Thu - April 10, 2008
I've been in Florida Eating Oysters and Getting Sunburned.
What have
you
been doing?
Posted at 05:50 PM
Thu - March 27, 2008
You know what's cold, falls out of the sky and sucks a whole lot?
Snow.
I don't think it's going to stop. I'm not an almanac, but I'm pretty sure it's snowed every other day for the past six months.
I don't think it's going to stop. I'm not an almanac, but I'm pretty sure it's snowed every other day for the past six months.
Posted at 05:31 PM
Wed - March 19, 2008
Fri - March 14, 2008
Thu - March 13, 2008
Story Problem
Here's a story problem for everyone to
answer:
There are two gladiators (Gladiator 1 and Gladiator 2) in an arena. There are two weapons to choose from for their fight to the death: a chainsaw and a bulldozer. Gladiator 2 wins the cointoss, thereby getting his choice of weapons. Gladiator 2 should choose:
A. The chainsaw, in which case Gladiator 1 gets the bulldozer;
B. The bulldozer, in which case Gladiator 1 gets the chainsaw;
C. Defer the choice to Gladiator 1.
Show your work for full credit.
There are two gladiators (Gladiator 1 and Gladiator 2) in an arena. There are two weapons to choose from for their fight to the death: a chainsaw and a bulldozer. Gladiator 2 wins the cointoss, thereby getting his choice of weapons. Gladiator 2 should choose:
A. The chainsaw, in which case Gladiator 1 gets the bulldozer;
B. The bulldozer, in which case Gladiator 1 gets the chainsaw;
C. Defer the choice to Gladiator 1.
Show your work for full credit.
Posted at 06:46 PM
Wed - March 12, 2008
Presidential candidates as Dungeons and Dragons characters
What nerds won't think of next. Here's McCain, Obama
and Hillary as Dungeons & Dragons characters. I think they've
underestimated Hillary's terrifying monster powers a bit. What about her IRS
audit summoning and national archive disintegrating
powers?
(via Goc)
(via Goc)
Posted at 06:25 PM
Tue - March 11, 2008
You Will Laugh at at least one of these because it's St. Patrick's Month
Paddy was driving down the
street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a
parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me.
If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the
rest of me life and give up me Irish
Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
.....
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
.....
Paddy was in New York.
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
.....
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
.....
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
.....
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
.....
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'
(via Leo)
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
.....
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
.....
Paddy was in New York.
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
.....
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
.....
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
.....
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
.....
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'
(via Leo)
Posted at 07:05 PM
Like 5 days once you factor in daylight savings time
I just noticed something about Saturday:
12 pm: Trinity Irish Dancers
1 pm: McNulty Irish Dancers
I think at 2 PM the Trinity Irish Dancers should square off against the McNulty Irish Dancers in an ultraviolent shin-kicking to the death. But that's just me.
Posted at 06:07 PM
Mon - March 10, 2008
Leo Says...
Well, Sundaresh
sure hasn't said anything lately, so why
not:
Tax Rebate
This past week President Bush and Congress allowed each one of us to receive $300.00, it was $800.00 but they dropped it to a $300.00 tax rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, most of the money will go to China, if we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, if we spend it on new computers all the money will go to India or Pakistan for tech support and none will help the American economy.
The way I see it, we need to keep that money here in America. The only way I can see to keep that money here at home is drink beer or spend it on prostitution, those are the only businesses still in the U.S.
I'm right behind you, except I'm sitting here drinking an import and all of my hookers are imported from Madagascar.
Tax Rebate
This past week President Bush and Congress allowed each one of us to receive $300.00, it was $800.00 but they dropped it to a $300.00 tax rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, most of the money will go to China, if we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, if we spend it on new computers all the money will go to India or Pakistan for tech support and none will help the American economy.
The way I see it, we need to keep that money here in America. The only way I can see to keep that money here at home is drink beer or spend it on prostitution, those are the only businesses still in the U.S.
I'm right behind you, except I'm sitting here drinking an import and all of my hookers are imported from Madagascar.
Posted at 08:47 PM
World's Fastest Saturn
Ever notice that most times you run across a Saturn on the road it's in the process of something ridiculous? Well, here's the most ridiculous Saturn I know. It's my boss's car. Any of these things mean anything to anybody?
6.58 @ 214 w/ Nitrous
1998 Saturn
Dominick Carpenter Pro Mod Chassis
Engine 638 cu in
DRC Powerglide transmission
Ford 9 inch w 4.71 gear
17 X 34.5 Hoosier slicks
('Cause I don't know a harmonic balancer from a Johnson Rod.)
Don't miss the video.
Posted at 08:17 PM
I don't know, like six days or something?
Remember Snatchman and Snatchwoman? Rumor has it they will run wild this weekend. Saturday will be a good warmup for Monday.
Posted at 06:52 PM
Wed - March 5, 2008
Annual Neologism Contest
Here's one of them emails what got forwarded and
whatever:
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
(via Carna)
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
(via Carna)
Posted at 06:53 PM
Pork Chops
Three years ago I linked to a tale of inter-species
breastfeeding. Here's another:
Now that you've read the heartwarming story and seen the heartwarming pictures, let's check Snopes. The story's made up. It was all for show, so your heart is warm for no reason. But the important thing is that inter-species breastfeeding did indeed take place.
(via Chaika's Sister's co-worker Amy)
In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops? Take a look...you won't believe your eyes!!
Now, please tell me one more time... Why can't the rest of the world get along?
Now that you've read the heartwarming story and seen the heartwarming pictures, let's check Snopes. The story's made up. It was all for show, so your heart is warm for no reason. But the important thing is that inter-species breastfeeding did indeed take place.
(via Chaika's Sister's co-worker Amy)
Posted at 05:34 PM
Tue - March 4, 2008
Here's to Brett Favre and Gary Gygax...
... who both retired today. The former from
professional football having won a Super Bowl, and the latter from life having
created Dungeons & Dragons.
Posted at 08:22 PM
Mon - March 3, 2008
Happy St. Patrick's Month, You Sad Sons of Bitches
Parade's this Sunday.
Happy Pulaski today.
14 'till the Day.
The Kerry Piper is where the beets will be for the entire St. Patrick's Day weekend, so plan to be there. Check out the lineup:
I've got a hotel room across the street for St. Patrick's Night, and the more the merrier. It should be a delightful place to pass out.
Posted at 05:37 PM
Here's two unrelated pieces of information
There are now six distinct last names on the
mailbox for the condo directly under
mine.
Someone from Corpus Christi, Texas showed up on Chaikaroma.com just now by searching "t-bagging men movies" on Yahoo!
Someone from Corpus Christi, Texas showed up on Chaikaroma.com just now by searching "t-bagging men movies" on Yahoo!
Posted at 05:07 PM
Tue - February 26, 2008
Beer Quotes
I can assure you that every last one of these is
properly attributed, but my assurances are worth
naught.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer
and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football
team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need
a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach
you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
--W.C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us
stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it
makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
(via Chaika's Sister's co-worker Amy)
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer
and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football
team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need
a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach
you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
--W.C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us
stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it
makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just
like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
(via Chaika's Sister's co-worker Amy)
Posted at 05:31 PM
Click on us for a good time.
Today's birthday
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Published On: Apr 10, 2008 05:51 PM
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Published On: Apr 10, 2008 05:51 PM