Music

Wed - March 19, 2008

I've had these two songs stuck in my head for the last 96 hours for some reason.

Posted at 06:13 PM

Wed - March 12, 2008

Rules for Blues

Let this be a lesson to you:

1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning.”

2. “I got a good woman,” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like “I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.”

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes … sort of: “Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound.”

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: You stuck in a ditch, ain’t no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St.Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues.

9. Breaking your leg cuz a alligator be chomping on it is.

10. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

11. Good places for the Blues: a) highway b) jailhouse c) empty bed

Bad places: a) Nordstrom’s b) gallery openings c) Ivy League institutions d) golf courses.

12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be a old black man, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a) you’re older than dirt b) you’re blind c) you shot a man in Memphis d) you can’t be satisfied.

No, if: a) you have all your teeth b) you were once blind but now can see c) the man in Memphis lived d) you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

15. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a) bad wine b) bad whiskey or bad bourbon c) muddy water d) black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) mixed drinks b) kosher wine c) Snapple d) sparkling water.

16. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

17. Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie b) Big Mama c) Bessie d) Fat River Dumpling.
Some Blues names for men: a) Joe b) Willie c) Little Willie d) Big Willie.

Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, and Rainbow can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

18. Make yer own Blues name (starter kit): name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.) last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

19. I don’t care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it - with fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don’t care.

(via S. Weasel via The Line is Here)

Posted at 07:08 PM

Tue - July 31, 2007

Harptallica

Yep, it's exactly what it sounds like.

(via Gorilla Mask)

Posted at 06:30 PM

Tue - April 3, 2007

Ashes to Ashes, Blow to Blow

Today's big news story? Revelations that Keith Richards snorted his dead dad's ashes with some coke:

In comments published Tuesday, the 63-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist said he had snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

He knows how to party. Will his version of the song "Cocaine" ever sound the same? Of course it will:

Posted at 06:41 PM

Wed - November 22, 2006

Michael Heaton Band Tonight @ Payton's Roundhouse in Aurora

Come see the Michael Heaton Band tonight (Wed, 11/22) at the annual Thanksgiving Eve show. All the most fashionable people will be there:

Wednesday, Nov 22nd 2006
9:00pm -12:30am
Walter Payton's RoundHouse
205 N. Broadway
Aurora, IL

Posted at 07:22 AM

Tue - June 6, 2006

Happy National Day Of Slayer

Today is 06/06/06. Hope you've got all your National Day of Slayer (warning: sound) shopping done. Most popular gift this year? A goat. Did you know that 666 is the sum of the squares of the first seven prime numbers? Chew on that one a while.

Posted at 06:42 AM

Mon - June 5, 2006

Did The Red Hot Chili Peppers Rip Off Tom Petty?

Check this out. Take a listen to this track that compares the two songs, and decide for yourself.

(via Gorilla Mask)

Posted at 10:41 PM

Tue - May 2, 2006

Infradig To Play Bonnaroo

Well how bout that. My cousin-in-law's band, Infradig, is playing Bonnaroo this year.

Posted at 06:25 PM

Mon - April 17, 2006

Mini Kiss vs. Tiny Kiss

What's better than an all-midget Kiss tribute band? Two all-midget Kiss tribute bands.

(via The Corner)

Posted at 09:36 PM

Tue - March 7, 2006

Pandora

This could certainly keep you entertained for a while. It's an artificial intelligence DJ. Pick some music, and it adds songs that it thinks you'll like. It'll explain why it picked them (e.g., "Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features jazz influences, the use of experimental sounds, demanding instrumental part writing, chromatic harmonic structure and meandering melodic phrasing."). You can tell it whether it's playing something you like, and it will learn before making its next selection. Pretty sweet. I sure never would have stumbled across Nirvana For Mice by Henry Cow otherwise.

(via Ghost of a Flea)

Posted at 09:58 PM

Thu - February 9, 2006

Live Music This Weekend

Friday night Mr. Blotto is playing Synergy in West Chicago. Saturday night Local H (caution: their site launches right into music) is playing Durty Nellie's in Palatine. All the most fashionable people will attend both and there will be much merriment.

Posted at 09:55 PM

Sun - February 5, 2006

Munger

Don't look now, but Little Dave's in a band. Their website makes no sense to me right now (maybe my fault, because I am weary), but go check them out right here on Myspace. The band's called Munger, unintentionally named after the road I rolled the Heap on a few years back. We saw Munger tonight at The Satisfied Frog in Warrenville. It was swell.

Posted at 03:10 AM

Sun - January 8, 2006

Marrioota

I think Chris sends this along, with this explanation:

d00d omfg mate i serzly thnkz diz should bez upz onz youz sitez i got h4x0rz and im 133t

http://harryhood.home.mchsi.com/MARRIOOTAA.mp3

iz thinkz boutz putting diz up onz mtv record labelz cuz i rapz 133t rapz

-kristtøff

Kids these days.

Posted at 11:27 PM

Fri - December 30, 2005

Leiny's Best Albums of 2005

'Tis the season for best and worst of the year lists, so here's Leiny's "This Year In Albums." The only one I've heard of on the list was Sigur Ros, but I don't get out much.

Posted at 12:05 AM

Tue - December 6, 2005

Conservative Rock Songs?

Here's something to think about -- try to come up with some good conservative rock songs. It's not easy. John Miller's trying to put a list together. See below from The Corner:

NRO ROCK BLEG [John J. Miller]
I’m going to compile a list of great conservative rock-and-roll songs, and I’d like your suggestions. Criteria: 1) Lyrically, the song must express a conservative sentiment, such as appreciation for a traditional value, skepticism of government power, etc. 2) It must be a great rock and roll song. A good example: “Taxman,” by the Beatles (“If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street/If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat”).

Please send your recommendations to me at nrorocks@yahoo.com -- and be sure to explain your reasons. I have a bias in favor of songs that are already well known, or at least songs that are by well-known bands. But I’m willing to consider anything. Even Duran Duran.

Here's somebody who's already got a head start.

Posted at 09:33 PM

Fri - December 2, 2005

Chew on this for a while

Here's a Chaikaroma original I just did in Garage Band:

12_2_05.m4a

Beats working. I'm on vacation, suckers.

Posted at 11:38 AM

Sat - November 26, 2005

Witch Taint

Surprisingly, Witch Taint isn't a country/pop band. Listen to some. And then read the email exchange between Dave Hill of Witch Taint and Mathias of a Norwegian black metal band called Mysticum. That's some good taunting.

Posted at 10:49 AM