The Humbuggies


Christmas awards

Hmm, look what I just found, still in draft mode:

It's time for the Nth Annual Bah-Humbug Awards, presented for awfulness in holiday celebration. Unlike those boring old televised awards, we have a different shape for every category!

The 2007 Humbuggies:

The Golden Earplugs, for Most Over-exposed Tune, goes to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" as sung by Brenda Lee. I don't know if we flipped through the radio stations at just the wrong times, or if it's a special favorite of the programming morons up at Clear Channel, or if there was payola money involved. I swear we heard that damn song every time we got in the car. It's especially annoying when you change the station to get away from it, only to flip right back into it on another.

The Golden Wrecker, for Most Likely to Put Someone in a Ditch, goes to the moron who decided to change into our lane on the interstate, right into the spot we were occupying, while we were being passed at far too high a rate of speed by someone in the lane on the other side of us AND it was snowing an inch an hour, which meant said highway was snow- and slush-covered because the plows simply could not keep up.

The Golden Ambulance, for Landing Yourself in the Emergency Room, which stays in the family, goes to my mom this year. Attention the rest of my family: it's already been awarded, don't try for it. (Please!) But hey, if anybody wants to go for it NEXT year when I'm due for my every-five-years broken foot bones, be my guest. (Please!)

The Golden Cash Register, for Trying to Bilk the Customer, goes to the floral department of my local grocery store. The weekend before Christmas, 3-inch pots of poinsettias were $5 each, but the only Jingle Bells (that's the variegated pink-and-white kind) left was in a ceramic snowman pot going for $13. But when I lifted the plant in the ceramic pot, it turns out they'd just stuck the $5 plants in the ceramic pots. The plants were still in their little plastic pots with the $5 on the outside. Being a sneaky and resourceful person, I removed the pink poinsettia from the ceramic pot and replaced it with a red one. So naturally, the little SOB wilted and died within a week, while the cream-colored one I bought at the same time is still with us. Color me not pleased. (Yeah, kharma's a b!tch.)

Feel free to add your own awards in the comments!

Posted: Wed - January 23, 2008 at 07:40 AM   Home         | | View Technorati reactions

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