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Your Relationship Report
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Handling Conflict
Your Conflict Style is Assertive
You're skilled at communicating your point without tearing down others in the process.
At your best, you approach conflicts in a tough minded and assertive way. You see conflicts as a challenge and work hard to get your point across and fix the underlying problem.
Notice the percent of men who typically use the same positive approach to handling conflict as you do.
Assertive and Compromises (30%)
Assertive Only (15%)
Compromises Only (8%)
Mixed (47%)
Other times, you simply try to accommodate your partner and ignore that a disagreement even exists. You'd rather do nothing than potentially say or do something that could hurt your partner or scare her away.
What would it be like to have an argument with your favorite personality type? Individualists occasionally have to assert their right to do what they want, regardless of what you think. She likes to debate and enjoys a heated argument from time to time. Still, as long as you don't try to change her, the two of you can arrive at a "live and let live" truce.
You can be a powerful advocate for what you believe in, but you can slip into viewing a disagreement as a contest you have to win. So be careful to avoid monopolizing the conversation or going into "attack mode." If you pay more attention to what your partner wants, you're more likely to find a win-win solution for both you and the relationship.
You appear to handle conflict very well as long as you apply your strengths, which include:
- You know how to assert your point of view in a positive way. You can talk about your beliefs without dismissing your partner's beliefs. Agree?
- You don't take criticism personally. As long as the feedback is constructive, you don't see it as a threat. Agree?
- You avoid saying provocative things when you argue. You don't insult your partner or "add fuel to the fire," by bringing up other hurtful issues. Agree?
On the other hand, your test results also point to some possible weak points to keep in mind:
- You need to take a break when emotions get too intense. You need to be able to take a step back, calm down, and then return to the disagreement. Agree?
- You don't like to leave conflicts unresolved. Although there's some value to "not going to bed angry," some disagreements take time to work through. Rushing can push off real resolution. Agree?
- You can come across as unforgiving. In what you say and how you say it, your partner may feel like you can't accept or forgive her. Agree?
Couples often differ in how much negative emotion they feel comfortable with. Some couples enjoy intense exchanges, while others avoid them at all cost. You need a partner who wants to keep conflicts to a minimum—who doesn't have to resolve every issue or discuss every hurt feeling. In fact, most ongoing disagreements that couples have center on compatibility and are not easily "fixed." So you need a woman who, like you, wants to accentuate the positive, solve problems when she can, and accept the rest.
Search for a partner with a personality style that handles conflict in a manner similar to yours.
Your Conflict Approach
Is your conflict approach more direct? Or do you tend to avoid conflict as much as possible? This graph shows how your response to conflict compares with other men.- Very Tactful
- Avoid Conflict
- Detached
- Very Direct
- Conflict Is Good
- OK With Anger
Select an option below to continue.
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