(SHADOW-FILLED) NOTES FROM A FRIDAY AFTERNOON
gobbling the knob of my
mind.
For your consideration: another curious collection
of thoughts, reactions, and observations that didn't make it into a full-length
post this week. So they're sort of like all those shouting, cheering people up
in Punxsutawney this morning. But without the excess alcohol consumption...
• Even though the great Boston Lite Brite Scare turned out to be a big, stupid hoax, we must all still be vigilant. If we relax, or if we allow ourselves to become too complacent, then we will increase the chances that the terrorists will win. So if we see, let's say, several dozen Mr. Potato Heads hanging out on street corners all over Buffalo or Boise, we must still do our duties and report those spuddies to the police. And if something like that does happen again, I, for one, would support the Department of Homeland Security coming down like a ton of bricks on the people at Hasbro.
• Because, as President Bush once said, Your toys are either with us, or against us.
• If Joe Biden were smart, or at least a little more rhetorically savvy, he would not have apologized for those remarks about African-American presidential candidates; he would have just admitted to stealing them from Neil Kinnock. Better, I think, to be thought a recidivist plagiarist than a recalcitrant racist.
• Now that Hillary Clinton, the junior senator from New York -- by way of Washington, by way of Arkansas, by way of Illinois -- has officially announced her In It to Win It candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination, it's only a matter of time before I start getting lots and lots of In It to Contribute It mailings from her. Again. Long-time TWM readers will remember that Hillary first wanted to be my friend over two years ago, when she asked for my help and support even though I happen to live outside her (adopted, adopted, adopted) home state. At the time, it smelled suspiciously like a presidential fundraising feeler, so I suggested she should get back to me once she'd officially declared for the presidency. She did not listen, of course, snail-mail-spamming me thrice more, each time more desperate and annoying than the last, until she finally gave up. Something tells me that this time, she won't go away so easily. It takes a lot of money, after all, to compete with the Barack Obama endless publicity machine.
• While we're on the subject... It's been a bit of a busy week on the Obamedia Watch. First up, courtesy of the Los Angeles Times and called to our attention by TWM West Coast Obamedia Investigator Carey Lefkowitz, is an almost comically fawning article about how Occidental College remembers Obama -- people there called him Barry, perhaps because diversity was not yet hot, or because the future senator had not yet learned how best to package himself and his heritage -- during the two years he spent there on scholarship before matriculating to the much more hallowed halls of Columbia University. Among the fascinating tidbits you can learn about Barry are that he tackled such philosophers as Friedrich Nietzsche, that he was a fiercely competitive guard in faculty-student pickup basketball games, and that, during those games, he was better as an offensive player than as a defensive player. These tidbits offer fascinating insight into his flair for high-profile showboating, and they will no doubt come in handy should the Washington Wizards think about drafting him sometime before the Democratic primaries. But the most inspired touch, the sine qua non of the article's absolute absurdity, is the accompanying photo of the dorm in which Obama lived. That's right. The dorm. It is surely only a matter of time before they mount a plaque on the front door that saysBarry Barack
Slept (& Partied) Here.
• Obamedia Update #2, sprung from the pages of Newsweek magazine, chronicles the trouble that so many comics are having as they try to figure out how to tell jokes about a candidate everyone is too busy swooning over to laugh at. The common, if almost surely unintentional lesson: the nation's comedians are having trouble making fun of Barack Obama because, as so many of his breathless profiles would have you believe, he is not just the first coming of an African-American president but the Second Coming of Jesus Christ Himself.
• Slate's Timothy Noah, who comes to the Obamedia watch a few weeks late but hilariously on-target, agrees. And so he has begun the Obama Messiah Watch, a new and periodic feature considering evidence that Obama is the son of God. For his first item, Mr. Noah plumbs the (ahem) depths of that same L.A. Times article I noted a few notes ago, fixing his incredulous gaze upon the passage in which Barry's old European politics classmate, Ken Sulzer, enthuses about how few notes Obama took: "Where I had five pages, Barry had probably a paragraph of the pithiest, tightest prose you'd ever see. ... It was very short, very sweet. Obviously somebody almost Clintonesque in being able to sum a whole lot of concepts and place them into a succinct written style. Indeed. And obviously someone almost PaulaAbduleqsue would effuse and/or publish a passage like that.
