Some Simple Guidelines


Dear Persons Living in this Household Whose Names Are Not on Any of the Mortgages:

A few simple guidelines to help make your time here under this roof go a little more smoothly:
Translation: How to keep the decibel level of my voice below that of a fighter jet engine:

1. If you use up the last of something, please write it on the grocery list on the refrigerator with the pen located above the calendar on the side of the refrigerator. In fact, if you notice the amount of something is getting low, go ahead and write it down right then. I know you know how; you all get good grades in Language Arts and I've seen you do it eagerly enough when I ask for a wish list for your birthday.

* Codicil: If you find out you need something for school, write it down the minute you get home and tell me right then. Do not wait until 10 pm the night before you need said item. Or 6 am the morning of.

2. If you have an appointment / meeting / party, please write it on the calendar mentioned above with the pen mentioned above. Please check to make certain your appointment does not conflict with ones already on the calendar, since none of you can drive a car and there's this damned time-space physics law that says I can't be in two places at once.

* Addendum: No, you can't duck out on your music lesson.

* Codicil: Learn to drive, wouldya?

3. If you wear your last clean article of some sort of clothing, please inform me. Better yet, inform me when you've still got at least one more clean one left, since I might just have something else to do besides babysit the washer and dryer while they take care of your dirty clothes. Best bet -- grab an empty clothes basket, make up a load of whatever you're low on (yes, go through the hamper in your sibling's bedroom too, he / she doesn't have cooties) and wash the damned things yourself. I've taught you how. BTW, if you discover you didn't move that load to the dryer 15 minutes before you're supposed to go out the door, those clothes aren't gettin' dry, no way, no how, no matter how high you turn up the heat.

* Addendum: And don't leave your stinky shoes in the family room.

4. Use of the computer for homework wins out over FaceBook or anime viewing or RPG-ing every time. Conflicting homework claims will be sorted out by me, and my decision is final. But if I catch you lying about having homework just to get to the computer, your ass is toast and you'll be leaving a "banned from the computer" status on FB.

* Addendum: Your grades are online; I know if you're doing your assignments or not.

* Codicil: Lying to me about anything else will land you in the same boat.

5. If you download ringtones or games to your phone, or watch a pay-per-view on cable television, it's coming out of your allowance.

* Codicil: Get a job, sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na



Thank you for your kind attention. We hope to make your last few weeks / months / years here pleasant ones, if we can all cooperate.

The Management

Posted: Wed - August 12, 2009 at 11:37 PM   Home         | | View Technorati reactions

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