Divine Aesthetics: The Blog

What the ... ? #9: Shirts and Ties

Manager: We need a way to sell more of our shirts.
Employee: Sure thing. Any ideas?
Manager: I know! Make the displays look like they're having fun.
Employee: Sounds good. What kind of fun?
Manager: I don't know - look, just pick something you like to do in your free time.
Employee: Ummmm ... ok.

Of all the ways they could have positioned those arms, they had to do it like this.

What the ... ? #8: Nose and Ear Hair Groomer

The other day I was surfing though Amazon.com and I thought I'd check out my recommendations list. They usually fill it with a bunch of crap I have no interest in but every now and then there's a good thing.

I'm not interested in a Nose and Ear Hair Groomer, just so you know.

What struck me, though, is that little bit I've circled for your convenience.

Yup, apparently Amazon thinks people who've read the Narnia series have long nose hairs. Or ear hairs. Or both.

If that's not a "What the ...?" moment, I don't know what is.

What the ... ? #7: Safety Warning Flashing Lamp

Taking a flashing light with you should you happen to go out at night is a good idea, there's no denying it. What's amusing here is how the package was labeled.

BI CYCLE (because we do not discriminate against any kinds of cycles, straight or otherwise)

BABY (honey, make sure you strap a flashing light to Junior before he crawls outside for the night)

DISABLE-CAR (is that a car that is disabled, or a car that disables others?)

WHEN THE BRIGHT IS NOT ENOUGH (well that just goes without saying.)

TO INCREASE MORE SAFETY (more power, er, safety!)

... ah, engrish, how do I love thee...

What the ... ? #6: Before or After?

Take a good look at that picture, and give me your first guess at what those things are.

Now, if you look closely, you can see that they're supposed to be sculpted mushrooms and carrots. You have to hand it to the person who did the glaze work here, though - They took the food as it looks BEFORE you eat it and made it look like it should once you're all done with it.

Yeah, makes me want to buy the whole set and hang it on my wall.

Ok, so maybe not.

What the ... ? #5: Army Guy

(I'm beginning to run low on unusual marketing ideas. If you have any good ones, please send a pic to the email address below.)

This edition of "What the ... ?" was at first just written off as your usual sterroid abusing (You can't see it in the pic, but his chest was at least 3 times the size of his waist - that's just not right!) paramilitary tough guy action figure with a gun that would give Freud plenty to write about., but on closer inspection I noticed something odd about his facial hair.

Now I know that there are many ways to wear facial hair, but never before have I seen anyone - toy or otherwise - shave his face but let the hairs on his neck grow into a nice, thick, beard. Honestly, if I had owned a toy like that in my youth I would have had him rushing into battle screaming "Fear the fury of my neck hair, evil scum!"

Granted, it might actually be some type of neck warmer or other kind of clothing, but then I think it would cover more of his neck than that thin little strip.

... perhaps the artist that sculpted the prototype just had problems with neck proportions and needed a way to cut corners?

What the ... ? #4: Energy Saving Dim Light

I have to give Kelli credit for this one. She wanted a cheap night light to keep us from fumbling for light switches when we woke up at oh-dark-thirty for various reasons. She noticed that this one had a switch underneath, which was a nice touch - most lights that were flat like this one were just always on.


Ignoring the name of the thing, she took a look at the labeling for the switch. You would expect to see something that says "ON" and "OFF," but not this time. It's a simple mistake I've made half a dozen times myself, but you would think that someone would catch this before it went to production.


The weirdest thing was not evident until after we purchased it and took it home to use it. We thought the light would be white or blue so it would match the waterfall theme in the picture, but instead it's bright green like most of the other flat night lights out there. Having a glowing picture of green water illuminating the bedroom at night is just a tad bit disconcerting, don't you think?


Still, what do you expect for a buck?


Do you have a pic that you think would make a good "What the ...?" Send it to me at blakesblog [at] mac.com

What the ...? #3: Farm Animals

Now perhaps it's just because certain college buddies rubbed off on me a little too much, but when I look at how these animals are arranged I think I'm looking at an episode of Robot Chicken.

Seriously, do you see it too?

It's ok if you don't.

Perhaps those college friends just rubbed off on me in all the wrong ways.

What the ...? #2: Light unto the world

Now you might look at this installment of "What the ...?" and ask "So what's messed up about a bunch of crucifixes?"

The answer is nothing, so long as they're just crucifixes. Now the gold plated mini - saviors are a little to kitschy for my tastes, but something made me take a closer look. You see, there's an irregularity at the top of those white crosses.

It's a wick.

That's right, those are candles.

Ignoring the burning crosses imagery that comes to mind, I can see how a little bit of candle light could do a crucifix justice. Unfortunately, the application of flame usually causes wax to melt. (At least so far as my own experiments have turned out.)

Something tells me that the misguided person who buys one of these will start rethinking their purchase right about the time that the flame reached Jesus' head. ... maybe that's why the shelf is still full of these things.

What the ...? #1: Imitated Plane Model

As if this blog isn't cluttered enough, I'm adding a new category. "What the ...?" is intended to be a showcase of typos, bad marketing, or ideas that are just plain wrong. You can see things like this on Leno or walking through any dollar store. Speaking of which, that's where this one came from. I was going to circle the mistakes, but there's just too many of them - suffice to say, Kelli and I had a fun time laughing as we read the instructions.