| Personality Plus | | Date Created: Oct 02, 2007, 04:02 PM |
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Here are the boys en plein air. We had a good time despite being unable to resist the urge to mix paints, brushes, and even each other's artwork.
Things are good here. George has been quite the rascal lately. He looked at my forehead real close the other night and then said, "What are all of those lines on your face? How'd you get those?" I was like, from you and your brothers! Last night we were saying the blessing before supper and he said, "God is great, God is bad!" I know he didn't mean anything by it and we haven't been to church in over a year so it's not as if he's trying to make some kind of statement about anything he even partially understands, but let's face it, some things are sacred. So Will said immediately in a very stern voice, "Go up to your room!" And I said something like, "We don't joke about God," not that I haven't or that I think God herself doesn't have a sense of humor, but these are things that will have to be explained at a later time. Anyway, George's face crumbled and shattered in shock and sadness. He started to cry and then he literally crawled up the stairs on all-fours looking at us and I swear he looked just like a crying monkey. As soon as he was out of sight Will and I couldn't help but laugh. "He's breaking my heart, " I said. "That face! And just think how many times he's going to break our heart before it's all said and done." I worry that George is going to get in so much trouble. The boys' teacher went out of her way the other day to tell me how focused John is during circle time at school and how he always listens so well and always has the answer to every question. At first I was surprised, because at home he's more likely to give hugs or throw a football at you than answer or ask questions other than where's the yellow drumstick or where's that baseball? NO, THE OTHER BASEBALL! And he never listens. I have to nag him a thousand times to do anything. And I was a little surprised that George wasn't more involved in circle time because he has amazed Will and me with the comments and questions he's come up with lately. Last night Will brought home a site plan from work that is basically a map looking down on a piece of property. George looked at it all by himself and pointed out to us where all the buildings were, where the marina was, and even where the driving range was. When he pointed out the driving range I asked him how he knew that's what that was and he said because it's big. And he's right. Will and I just looked at each other. But what's funny is that George may be (and I'm NOT SAYING HE IS) the most intellectual IN A WAY but he really doesn't care if anyone knows or not. For John, his intelligence is all wrapped up in love and approval. He needs everyone to know how smart he is. I got to school early to pick them up today and so I got to see them line up from the playground. John and James lined up like they were supposed to and George was picking leaves off a bush until the very last minute and then got in line. I worry about how he will do in school long-term. I know how smart he is, but he just doesn't care and he doesn't like to sit still. Having been a teacher, this is not teacher pet material! But who would want a pack of teacher's pets, right? (In the spirit of full disclosure I just may have had a touch of the OO-OO-Call-on-me bug myself...) I'm pretty sure John is going to angle for that--his teacher also told me on another occasion that he comes up to her and rubs her arm or gives her hugs. And what about James? Well, the teachers' report on him is that he doesn't like it when people don't line up right or when things aren't where he think they should be. Also his shoes and socks are sometimes so painful and wrong that he is forced to not so subtly bring it to the teachers' attention. I have no advice for the teachers on how to handle this. James is really smart and has an incredible memory. I think he's going to do great in school and I am so curious to see what he's going to be most interested in. I know he loves music. Next time you see him see if you can get him to sing Hootie and the Blowfish's "Only Want to Be With You." But I'm a tad worried that he sees his teachers and school merely as employees and an institution created purely for his amusement and betterment over whom he should have complete say. Just people playing their role in the Kingdom of James.
Speaking of James and John, my whole family was together this past weekend for my sister's birthday and my grandmother's 80th birthday. My niece Elly who just turned two is absolutely adorable. She played a game where she "falls down" and says, "I fell down! Help me, John!" Lover of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and "Tow" White himself, John was all too happy to save the lady in distress and helped her up several times. Then James came around and she tried it on him. "I fell down! Help me, James!" James looked at her as if to say, 'looks like you got two legs to me, but whatever, and held out a hand and promptly dropped hers the very millisecond she got to her feet. She tried again and James ignored her. I helped you once, now you're on your own , he seemed to say. Not the chivalric type, James. But, I love him. You always know where you stand with him as opposed to the brooding John who keeps you guessing or the flippant George who doesn't care one way or the other. I read an article the other day by a childcare expert whatever that is and his point was that you can try to control your child's behavior, but you can't control or change your child's personality and any attempts to do that will only make whatever friction there is even worse. I don't want to change James' personality even though it is so different from mine, but I do find that when I give in to things that really don't matter but that mean a lot to his "personality" things go so much smoother. It used to drive me NUTS when he would open his door during quiet time and throw out into the hall any dirty clothes that might be on the floor, any shoes, or any toys that did not belong in his room. Now I just check to make sure none of these things are in there before I tuck him in. It used to drive me nuts that every night before I even had a chance to do anything, he would remind me that we needed to brush his teeth and that we needed to say his prayers and that he wanted a kiss AND a hug. Now I brush his teeth early on in the routine so I don't have to hear about it, I make sure we say his prayers as soon as we get in the bed, and I say out loud as I do what of course I always do anyway and love doing, "Here's a kiss AND a hug!" When the teachers mentioned his somewhat OCD tendencies the other morning I did at least offer that if it weren't for James no one would ever remember to brush everyone's teeth every night! I wonder if the tables were turned and someone asked him about me what he'd say about my personality and the adjustments he's had to make so I don't drive him nuts! It's an odd feeling to have a child whose personality is so different--he loves to wake up, I love to sleep. He loves a routine, I love something different every day. He likes to button every button on his shirt, I like to let it all hang out. Hopefully we'll just rub off on each other a little as time goes on or maybe we'll just teach each other how to deal with ourselves and how to deal in a world full of all kinds of personalities. The thing we have most in common, I think, is music. If any tension is there either playing music on the radio or singing songs together makes us both smile. And he loves to dance. Music gets us back to home base and from there we can try again to make it right. And books, too. That goes for all the boys. If ever things are completely out of hand, it is surprising how it can all stop if I sit down and start reading a book out loud. Even if only one is interested at first, by the middle of the book they have all stopped what they are doing and are gathered around and then in a miracle moment there we are, sitting huddled together just the four of us, quiet and all looking at the same page. Even if none of them do well in school academically I hope they at least continue to love books. If I have even that one thing in common with each of them I will be thrilled. I just finished reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen, a long, hilarious, depressing, emotional, crazy, disgusting, uplifting book the other night. I may have mentioned I've had so much trouble sleeping lately. Anyway, after I finished, I turned off the light to go to bed and rolled over to Will and said something like, "Wow, that book." Instead of going to sleep, part of me felt like I was just waking up. "How on earth are you ever going to sleep if you keep reading things like that right before you go to bed?" he asked. I don't know the answer to that, but I'd rather stop sleeping than reading. So here's to sleepless nights! Sorry boys for the reading habit I am trying to instill in you! Please try to read only comforting stories about mittens and moons under the covers and leave those nefarious spinning-wheel tricksters Rumpelstiltskin and Maleficent to the daylight hours or you'll end up sleep-deprived, ranting, and forehead-wrinkled like me!
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