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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
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Published On: Apr 26, 2006 10:02 PM
Regarding Betrayal and Forgiveness
I seem to mention the word "betrayal" quite a
bit. I'm not sure why; I don't like the word or the concept. It's too
melodramatic for most situations. Mostly what I mean when I say "betrayal" is
this: Someone, somehow, did not live up to my expectations of them.
There are a few reasons this might be. Either the expectations were unreasonable, or the person was. My perception of the situation may be incorrect due to any of a number of causes.
How exactly do I arrive at these expectations? Mostly through observation. If through regular interaction someone appears to be forthright and honest, then I expect them to be that way with me. Partly, I admit that I expect others to treat me as I treat them. If I express interest in their lives, I expect them to express an interest in mine.
So what about forgiveness? Sometimes, of course, if my perception of the situation is wrong, then there is nothing for me to forgive; quite the opposite, in fact. But what about those other occasions where I truly feel wronged?
I'm not always a forgiving person. One of the worst transgressions one can perform against me is to lie. Repeat liars rarely get another chance with me. Most other things, however, are up for grabs, at least a few times. But! My expectations do not lower after a "betrayal" and forgiveness. Suppose I believe someone is kind and level-headed, and then over the course of a few days they are constantly rude to me. I may forgive them, but they still must meet my expectation that they are kind and level-headed. Certainly I don't expect people to be perfectly kind and perfectly level-headed. How interesting would that be? The clincher is the overall trend.
I don't like turning my back on people. See the essay titled "Oh Brother, who art thou?" for some reasons why. You may then understand why I usually tend to forgive whatever I can. However, I'm not Christ, and I'm not a Christian, so it is entirely upon my own head to determine whether forgiveness is offered or not.
There are a few reasons this might be. Either the expectations were unreasonable, or the person was. My perception of the situation may be incorrect due to any of a number of causes.
How exactly do I arrive at these expectations? Mostly through observation. If through regular interaction someone appears to be forthright and honest, then I expect them to be that way with me. Partly, I admit that I expect others to treat me as I treat them. If I express interest in their lives, I expect them to express an interest in mine.
So what about forgiveness? Sometimes, of course, if my perception of the situation is wrong, then there is nothing for me to forgive; quite the opposite, in fact. But what about those other occasions where I truly feel wronged?
I'm not always a forgiving person. One of the worst transgressions one can perform against me is to lie. Repeat liars rarely get another chance with me. Most other things, however, are up for grabs, at least a few times. But! My expectations do not lower after a "betrayal" and forgiveness. Suppose I believe someone is kind and level-headed, and then over the course of a few days they are constantly rude to me. I may forgive them, but they still must meet my expectation that they are kind and level-headed. Certainly I don't expect people to be perfectly kind and perfectly level-headed. How interesting would that be? The clincher is the overall trend.
I don't like turning my back on people. See the essay titled "Oh Brother, who art thou?" for some reasons why. You may then understand why I usually tend to forgive whatever I can. However, I'm not Christ, and I'm not a Christian, so it is entirely upon my own head to determine whether forgiveness is offered or not.
Posted: Wed - March 10, 2004 at 02:23 PM