June 2005

What the ... ? #4: Energy Saving Dim Light

I have to give Kelli credit for this one. She wanted a cheap night light to keep us from fumbling for light switches when we woke up at oh-dark-thirty for various reasons. She noticed that this one had a switch underneath, which was a nice touch - most lights that were flat like this one were just always on.


Ignoring the name of the thing, she took a look at the labeling for the switch. You would expect to see something that says "ON" and "OFF," but not this time. It's a simple mistake I've made half a dozen times myself, but you would think that someone would catch this before it went to production.


The weirdest thing was not evident until after we purchased it and took it home to use it. We thought the light would be white or blue so it would match the waterfall theme in the picture, but instead it's bright green like most of the other flat night lights out there. Having a glowing picture of green water illuminating the bedroom at night is just a tad bit disconcerting, don't you think?


Still, what do you expect for a buck?


Do you have a pic that you think would make a good "What the ...?" Send it to me at blakesblog [at] mac.com

Ups and downs

Yesterday Kelli had her surgery, which at best would have been an ordeal. Best case scenarios rarely happen, however, as we learned the hard way.

On Kelli's medical records show that on 6/20 her scheduled time for surgery was changed from 9:45 am to some time closer to 2:45 pm. Nobody bothered to tell us this, however.

So naturally we showed up at 7:45 am (We were told that we should show up 2 hours early just in case.) and were told we would have to wait all day. We couldn't talk to the surgeon himself because he had already scrubbed up for another operation, and the secretary was essentially asking us if we wanted to go back home to wait.

We expressed our extreme dissatisfaction with the fact that they had 8 days to tell us that the schedule was changed but failed to do so. I filled out a customer satisfaction form, and in the meantime Kelli still had not been allowed to eat or drink anything since midnight the night before. (I was worried she'd get dehydrated.)

After some scrambling and apologizing they fit her in for a 9:00 am spot, which was fine by us. We found out the schedule change came not from Kernan Hospital (where we were), but University of Maryland Medical center (Where Kelli's feet got screwed up in the first place).

Flash forward to 12:00. Kelli came out of surgery and the surgeon came out and told me how everything went. The operation went well but not perfect (it had to be a little more invasive than he wanted it to be and he was a little concerned with some bleeding factors), but I could go back and see her in a half hour.

At 3:00 pm, after asking several other staff members, they finally let me back. The nurses said the doc should never have said half an hour, but oh well. Kelli was sweating and tired, but that was expected as a side effect of the anesthesia.

The whole time they had Kelli on a saline solution IV, which had overhydrated her. The docs were concerned about there being extra fluid in her lungs, but they had pretty much done everything but admit it was their fault there was fluid there. Still, her oxygen levels were decent and only one doctor wanted to keep her overnight.

That one doctor added a few more hours onto our stay. After seeing YET ANOTHER doctor who looked at Kelli's stats and said she was borderline but ok, we signed some papers and finally got out of there around 8:00 pm - over 12 hours after we got there.

So, now Kelli's home and taking pain meds every 4 hours. She can't put any weight on her feet for 2 weeks, and she can take off her orthopedic boots in 6 weeks. I'm glad we waited until summer to do this, so I'm now around to cater to her every whim.

What the ...? #3: Farm Animals

Now perhaps it's just because certain college buddies rubbed off on me a little too much, but when I look at how these animals are arranged I think I'm looking at an episode of Robot Chicken.

Seriously, do you see it too?

It's ok if you don't.

Perhaps those college friends just rubbed off on me in all the wrong ways.

Plotting

(I'm playing Warcraft III again. Just when I think I'm out they pull me back in!)

Ok, so we planned on visiting friends up in NEPA this weekend, but due to two totally unrelated factors we didn't get to see Stana or Paul. :P Still, summer is still young ....

Also, I seem to be following a usual trend. When I have a new toy , I play with it. A lot. Lucky for me I'm familiar with Tri-Stat BESM and D&D 2nd ed, so the transition to BESM d20 isn't TOO much of a jump. I'm currently working on a possible adventure, but I have no idea when I would be able to run it as most of my friends live in different states/countries (the double edged sword of the 'net, I guess...). More likely I'll just beg ask people if they want to play via AIM, Skype, or some other such free technology. I remember being in a play-by-email game run by Paul that worked well for a while, so I might try that was well.

We'll see what happens.

More Quotes

Submit to the funny! Submit! Everything here was actually spoken.

• You break it in half in the middle. -Blake
• I can't hear you over your throat. -Blake
• Your nose holders are wet! -Kelli
• Only fly this plane if a creepy guy is behind you staring at your butt. -Blake
• Honey, can I- -Blake
• No. -Kelli

Evils of DandD?

I've seen other incarnations of the audio file in this flash animation, but it never stops being funny. Anyone who's played tabletop RPGs is bound to get a kick out of it.

What the ...? #2: Light unto the world

Now you might look at this installment of "What the ...?" and ask "So what's messed up about a bunch of crucifixes?"

