Let's Get Real... And Make Fudge



I'm feeling blatantly honest tonight. Everyone wants the people around them to be more honest, yes? And I find I can no longer live with the thought that any of you might believe The Kitchen of the Troll to be a well-ordered place, sparkling clean and totally organized. It just doesn't work that way.

Today I decided to make fudge. After finding a recipe online, I immediately began thinking of ways I could change it and make it my own. Yep, that's the first honest bit. I don't even make things the right way once before I start messing with them.. So, Chocolate Snow Swirl Fudge, along with other more minor alterations, suddenly changes into Chocolate/Butterscotch Snow Swirl Fudge. Maybe. I'm still not sure about the swirly action.

Comments and thought processes are in italics. Recipe bits are in normal font.

1 can (14 ounces) Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Fat Free milk (don't confuse this with evaporated milk. Not the same thing at all.)
1.5 cups semi-sweet chocolate chunks
1.5 cups butterscotch chips (Oh gods. How I loves me the butterscotch chips).
4 tablespoons (one half a stick) butter, halfed.
1.5 teaspoons vanilla extract (I hate using straight vanilla extract. I should put some almond extract in there for nutty flavor... oh wait, nevermind, because the next ingredient is...)
1 cup nuts, chopped (Hmm.. I have walnuts, almonds and coconut. Ixnay on the oconutcay; I might make macaroons later. Almonds are... nahh. Walnuts it is.)
Dash of salt (Obviously, this came from the original recipe. I don't even know what a dash is. Is it more than a pinch? Less than a half-teaspoon? Ugh. I hate cooking with salt.)
1 jar marshmallow creme

Line one 8X8 pan with waxed paper.

What a great idea! Hey, waxed paper doesn't bend! What the hel are they talking about? Good thing these disposable aluminum pans come in packs of three. I can put the waxed paper in one, and then use the other two to squish the paper down in, and maybe it will stay. Oh great. All my fudge is going to be stamped with the Hefty logo.

Place condensed milk, 2 tablespoons butter, chocolate and butterscotch, vanilla, and dash of salt into large saucepan. Place on low to medium heat

Oh gods. Why oh why must you torture me with the butterscotch? Hmmm... if I skimp a little there will be a few chips left for me.

OK. Which measuring spoon is this... Ow! Banged my head on the cabinet door I left open while I was getting out the vanilla, which is going to be measured out in a... why do they make the writing so small? a .5 teaspoon measuring spoon!

Wait, are the walnuts I bought chopped? Nope. Argh. OK. I haven't turned on the heat yet. I'll just let the butter, condensed milk, good stuff, and that damn dash get to know each while I chop the nuts. Hmm... I didn't wash the lid on the chopper. OK... there. Clean! Really!

Wow. These walnuts look like Grape-nuts. Maybe I went overboard with the chopping. Oh, hel. Nuts. Am I going to have to put little stickers on each piece of fudge saying "Warning! Made with nuts!" Is everything else I ever cook going to have to say "Made in the same kitchen as things with nuts." Hmm... that's a bit perverse.

And stir until everything is melted together.

Why oh why did I put my big saucepan on the itty bitty burner? It's too late now; I've already heated it up. Wow. That's pretty thick. Why is it those last little clumps of butter never melt away into the main body of goo? Stir stir stir...

Remove from heat and add nuts. Immediately pour into wax paper-lined 8X8 pan.

Heat marshmallow creme and remaining butter in small saucepan

Heh. Luckily I did plan in advance. Me so smart! I've already got the marshmallow creme and the remaining butter in the little saucepan waiting to be heated. I'll just place it on the warm burner as I take off the fudgy bit... ok. This one actually fits the burner.

This fudge is already starting to congeal as I'm pouring it into the wax paper-lined pan. That trick with the other pans almost worked, too. Wow, a spatula instead of a spoon sure would have been smart....

Hmm.. there seems to be something wrong with my marshmallow creme. (Is it creme or cream? It's not really cream like what you get form a cow, but it's not creme like creme de menthe, either. Would it be betraying my heritage and family line to call it marshmallow fluff? Probably so. What it is is sticky and gross.) Is that caramel I smell? Blargh. It burnt on the bottom. Oh well. I just wont stir too hard and maybe it will stay stuck to the bottom. If not then the snow on my fudge just may look like real snow... dirty and slightly yellow.

Dammit! I dropped the marshmallow creme spoon. I just hope I don't step in that big sticky spot. I know. I have this plastic knife I was using to scrape the marshmallow creme jar. I'll just use it to stir.

When melted and combined, pour over top of fudge. Using a table knife, swirl layers together.

Table knife? I just used my last plastic knife! I'm not a real silverware kind of person... oh wait, I do have that steak knife in the drawer. Eww! What was that... oh yeah, the marshmallow creme splatter on the floor. OK

I can feel myself poking holes in my carefully-laid wax paper as I try to stir the layers together. The fudge is almost totally congealed; I don't know what this is going to look like.

Place fudge in refrigerator. When completely chilled, turn onto cutting board and cut into squares. Store in refrigerator.

There you have it, folks! The truth about what happens in the troll's kitchen. Now if you'll excuse me, I have marshmallow creme in my hair and on my foot. Chow! Pictures later, and they'll be just as honest as always.

Posted: Tue - December 13, 2005 at 09:12 PM          


©
Automated Comment System Powered by Enetation