I've become extremely paranoid lately. I'm sure
that something's out to get me, and it's not cookies this
time.
I keep looking behind everything,
searching for that hidden dagger. I search diligently, and more often than not,
I find it...
Partially hydrogenated
vegetable oils.
DAH DUH
DUHHHHHHHHHHH......
Partially
hydrogenated vegetable oils are the Loki of the culinary universe (Foodheim).
Basically you take a vegetable oil, and you dissolve hydrogen gas into it. The
result? A solid oil, such as margarine, shortening, Cool Whip, or just about
anything labeled "Low Fat."
Oh, if only
I could believe that.
It's true, as far
as it goes. Partially hydrogenated oils aren't fat. Fat is an animal product,
for the most part. Unfortunately, your body doesn't know the difference. It
knows how to handle fats -- it stores them, and converts them into energy.
Partially hydrogenated oils look like fat, so it does the same thing with them.
Unfortunately, your body doesn't know how to turn them back into energy
efficiently, so you're mostly stuck with them, and the effects can actually be
worse than just going ahead and eating the fat in the first
place.
So tonight I said "Screw it.
I'm going to make BUTTER." Nice thick butter. 100% dairy fat, with any non-fat
liquids drained right out of it. There are lots of substitutes for butters and
oils, such as fruit purees (applesauce is the most common), and you can use them
in most baking. Sometimes, though, you just need a solid.
So I went to cookingforengineers.com, an awesome site that
has all sorts of esoteric (and just teric) cooking information and recipes.
Here's their procedure for making butter. My
comments:
You can use a hand mixer with
a bowl, but use a deep one. If you just washed dishes, put them away before you
do this, or they'll probably get all spattered with various stages of
cream/butter.
Be patient. I used
homogenized, ultra-pasteurized heavy whipping cream, and it did butt, but it
took quite a while. Amuse yourself by watching the cream and thinking about
what you could do with each stage (butter cream
frosting....).
Don't expect to save
money on this. It was fun, but it's more expensive than just buying butter in
the first place. You might want to make butter like this for special occasions,
though.
Give it a try. It's yummy.
Expect to smell like a churnery (or buttery, or whatever they called those
places where they churned butter. I hope they didn't call it a butt, because I
don't want to smell like a butt) by the time you get done.