Anniversary Eve



In about an hour, it will be the 4th of April. While in the United States it is normally the 4th of July which is considered the anniversary of independence, for me April 4th works just as well.

3 months ago, on the 4th of January, I quit smoking. And yeah, I'm pretty proud of that.

I can't believe I've made it this far without cheating. Not once. About 90 days. One season. No smoke. In a way it doesn't seem real. Just today I had a dream that I smoked not one, but two cigarettes. This happens when I quit -- really vivid dreams about smoking (although I never expected to have them 3 months later). I wake up thinking that the dream was real and all my hard work has gone down the drain. What's really sad about it is that I'm relieved that I've stopped being a quitter. Then I really wake up, and feel ashamed. This doesn't happen often, mind you; just on occasion. "On occasion" has been often enough, though, over the span of three months.

Back in December, I decided to quit. I went to the base hospital for the smoking cessation class. I'd tried patches and gum before, and never got anything out of them. This time I tried Zyban. I had to talk to the Army psychiatrist first; she was nice, and informed me the most interesting side effect was "exercise-induced orgasm." I promised to carry a towel to the gym, collected my bottle of little purple pills, and left.

Eight days later, I smoked my last cigarette. Bubbles' "Video Killed the Radio Star" was playing on the radio, and that still seems appropriate somehow. I threw away the pack and my lighter. Went back to my room, grabbed the last few packs from the carton I'd bought a week before, and headed to my office.

When I got there, my boss looked up. I tossed the packs to him. He said "Are you sure?" I said, "No, I'm not. But I'm not going to get any surer."

I've made it this far. Now comes a big challenge, though. It's easy to not do something when every day is the same. I work at night, so it's not exactly easy for me to get to the PX if I have a sudden craving (although, to be perfectly honest, I haven't had many). I'm going home in two weeks. It's going to be totally different there, and I just hope I'm ready to deal with it.

In the meantime, YAY ME!

Posted: Sun - April 4, 2004 at 03:50 AM          


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