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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
O Brother, Who Art Thou?
Despite the fact that I once lived in California
for 8 months, I am still very selective when it comes to those who have earned
the title of "brother."
Once upon a time, years and years ago (around 1991, up to 1995 or so), I wouldn't have been so selective, but then for most of those years, the idea wouldn't have occurred to me. Here comes some background stuff, so if you think in terms of movie effects, here's where everything starts getting wavy and we turn back our clocks to a time in the past.
I wasn't particularly UNpopular in elementary and high school. I just wasn't what was considered "friend material" by most. I was like New Coke -- I just never really caught on with most people. It made little difference to me, most of the time. I liked being alone. Sure, I like most non-popular kids would have liked to have been popular, but I never went to extreme lengths to make this happen, like Sarah Jessica Parker in Square Pegs.
College rolled around. Suddenly I had more friends than there had been students in my senior class (47. In my senior class. I never actually counted the friends; that would have been a bit tacky). I'd had no real experience at this; what was I supposed to do? I decided to go with the flow; to be nice to them and trust that they would be nice to me.
Wow. Looking back now, I was extremely naive. I really had nothing; it never occurred to me that anyone would want to be my friend for any reason other than having a friend. And I got betrayed a lot. Understand here that my betrayals were as much my own doing as anyone else's. When you've never had many friends before and suddenly there are people wanting to hang out with you, you like that. So you spend a lot of time with these people, and you give them your trust. Any little thing may seem like a betrayal when you have what you've never had, and you aren't quite sure you can hang onto it.
So I gradually learned that there were many people out there who just lied about things for no apparent reason. I didn't understand why (and I still don't). These people were attracted to me, most likely because I was willing to believe anything, as long as you claimed to be my friend.
Sooner or later, I wised up (there should be another form for the past tense of the verb wise, but if I say wose up you will all assume that I lisp and levitate). It took a long time. In 1994 out of desperation I joined a fraternity. In 1996 out of desperation I left the fraternity, of which I had somehow become President. Right before a meeting I walked in, announced "I can't do this anymore," walked out and went to Hardee's for coffee. That was that. Understand that in a fraternity you don't really get to choose. Everyone is your brother. There was still betrayal, lies, all of that sort of thing. I hadn't escaped it by investing money into my friend account. I think it was about then I truly began to understand.
Then of course later there were the murders, and the vampire cults (I wasn't a member. Honest), and general assorted weirdness. If you know me in person for any length of time you'll hear these stories and countless more, but for right now we're fast forwarding right past that.
(End wavy film effect)
Nowadays I'm not so trusting. Someone truly has to earn my trust and be really special in my life to be called "bro" or "brother." I'm not going to list them here; they know who they are, and I hope they understand how special they are to me.
Damn. That got mushy quick. Sorry 'bout that.
Once upon a time, years and years ago (around 1991, up to 1995 or so), I wouldn't have been so selective, but then for most of those years, the idea wouldn't have occurred to me. Here comes some background stuff, so if you think in terms of movie effects, here's where everything starts getting wavy and we turn back our clocks to a time in the past.
I wasn't particularly UNpopular in elementary and high school. I just wasn't what was considered "friend material" by most. I was like New Coke -- I just never really caught on with most people. It made little difference to me, most of the time. I liked being alone. Sure, I like most non-popular kids would have liked to have been popular, but I never went to extreme lengths to make this happen, like Sarah Jessica Parker in Square Pegs.
College rolled around. Suddenly I had more friends than there had been students in my senior class (47. In my senior class. I never actually counted the friends; that would have been a bit tacky). I'd had no real experience at this; what was I supposed to do? I decided to go with the flow; to be nice to them and trust that they would be nice to me.
Wow. Looking back now, I was extremely naive. I really had nothing; it never occurred to me that anyone would want to be my friend for any reason other than having a friend. And I got betrayed a lot. Understand here that my betrayals were as much my own doing as anyone else's. When you've never had many friends before and suddenly there are people wanting to hang out with you, you like that. So you spend a lot of time with these people, and you give them your trust. Any little thing may seem like a betrayal when you have what you've never had, and you aren't quite sure you can hang onto it.
So I gradually learned that there were many people out there who just lied about things for no apparent reason. I didn't understand why (and I still don't). These people were attracted to me, most likely because I was willing to believe anything, as long as you claimed to be my friend.
Sooner or later, I wised up (there should be another form for the past tense of the verb wise, but if I say wose up you will all assume that I lisp and levitate). It took a long time. In 1994 out of desperation I joined a fraternity. In 1996 out of desperation I left the fraternity, of which I had somehow become President. Right before a meeting I walked in, announced "I can't do this anymore," walked out and went to Hardee's for coffee. That was that. Understand that in a fraternity you don't really get to choose. Everyone is your brother. There was still betrayal, lies, all of that sort of thing. I hadn't escaped it by investing money into my friend account. I think it was about then I truly began to understand.
Then of course later there were the murders, and the vampire cults (I wasn't a member. Honest), and general assorted weirdness. If you know me in person for any length of time you'll hear these stories and countless more, but for right now we're fast forwarding right past that.
(End wavy film effect)
Nowadays I'm not so trusting. Someone truly has to earn my trust and be really special in my life to be called "bro" or "brother." I'm not going to list them here; they know who they are, and I hope they understand how special they are to me.
Damn. That got mushy quick. Sorry 'bout that.
Posted: Mon - March 8, 2004 at 03:50 PM