• So Obama can understand complex material and write short paragraphs about it? That's good to know. If he doesn't become president, he could always enroll in A.P. English.
• The Laugh-Out-Loud Ad-Lib of the Week goes to Al Roker, who this morning, when Matt Lauer asked him if Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow, replied: Of course he'll see his shadow. There are eight hundred tv lights there. Stevie Wonder would see his shadow.
• If Joe Biden had said that, the video clip would already be posted on YouTube, and Al Sharpton would already be calling it a tremendous wound inflicted upon the blind, African-American, rhythm-and-blues-singing community.
• The more I hear Katherine McPhee speak, the more convinced I am that Kellie Pickler was not, in fact, the dumbest contestant on American Idol last season.
• This morning I was amazed to learn, thanks to an almost comically fawning interview with Sienna "What Barack Has Become to Washington, I am Becoming to Hollywood" Miller in Life Weekend Magazine, that the twenty-five year old actress has launched fashion trends (cowboy boots, boho-chic tops). Now. I know that, although she's recently turned up her (often upturned) nose at the trend, she is the celebrity most often credited with popularizing the style. But cowboy boots? Cowboy boots?! I had no idea Sienna Miller was 140 years old. You'd think that, with as great as she still looks, she would by now also have launched an exercise trend. Or a facial-creme trend. Or at least a liver-spot-remover trend. She's even more amazing wonderful and amazing than I've heard. And, dear God, I've heard a lot.
• One trend I wish someone would launch is the let's try to have a sense of proportion and perspective when writing about famous and popular people trend.
• Oh, man. I think I've just come up with the 2008 Democratic Party Dream Ticket. To hell with Al Gore and Hillary Clinton and John Edwards and Bill Richardson. You want a pairing guaranteed to gain attention and maximize media hype? How aboutBarry Barack Obama and Sienna Miller? Hot. Hip. Good-looking.
Built-in buzz generation. A hot African-American and a hot Blonde Woman (who,
if it's any consolation to Hillary, was also once famously cheated upon by her
notorious
cheater of a paramour). And no track record of actual accomplishments
to have to explain or defend. The Republicans could resurrect Abraham Lincoln,
reanimate Ronald Reagan, nominate them as the '08 GOP Dream Team, and still not
generate as much media coverage as an Obama-Miller pairing. It's a match made
in Obamillermedia Heaven.
• I've also come up with the perfect Obama-Miller Administration nominee for Secretary of Defense: Punxsutawney Phil. He can loll around and hibernate most of the year, then occasionally poke his head out of his office and declare six more months of war. The transition from the previous eight years would be almost imperceptible.
• Even though the great Boston Lite Brite Scare turned out to be a big, stupid hoax, we must all still be vigilant. If we relax, or if we allow ourselves to become too complacent, then we will increase the chances that the terrorists will win. So if we see, let's say, several dozen Mr. Potato Heads hanging out on street corners all over Buffalo or Boise, we must still do our duties and report those spuddies to the police. And if something like that does happen again, I, for one, would support the Department of Homeland Security coming down like a ton of bricks on the people at Hasbro.
• Because, as President Bush once said, Your toys are either with us, or against us.
• If Joe Biden were smart, or at least a little more rhetorically savvy, he would not have apologized for those remarks about African-American presidential candidates; he would have just admitted to stealing them from Neil Kinnock. Better, I think, to be thought a recidivist plagiarist than a recalcitrant racist.
• Now that Hillary Clinton, the junior senator from New York -- by way of Washington, by way of Arkansas, by way of Illinois -- has officially announced her In It to Win It candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination, it's only a matter of time before I start getting lots and lots of In It to Contribute It mailings from her. Again. Long-time TWM readers will remember that Hillary first wanted to be my friend over two years ago, when she asked for my help and support even though I happen to live outside her (adopted, adopted, adopted) home state. At the time, it smelled suspiciously like a presidential fundraising feeler, so I suggested she should get back to me once she'd officially declared for the presidency. She did not listen, of course, snail-mail-spamming me thrice more, each time more desperate and annoying than the last, until she finally gave up. Something tells me that this time, she won't go away so easily. It takes a lot of money, after all, to compete with the Barack Obama endless publicity machine.
