| James' Face Says it All | | Date Created: Apr 23, 2006, 09:02 PM |
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Would you believe that we have had a great three days in a row? I only had to scream and cuss one time and I think the guys must have been thinking, "Geez, hasn't it been nice not having to listen to THAT in a few days? Let's just shut up and maybe the hag will, too," because they did shut up after that and we went on to have a very fine time.
I hardly know where to start..Well, I took this picture of James at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Reunion Celebration at the Medical University. The guys were born at MUSC at 27 weeks (as opposed to the normal 40 weeks gestation for all of you wondering what the heck I am talking about). John stayed in the NICU for two months, George two and a half, and James for three. A lot of it I have blissfully forgotten. It is as blurry in my mind now as crisp and clear the details were while we were living them--an IV needle in James' head, a waiver making sure we understood the risks of something risky when the terrible risks were way better than the alternative, the phone in the family room over which I would report good news to Will in a lowered voice so I wouldn't upset parents whose news was not so good and onto which I spilled my tears and sputtered my words on bad days when the other parents around me politely looked the other way. Maybe it's not such a blur after all. Maybe I just keep all the memories in a blurry storage box in my mind so they don't catch my eye and remind me they're there. I will never forget walking through the double doors to the NICU and seeing a family huddled around a chair where a mother was holding a baby. Will and I looked at each other because only two family members are allowed in the NICU at a time, and there is only one devastating exception to that rule. And I will never forget thanking God as I thank him right now that it wasn't my family or my baby because it could have been. And it's that thankfulness that brings all of the NICU graduates and their families back to the Horseshoe--thankfulness to God that our babies made it out, and thankfulness to the nurses and doctors who made it happen. For the graduate families it's a chance to thank the people we have no way to fully thank and for the nurses and doctors it's a chance to see their work and their hope manifest in rowdy, smiley, beautiful children. When the babies leave the NICU, they're still only a step away from the scrawny sickly wrinkly little creatures they were before they were nurtured by the nurses and doctors. When they go out the door, the nurses and doctors really don't know what will become of each little one. And before they have time to think of it, another baby in need is there to take its place and it's back to work. These amazing caretakers see parents at their worst. Always scared, uncertain, afraid to hope, afraid not to hope, asking endless questions, unable to say a word, seemingly stoic, seemingly on the fringes of a meltdown.
But not at the reunion! The nurses and doctors see the product of all their devotion and all their expertise and they see parents with smiles, parents with hugs, parents with tears of joy, parents full of life and hope and thankfulness. It is literally and figuratively a dark place in the NICU most of the time. But Saturday was sunny even though it was supposed to rain. Music blasted. Graduates ate hot dogs and rode ponies and had their faces painted. The resiliency of children is amazing! A little girl in line next to us at the choo choo train line danced in her wheelchair. A man in line next to us in the food line introduced his son to us. He was the cutest little boy. He stood so patiently waiting for his hot dog with his chin held high and his hands in his pockets. I said, "He's such a little man!" And his father told us how he was his little man indeed, even though he'd only been three pounds when he was born. So seeing the other kids was inspiring and flat-out fun and entertaining. Imagine hundreds of children jumping in jump castles, running around, eating, and playing nonstop. Big kids, little kids, weak ones, strong, wild, and timid. It was awesome. The best part of the day for me, though, was seeing some of the nurses who took care of my boys. Drew is as comforting and human as I remember him in the NICU. He was the most gentle nurse, his voice so soothing, and his hands so masculine and strong and I remember being so glad he would be with my babies that day or night and knowing that he would see them through. Karlayne has a very cherished place because she was James' special nurse, and even at 2 pounds James made it clear his demands would not be ignored. She is incredibly patient and kind and sweet and fun to be around. Baby John has been talking about Kinsey ever since the Reunion. She took care of him in the special care nursery where you're only a short incubator ride from the NICU. She's been our very loved friend ever since. Darren is the Nurse Practitioner who oversaw the boys' care. He was always so straight with us, always trying to find another way if whatever they were doing wasn't working, always available to answer even really hard questions. He is competence personified and a very fine person and I was so glad to see him and show him the guys on Saturday. There are SO many special people to thank, including Georgie's angels Lillian and Stuart, who we didn't see on Saturday but who are on our list of people we are thankful for every day. I know I am going on and on and being sentimental, but MUSC has been a place I couldn't help but associate with pain. On Saturday when I rounded the corner of the sidewalk that leads to the door I would use to go up to the NICU, I had to stop and tap my chest hard with my fist to keep myself from overflowing with tears and sobs. All of the emotions and memories overtook me as I walked the steps I walked SO many times during those months. Now, I can say, I associate MUSC with Cupcake the clown, John taking about 20 minutes to eat his hotdog as he lounged in the grass, George going through the big kids' jump castle and going through the maze and up the steep ladder and down the slide and out the castle without even worrying where we were or if he could really do it, James getting stuck halfway through the big kids' jump castle and causing a huge log-jam of big kids crawling over him and having to be taken back out the wrong way by an adorable and helpful 8-year-old girl with red ringlets, John doing a back flip off the slide in the little kids' jump castle and being jostled and trampled by about 30 other kids and smiling the entire time, James' face flushed with the heat and activity and fun, the happiest luckiest kids in the world, the most thankful and blessed parents in the world, and the most talented and dedicated nurses and doctors in the world. It was truly one of the best days of my life.
I have much more to tell--our weekend actually continued to be full of fun and good behavior for once. But I have about 18 baskets of laundry that require some attention lest we go without clean underwear for another day or are smothered by piles of laundry in our sleep.
Please say a little prayer for all the good folks at the MUSC Children's Hospital and all the sick little babies depending on them tonight. Have an awesome week. I'll try to write more tomorrow night. I have some good pictures, too. |
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