In the last days of the ancient world, the people of Egypt loved
their chariots above all. Some even had chariots pulled by many horses,
and each horse was an oats-guzzler, consuming many barrels of oats per
mile. And the land of Egypt was bountiful in all but oats to
feed the horses to pull their chariots. So the Egyptians traded with
the lands of the Arabites, which had plentiful oats. But the Arabites
wanted gold and silver for their oats. Pharaoh was vexed and called
Joseph the Wise to counsel.
"The Arabites want gold or silver for each barrel of oats," he
complained. "Our treasury will soon be empty. What shall we do?"
"You should give them pieces of papyrus instead of pieces of gold and
silver," counseled Joseph.
"What counsel is this?," exclaimed Pharaoh. "Papyrus is worthless!"
"Exactly," said
Joseph, "Sign each piece of papyrus and call it a buck. Then it is
fiat. That means it is magic, backed by gold or
silver in the royal treasury."
"But what if the Arabites accept our bucks and find out later that they
are still only papyrus?," asked Pharaoh.
"They will by and by," said Joseph. "But in the meantime the people of
Egypt will have oats for the horses of their chariots. And by then
another Pharaoh will be on the throne, and you will not be left holding
the bag of bucks."
Pharaoh was pleased and ordered his scribes to prepare pieces of
papyrus to be bucks.
The Arabites were at first doubtful when the Egyptians presented the
bucks in place of gold and silver. So they called their elders to
counsel. "Pharaoh is supreme leader of the greatest power on earth,"
the elders reasoned. "Let us therefore believe his word." And they
accepted the bucks. And soon other lands, from the land of Cathay to
the land of the Rising Sun, gladly took the bucks.
Then the land of Egypt overflowed with oats from the Arabites and goods
from far lands and the people became fat and happy and loved their
chariots more. Each family vied with the other to have many, yea, even
the unshaven youths had their own chariots.
Meanwhile, the coffers of the Arabites overflowed with the bucks of the
Egyptians. Yet the Arabites grew not wealthier. And they called on
Aaron the Wise to explain this.
"You must demand many, many more bucks from the Egyptians," counseled
Aaron. "And more importantly, you must use the bucks, not keep them in
coffers. Pass the bucks to the people of Cathay. They will give you
many things you lack."
The Arabites did as Aaron counseled. And the people of Cathay accepted
the bucks of the Egyptians gladly, for they too believed the bucks were
magic and they wished to become rich like the people of Egypt. So they
sent many goods to the Arabites and Egyptians and other peoples who
paid with the magic bucks. And the Arabites too grew rich in goods
beyond their dreams, as did the people of Cathay.
Meanwhile,
Pharaoh again became vexed and called Joseph to counsel.
"The Arabites demand too much," he complained. "My scribes make the
pieces of papyrus into bucks day and night, but can not keep up. And my
soothsayers in the think-tank say a time of hardship is coming. What is
to be done?"
"You must scale back the people's consumption and expectations," said
Joseph.
"But the people are fat and happy and love their chariots above all,"
said Pharaoh. How can I make them cut back?"
"Here is the way," said Joseph. "You must make the people feel guilty.
Tell them the earth is a goddess and they have offended her sorely by
using too much of Her bounty. Tell them they much now sacrifice much to
appease the goddess. This year, each family must sacrifice one chariot
and an extra tithe of income to the government, and the government will
ensure that the sacrifices go, ah, directly to the goddess, heh, heh.
But you must act now. While the people are fat and happy they will
praise you."
And Joseph winked, and Pharaoh was greatly pleased and ordered the
royal announcers to inform everyone in the empire that the goddess of
the earth was angry. And the people praised Pharaoh for interceding
with the goddess to appease her with their sacrifices. And by and
by, with the praises of the people ringing in his ears, Pharaoh
retired, making way for a new Pharaoh.
Under the new Pharaoh, the government kept demanding sacrifices to
appease the goddess of the earth. But soon the people began to
murmur, saying, "The government calls for more and more sacrifices to
appease the goddess. Every year the tax-man comes with his whip and
demands we sacrifice a chariot or an extra tithe of income to the
goddess. So the government is rich and gives its supporters sinecures
to live in luxury, whereas we the people are grown poor and forced to
labor long. It is as Joseph predicted: the papyrus of Egypt is become
worthless, and we are left holding the bag of bucks."
Meanwhile, the coffers of Cathay bulged with the bucks of Egypt. And
the wise men of Cathy said, "It is time. Let us find someone to pass
the magic bucks to." And they searched diligently but found no taker.
All peoples of whom they inquired said, "The bucks of Egypt are only
papyrus. They have lost their magic."
And the wise men of Cathay had to admit, "It is true." And they
lamented long, crying, "And we too are left holding the bag."
Meanwhile,
Pharaoh again became vexed and called Joseph to counsel.