All I'm sayin' is.....better than you are.
As you can see from the calendar, the game
is coming up this weekend. I'm sure you are as excited for it as I am, as our
cities are rivals and have been for quite some time. Your confidence in your
team is high, but rest assured, you will suffer humiliation when the sports team
from my area defeats the sports team from your
area.
On numerous occasions, you have
expressed the conviction that your area's sports team will be victorious. I must
admit that every time I hear you make this proclamation, I react with both
laughter and disbelief. "Ha!" I say to myself with laughter. "What?!" I say to
myself in disbelief. How could you believe that your sports team could beat my
sports team? It is clear that yours is inferior in every way.
When the sporting contest begins, the
players on your team will be treated as though they are inconsequential. It will
be remarkably easy for my team to accumulate more points than yours. There are
many reasons for this, starting with the inferior physical attributes of the
players representing your area. Strength, speed, and agility are just three of
the qualities that the players on the team from your area lack. The players
representing my area, on the other hand, have these traits in
abundance.
I would not be a bit
surprised if the individuals on the team from your area were sexually attracted
to members of their own gender. That is how ineffective they are on the field of
battle.
Underscoring your team's
inferiority is its choice of colors. It is ludicrous to believe that your team's
colors inspire either respect or fear. Instead, they appear to have been chosen
by someone who is colorblind or, perhaps, bereft of sight altogether. The colors
for my team, on the other hand, are aesthetically pleasing when placed in
proximity to one another. They are a superior color combination in every
way.
While we are on the subject of
aesthetics, let us compare the respective facilities in which our teams play.
While my team's edifice is blessed with architectural splendor and the most
modern of amenities, yours is a thoroughly unpleasant place in which to watch a
sporting contest. I know of what I speak, for I once attended a game between our
respective teams in your facility. Let's just say the experience left me wishing
that my car was inoperable that day due to mechanical problems, rendering it
impossible for me to get to your area to attend the
game.
If you need another reason why
the sporting franchise representing my area is superior, look no further than
the supporters for the two sides. Not only are the supporters of the team from
my region more spirited, but they are also more intelligent and of finer
breeding than you and the rest of your ilk. In addition, the female supporters
of the team from my area possess more attractive countenances and figures than
yours. Some of the women from my side that I have observed could make a living
by posing for pictures for major men's magazines. The women who cheer for your
team, I'm afraid, are far too unattractive to do
so.
One of the more pathetic aspects of
the team from your area is the fact that only people in your immediate area
possess an affinity for it. By means of contrast, the team from my area inspires
loyalty and affection in individuals who live in many other geographic
locations.
To illustrate this point,
let me tell a brief story: Recently, I was on vacation in an area of the country
far away from my own, and I saw many individuals wearing items of clothing that
bore the insignia of my team. I approached one such individual and asked him if
he originated from my area. He said no, explaining that he simply liked the team
from my area and had for many years. Interestingly enough, during this trip, I
saw no clothing or other paraphernalia bearing the insignia of your
team.
Do you still doubt that the team
from your area is inferior to the one from mine? Just look at our teams'
respective histories. In the past, we have defeated you on any number of
occasions. Granted, there were times when your team beat my team, but those were
lucky flukes.
The day of the game will
soon be at hand. And no matter how hard you pray to a higher power or how many
foam accoutrements you wear in support of the team from your area, your team
will be defeated. We will win and you will lose. This is your fate.
Prepare for humiliation. It shall be
upon you at the designated hour.
Posted: Sat
- August 28, 2004 at 10:52 AM