• While we're on the subject... It's been a bit of a busy week on the Obamedia Watch. First up, courtesy of the Los Angeles Times and called to our attention by TWM West Coast Obamedia Investigator Carey Lefkowitz, is an almost comically fawning article about how Occidental College remembers Obama -- people there called him Barry, perhaps because diversity was not yet hot, or because the future senator had not yet learned how best to package himself and his heritage -- during the two years he spent there on scholarship before matriculating to the much more hallowed halls of Columbia University. Among the fascinating tidbits you can learn about Barry are that he tackled such philosophers as Friedrich Nietzsche, that he was a fiercely competitive guard in faculty-student pickup basketball games, and that, during those games, he was better as an offensive player than as a defensive player. These tidbits offer fascinating insight into his flair for high-profile showboating, and they will no doubt come in handy should the Washington Wizards think about drafting him sometime before the Democratic primaries. But the most inspired touch, the sine qua non of the article's absolute absurdity, is the accompanying photo of the dorm in which Obama lived. That's right. The dorm. It is surely only a matter of time before they mount a plaque on the front door that says
• Obamedia Update #2, sprung from the pages of Newsweek magazine, chronicles the trouble that so many comics are having as they try to figure out how to tell jokes about a candidate everyone is too busy swooning over to laugh at. The common, if almost surely unintentional lesson: the nation's comedians are having trouble making fun of Barack Obama because, as so many of his breathless profiles would have you believe, he is not just the first coming of an African-American president but the Second Coming of Jesus Christ Himself.
• Slate's Timothy Noah, who comes to the Obamedia watch a few weeks late but hilariously on-target, agrees. And so he has begun the Obama Messiah Watch, a new and periodic feature considering evidence that Obama is the son of God. For his first item, Mr. Noah plumbs the (ahem) depths of that same L.A. Times article I noted a few notes ago, fixing his incredulous gaze upon the passage in which Barry's old European politics classmate, Ken Sulzer, enthuses about how few notes Obama took: "Where I had five pages, Barry had probably a paragraph of the pithiest, tightest prose you'd ever see. ... It was very short, very sweet. Obviously somebody almost Clintonesque in being able to sum a whole lot of concepts and place them into a succinct written style. Indeed. And obviously someone almost PaulaAbduleqsue would effuse and/or publish a passage like that.
• So Obama can understand complex material and write short paragraphs about it? That's good to know. If he doesn't become president, he could always enroll in A.P. English.
• The Laugh-Out-Loud Ad-Lib of the Week goes to Al Roker, who this morning, when Matt Lauer asked him if Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow, replied: Of course he'll see his shadow. There are eight hundred tv lights there. Stevie Wonder would see his shadow.
• If Joe Biden had said that, the video clip would already be posted on YouTube, and Al Sharpton would already be calling it a tremendous wound inflicted upon the blind, African-American, rhythm-and-blues-singing community.
• The more I hear Katherine McPhee speak, the more convinced I am that Kellie Pickler was not, in fact, the dumbest contestant on American Idol last season.
• This morning I was amazed to learn, thanks to an almost comically fawning interview with Sienna "What Barack Has Become to Washington, I am Becoming to Hollywood" Miller in Life Weekend Magazine, that the twenty-five year old actress has launched fashion trends (cowboy boots, boho-chic tops). Now. I know that, although she's recently turned up her (often upturned) nose at the trend, she is the celebrity most often credited with popularizing the style. But cowboy boots? Cowboy boots?! I had no idea Sienna Miller was 140 years old. You'd think that, with as great as she still looks, she would by now also have launched an exercise trend. Or a facial-creme trend. Or at least a liver-spot-remover trend. She's even more amazing wonderful and amazing than I've heard. And, dear God, I've heard a lot.
• One trend I wish someone would launch is the let's try to have a sense of proportion and perspective when writing about famous and popular people trend.
• Oh, man. I think I've just come up with the 2008 Democratic Party Dream Ticket. To hell with Al Gore and Hillary Clinton and John Edwards and Bill Richardson. You want a pairing guaranteed to gain attention and maximize media hype? How about
• I've also come up with the perfect Obama-Miller Administration nominee for Secretary of Defense: Punxsutawney Phil. He can loll around and hibernate most of the year, then occasionally poke his head out of his office and declare six more months of war. The transition from the previous eight years would be almost imperceptible.
Posted: Fri - February 2, 2007 at 05:57 PM
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Published On: Aug 28, 2008 10:24 PM
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Published On: Aug 28, 2008 10:24 PM