Exploring "Midwest" Cuisine


Now that we've started touring with our shows, days have become very predictable. With few exceptions, we can expect to visit one school in the morning and one school in the afternoon. The workshops that we do with the kids and the show that we perform at the culmination of each visit remain basically the same. One thing that eludes all prediction, however, is our mid-day meal.

Now that we've started touring with our shows, days have become very predictable. With few exceptions, we can expect to visit one school in the morning and one school in the afternoon. The workshops that we do with the kids and the show that we perform at the culmination of each visit remain basically the same. One thing that eludes all prediction, however, is our mid-day meal. The morning school is responsible for feeding us lunch, and the daily unveiling of the spread has quickly become a moment fraught with anticipation for all of us.

The meals so far have run the gamut. At St. Joseph's Catholic School, we dined amidst the natives on cafeteria chili and sugary desserts with ten-year shelf-lives. At Fairview Elementary (the site of our near-miss with Cheeseburger Sticks) and at a few other schools, we were treated to catered lunches that included wraps, fresh sandwiches, fruit, and homemade cookies. Today, nestled among the rolling farmlands of Warren County, we came face-to-face with what was, for most of us, a new phenomenon: the faculty pot-luck.

We followed the distinct aroma of roast pork through winding hallways, eventually reaching the sanctity of the Staff Lounge. Along the rear window, bags of buns lay next to a bubbling crock pot, which was filled to the brim with freshly roasted pork. A mysterious casserole of chicken and potatoes was next in the lineup, and the rest of the counter was covered with various homemade cakes and brownies. On the conference table, three tupperware containers held more desserts: a fluorescent pink goop punctuated with mini marshmallows; a fluffy lime-green cream dotted with mini marshmallows; and, lastly, a salad-like mixture of apples, raisins, cinnamon, and, I'm not joking - mini marshmallows.

First things first. The pork was terrific - juicy and tender to the plastic fork. The chicken/potato concoction, in spite of its rather disorganized appearance, was irresistable. Ida, who shared my enthusiasm for the dish, and I cornered the teacher responsible for its creation and demanded to know the ingredients. Upon learning that it was a baked combination of hash browns, cream of potato soup, cream of chicken soup, sour cream, and grated cheddar cheese, we were equally delighted by the recipe's simplicity and horrified at the revelation of what we had just put inside our bodies.

Nicole, the group's fussiest eater, quietly observed that the spread contained no vegetables. My wife, immediate family, and any other Filipinos reading this will not be surprised to learn that, if not for Nicole's discerning palate, I would have remained ignorant of this fact. In the van en route to our afternoon destination, one of the girls characterized the spread as "Midwestern." Being born and raised in the Midwest myself, I bristle whenever people use that word. At best, it's mildly patronizing ("He has such solid Midwestern values"), and at worst, it's condescending and pejorative (insert virtually any example of your choosing here).

In the case of cuisine, however, maybe the girls are onto something. Consider the trinity of marshmallow-based desserts. It wouldn't surprise me if these things didn't exist east of the Ohio River, let alone east of the Hudson River. I was the only member of the troupe intrepid enough to sample each one. My colleagues asked for my detailed assessment, and they apparently trusted me enough that they saw fit not to judge for themselves. The desserts really weren't bad, unless you consider a sudden overpowering rush of sugar to be somehow "bad."

If anybody recognizes these desserts from my descriptions and can provide the names and/or origins of these concoctions, please let me know. The troupe suspected that the red one was yogurt-based and that the green one was a mixture of lime Jell-O and Cool Whip. The apple, cinnamon, and raisin grab-bag was fairly self-explanatory, though the Filipino in me suspected the presence of mayonnaise. Oh, and don't forget all the marshmallows.

Thanks to Andrew S., Dave P., Roland S., and Raul S., all of whom kindly shared their insight on Cheeseburger Sticks with me. It honestly had not occurred to me to Google them myself. A fun fact about them is that they were first test-marketed at a restaurant in my hometown of Evanston, Illinois. Cheeseburger Sticks and I have apparently been passing each other like ships in the night for some time. Who knows - they could very well be waiting for us at tomorrow morning's school.

Posted: Tue - February 8, 2005 at 04:52 PM      

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