Under the heading "seemed like a good idea at the time" must come the next "adventure".
It is first necessary to explain the layout of the barracks at Minden.This consisted of a total of six four-storey brickbuilt barrack blocks, all having basement areas housing shower-rooms, kit-maintenance rooms etc. The whole of this was served with heating, water and electricity in an enormous ring system which started from and returned to, the basement of a seventh similar building known as the "admin block".
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One sunny Sunday afternoon whilst wandering in the gardens between our block and the next, I noticed a manhole cover partially hidden by shrubs. Being something of an inquisitive type I managed to raise it and to peer into the gloom below. I had uncovered a maintenance tunnel for the services I have described. This was a horizontal, bricklined cavity of about two feet square in section. Along one of the walls ran electricity supplies, water-pipes and steam-pipes carrying the services from one barrack-block to the next. These tunnels ran around the whole site, from block to block. So much for setting the scene.
I come now to the story proper. The battalion consisted of six companies, which took turns to provide the various guards and other duties for a month at a time. It was winter and very cold, well below freezing every night. I knew that I had a guard duty coming and began to wonder where I would be able find a relatively sheltered spot, so that I would not become the proverbial brass-monkey! I had, in the past, tried such places as the shower room and the small bunk provided for the duty driver in the M.T. Section. These were not conducive to a relaxed ten-minute "mike" however, due to the ever-present danger of discovery and immediate removal to the cells! "Your feet won’t touch the ground, laddie!" and similar dire warnings.
It was then that I had my awe-inspiring brainwave! During the days leading up to my night of guard-duty I searched around and came up with a couple of old sacks, obtained from God knows where. I sneaked these off to my subterranean hidey-hole feeling very pleased with myself.
Came the night of my guard (2 hours on / 4 hours off) and I carried out my first "stag" in exemplary military fashion.
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My second stag, however was from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m., an altogether different matter! I made my first circuit of my area of responsibility and then made a beeline for the snug warmth of my tunnel (hot steampipes!) I lifted the cover and lowered myself in, closing the cover above me. Ah bliss, I thought. This will do nicely for a few minutes at a time, with a quick tour in between. With this smug and comforting thought I FELL ASLEEP!
I have no idea why I awoke before the morning, but fortunately I did. I looked at my watch and was horrified to see it was 4.20 a.m.! Twenty minutes after the time for the Guard Commander, a corporal, to bring out my relief and allow me to go back to the guardroom for a well-earned kip until reveille.
What the hell was I going to do? I climbed quietly out of my hole and listened. From about a hundred yards away I heard "Where the fuck is he?" and suchlike almost panic-stricken expletives. I thought for a moment and decided that attack was the best form of defence. I moved quietly away from them, to a distance of a couple of hundred yards, then set off towards them at a run, my studded army issue boots ringing on the cobbles. "Where the hell have you been?" I panted, "You're twenty minutes late". "We've been looking for you," said the corporal, and after a few similar exchanges, none very friendly, we made our somewhat sullen way back to the guardroom.
Yes, I am well aware what a stupid thing I did and I still go hot and cold at the realisation of the consequences if I had been caught. I don't have to tell you that I never did it again and I have only one excuse. Did you ever experience a winter night in Germany in 1955?
Note: More pictures of Elizabeth Barracks, Minden, can be found on Ed Boyle's site:
1st Bn The Cameronians (Scottish Rifles) 1962-66
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