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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
You Mean it's My Fault Too?
I doubt there has ever been any disagreement in
the world that was the sole responsibility of one
party.
It takes two to tango. We've all heard it. We may have heard it from our mother:
"If you and your brother/sister/friend don't stop fighting, you're both going to your rooms/ you're going to your room and (s)he's going home!"
"But Mom, (s)he started it!"
"It takes two to tango!" Or, more commonly, "And I'm gonna finish it!"
However, it's the easy way out to blame both parties in all cases. For example, suppose I am the people of Kosovo and the Turks are invading my home in 1389. I could just let them over-run my home, take me into slavery, and smile the whole time. Is that a reasonable response? Hardly. So I fight back. Hopefully, in doing so, I don't cause 75,000 people to be killed at Kosovo Polje (The Field of the Black Birds), and don't spark off a conflict that lasts for the next (at least) 600 years.
So I'm not trying to say that one shouldn't defend one's self just because the blame will then be shared. Defense is good. Understand, however, that when it's all over, the fight/argument/blowup/whatever will be partially your fault. That's one of the risks you run when you refuse to let someone else's opinion go unchallenged, and things turn ugly.
Once it's over, it's over. No matter what mud was slung your way or that you slung in another direction, let it go. Don't let yourself get eaten up inside with "I should have said ______" statements. That's what turns a regular argument into the Balkans. A conflict is never over until both parties agree to let it die.
I tend to quote country songs a lot, and there's a quote right now that won't come quite clear in my mind. I'll give it a try anyway. "Whatever you do today you'll have to sleep with tonight." I can't remember it exactly, because, as you can probably guess from the wording, I tend to deliberately mangle it to be vaguely dirty anyway. However, there's a good point in there. Watch what you say and do, because when you're alone in your head you're going to have to live with those things. No one can live life without any regrets at all, but we can minimize those regrets by thinking in advance: "Is this worth it?"
Hope this helps somebody out there. I've made mistakes myself, and at least I got this much out of it, if nothing else. I Promise to make a more upbeat entry soon.
It takes two to tango. We've all heard it. We may have heard it from our mother:
"If you and your brother/sister/friend don't stop fighting, you're both going to your rooms/ you're going to your room and (s)he's going home!"
"But Mom, (s)he started it!"
"It takes two to tango!" Or, more commonly, "And I'm gonna finish it!"
However, it's the easy way out to blame both parties in all cases. For example, suppose I am the people of Kosovo and the Turks are invading my home in 1389. I could just let them over-run my home, take me into slavery, and smile the whole time. Is that a reasonable response? Hardly. So I fight back. Hopefully, in doing so, I don't cause 75,000 people to be killed at Kosovo Polje (The Field of the Black Birds), and don't spark off a conflict that lasts for the next (at least) 600 years.
So I'm not trying to say that one shouldn't defend one's self just because the blame will then be shared. Defense is good. Understand, however, that when it's all over, the fight/argument/blowup/whatever will be partially your fault. That's one of the risks you run when you refuse to let someone else's opinion go unchallenged, and things turn ugly.
Once it's over, it's over. No matter what mud was slung your way or that you slung in another direction, let it go. Don't let yourself get eaten up inside with "I should have said ______" statements. That's what turns a regular argument into the Balkans. A conflict is never over until both parties agree to let it die.
I tend to quote country songs a lot, and there's a quote right now that won't come quite clear in my mind. I'll give it a try anyway. "Whatever you do today you'll have to sleep with tonight." I can't remember it exactly, because, as you can probably guess from the wording, I tend to deliberately mangle it to be vaguely dirty anyway. However, there's a good point in there. Watch what you say and do, because when you're alone in your head you're going to have to live with those things. No one can live life without any regrets at all, but we can minimize those regrets by thinking in advance: "Is this worth it?"
Hope this helps somebody out there. I've made mistakes myself, and at least I got this much out of it, if nothing else. I Promise to make a more upbeat entry soon.
Posted: Tue - March 16, 2004 at 03:06 AM