The answer is nothing, so long as they're just crucifixes. Now the gold plated mini - saviors are a little to kitschy for my tastes, but something made me take a closer look. You see, there's an irregularity at the top of those white crosses.

It's a wick.

That's right, those are candles.

Ignoring the burning crosses imagery that comes to mind, I can see how a little bit of candle light could do a crucifix justice. Unfortunately, the application of flame usually causes wax to melt. (At least so far as my own experiments have turned out.)

Something tells me that the misguided person who buys one of these will start rethinking their purchase right about the time that the flame reached Jesus' head. ... maybe that's why the shelf is still full of these things.

Cleaning the fridge.

Could someone explain to me how an unopened container of eggs was able to stay in the fridge for over a year after it's expiration date with nobody noticing?

I think someone broke in andswapped our good eggs for their bad ones.

What the ...? #1: Imitated Plane Model

As if this blog isn't cluttered enough, I'm adding a new category. "What the ...?" is intended to be a showcase of typos, bad marketing, or ideas that are just plain wrong. You can see things like this on Leno or walking through any dollar store. Speaking of which, that's where this one came from. I was going to circle the mistakes, but there's just too many of them - suffice to say, Kelli and I had a fun time laughing as we read the instructions.

Anna Mae? Arr Pee Gee?

Attention, all random philanthropists:

I want this.

Thank you.

In other news, I found a nifty little gaming comic that for once does not mean the characters are obsessed with video games. If you play RPGs at all I recommend it - the art is great and it focusses on humor in the (various) games as much as it does with humor among the players.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

School lets out (for teachers) on Friday.

In preparation for this, I've been washing my hands more and spraying EVERYTHING with Lysol. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have done enough.

You see, I've been developing a slight cough of late. At this point it should be at it's worst just as Summer vacation gets started.






... nuts.

Some random quotes

Apparently I'm not cool enough to play RPGs on a regular basis, but every now and then something is said that is still really funny ... at least for friends or family. For example:

• It's pick on Gretchen day!
• 15 pound cat in a shoe box.
• No, it was for boots. She won't fit in a shoe box.
• Oh, she can make herself fit.
• Gabe.
• Pasqualiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
• Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home of DOOM!
• With the Viagra fountain of youth! O_O;
• I'm a pop sensation!
• Two grown men can amuse themselves with a 25 cent bouncy ball.
• How many family members can you take out while saying "Peace of the Lord be with you?"
• It's unnerving to see someone lift their arms in celebration after they exit the bathroom.
• Would you like to ride piggy-back? (Asked before going up for communion.)
• You mean you don't want to ride the shopping cart?
• I have a protective layer of sunburn.
• Yeah, the ash of burned skin protects the muscle underneath.
• Today is an ice cream day.
• That's yogurt.
• I don't eat the chocolate, I just open up the bag and smell it.
• Why is it every time I visit I break the things that are already broken?

If I think of others, I'll post again later.

EDIT- I said I'd add more.

• Look out! It's a SPOAPT with a tazer!
• "Jimmy sit down. Jimmy sit down. Jimmy! *ZAP!* "
• Would you like an ice cream sandwich?
• I'll take the ice cream if you eat the sandwich.
• And we will wait with baited breath .... or perhaps we'll use some mouthwash instead.

Hello, I'm an idiot ...

... may I take your order please?

Let me preface this by saying that I have several friends that work in the food industry. These individuals strike me as intelligent, respectful, hard working people and I have no complaints about them. They do their jobs and do them well.

That being said, 95% of all employees (including management) of fast food restaurants have no working knowledge of the English language. It has seriously gotten bad enough that there are many places (*cough*McDonalds*cough*) to which I refuse to go unless I know the person in the kitchen.

Don't believe me? Well the following transcript has happened many, many times. Different franchises, different states, same words.

• Me (ordering for my wife): Yes, I'd like a hamburger with ONLY pickles, nothing else.
• Idiot: Would you like cheese on that?
• Me: ...
• Me: ONLY pickles.

Then when we get the burger, it has cheese on it. Or catsup. Or anything other than just ONLY pickles. Was I asking for too much?

Now you would think that management would be smarter. In some cases this is true, but I had a shift manager telling me my credit card didn't work (and asking if I had any other cards that might work) before I told him he was swiping the card upside down. Then he typed in the wrong price. Another manager tried to convince me that the strawberry milkshake he handed me was really the vanilla shake I had ordered.

"Don't worry," he said, "Sometimes they look like that."

Yeah, and sometimes vanilla tastes like strawberries. Right.

Now if English was in fact a second language for these people I could understand some of these errors, but these individuals don't even have the faintest hint of an accent. Those places I go to where immigrants do wait on me, guess what - those are the people who get my order RIGHT. It's not about race or country of origin, it's about listening skills and work ethic.

Sara's a bad influence on me.

CATS IN DRESSES!!!

... that is all.