MAG-NYET


for car and country.

I've never been a fan of those now-ubiquitous, holier-and-more-patriotic-than-thou car magnets. Even in the wake of 9/11, the American flag ones always seemed, if not pointless, at least redundant. After all, it's not like we're pledging our allegiance to a pro sports franchise or (God forbid) some random NASCAR driver. Don't we all support the same team? Aren't we all already on the same side? I mean, if someone were to put an Iraq or Afghanistan flag magnet on the ass-end of his SUV, now that would make a statement. And, though I certainly can't argue with the sentiment behind the Support the Troops ones, I've always thought that was a bit of a no-brainer too; if I'd ever seen a Kill the Troops magnet, then maybe they'd seem more useful. Or maybe not.

Because those magnets just seem like the easy, pro-forma, non-statement statement. You drop a little pocket change, slap one (or two, or three) of those things on your car, and feel, if not better about yourself, at least a little better than everyone who hasn't put one (or two, or three) on his car, and who therefore must not love America or support the troops or hate terrorism as much as you do. The car magnets have become the new colored ribbons; you gotta have one just to have one, and if you don't have one, well, you must not really care. And you secretly hate America. And, worse still, you're probably a Democrat.

But the ones I really don't get, the ones that seem to take both the concept and the pointlessness to their logical conclusions -- or at least their illogical extremes -- are the God Bless the U.S.A. magnets. Who, exactly, is their audience? You? Me? Are we supposed to read those and feel better, safe in the knowledge that some silly zealot is beseeching the Big Man Upstairs to watch over our children and our borders and our awful, misguided wars? Are we supposed to be moved by their piety? Impressed by their patriotism? Are they calls to spiritual arms, urging us all to pray to God so that He really will, when he's not busy with other things, like providing daily bread or punishing homosexuals, get around to blessing the good ol' U.S. of A.?

Or do those God Bless the U.S.A. magnets simply aim higher, going right over our heads and appealing directly to the Big Head? Are they for the sake of God, Whom these drivers hope spends at least part of His day looking down at faded novelty items on the ass ends of cars all across the world, reading magnets and bumper stickers that entreat him to act, then tabulating all the votes, sort of like a great, celestial version of American Idol -- call it American Imbecile, or maybe False Idol -- before finally deciding which country is going to get His best and biggest blessing today?

If that is the case, then we're obviously not buying or sporting or spreading nearly enough of these things, because reports out of Iraq this weekend would seem to suggest that we're falling farther and farther behind both the God Bless the Insurgency magnet count and the Support our Sunnis ribbon total.

Posted: Sun - July 8, 2007 at 11:23 PM          

©