Wedding of Ari Frede and Gail L. Stern
by Rabbi Eliot Cosgrove, June 27, 2004

Ari and Gail:
    If there is one symbol, one ritual which is identified with a Jewish wedding ceremony, it is the tradition of breaking the glass.  And for this one act at the end of every Jewish wedding, there exists an infinite number of explanations, probably as numerous as the number of Jewish clergy ordained over the millennia.  We are familiar with some of them:  ranging from the serious – a reminder of the shattered state of the people of Israel in exile, to the functional – a way to transition from the gravity of the wedding ceremony to the festivities that follow, to the horribly clichéd – the final time a man will put his foot down in his life.  Ari and Gail, allow me to offer my own interpretation.  The breaking of a glass serves a profound theological reminder of two states of being:  the world as it is and the world as it could be.  A world which is in need of repair and a world which is repaired.  So every Jewish wedding ends with a recessional as the couple treads over the broken glass, a not so subtle reminder that the world they enter is a world in need of fixing, the Hebrew word is Tikkun.  but this act, more than anything else, becomes an act of hope, because if there is one counterweight, one assurance that our world in need of repair is not beyond repair, it is the love and affections of a newly married couple.  A wedding is a glorious statement that love is a powerful redemptive act not just for the happy couple, but for the community beholding the wedding couple.  

    Gail and Ari, I can think of no better individuals, and no better couple than the two of you, with this redemptive thought of Tikkun or repair, in mind.  For long before the two of you met each other, you were both well attuned to the fact that there are indeed two worlds:  the one that we inhabit and the one which we strive to create.  Gail, intellectually, professionally, and personally you have long committed yourself to finding justice in an unjust world.  Ari, for those who know you, know that your musical, literary, and poetic talents are no mere self-indulgence, but an active act of uplifting the soul, of bringing awareness to all of the beauty of God’s creation.  Indeed, it could be said that the two f you are what the prophet Micah imagined when he insisted that God’s demand on humanity is “to do justice, love kindness, a and walk humbly before the Lord.”

    And, then something truly blessed happened.  These two remarkable individuals met, and their worlds were infused with a greater potential than before.  And though there are varying versions of your courtship, and some debate on which was in fact the first date, second date, and third date, the fact remains that you both saw in each other and each other’s chosen trades, a striving which you admired.  Perhaps it was Gail claiming Mario Cuomo as one of her greatest heroes, or perhaps it was Ari’s decision to give up his cat named Monkey, so Gail’s allergies wouldn’t react.  Or maybe it was Gail’s decision not to wonder (as I am sure many have) why Ari’s cat was named Monkey in the first place.  Regardless of the precise moment, you two were quickly smitten with each other and have been ever since.

    Ari, you call Gail a “Colossal model of womanhood.”  Her inner beauty is as apparent as her outer, a powerful intellect with a loving and nurturing manner which leaves you awed in her presence.  Gail, so too Ari is your greatest joy, his kindness, generosity, and loyalty, both to you and to those people lucky enough to call themselves his friends.  He demonstrates his ability to be supportive and challenging all at once.  Truly, the two of you have found another who will make you better individuals.  And even in your differences, you  have learned about yourselves and who you want to be.  You pride yourselves on your ability to communicate, to clarify each other’s needs and your own.  You are truly, and in your case literally, engaged in the sacred task of building a home together, a home of love, yiddishkeit, and Jewish activity and involvement.

    But most of all, and it is here that I would like to focus for a minute, you are both filled with laughter.  You are both blessed with a wonderful sense of humor:  an ability to laugh at the world, at each other, and most importantly, at yourselves.  The great theologian of the past century, Reinhold Nieburh, reminds us that a sense of humor is the human response to the incongruities of our existence.  And it is the ability to laugh, which is the prelude to transcendence and the prophetic act of fixing our world.  Ari and Gail, the blossoming of your love has happened in the presence of great sadness.  And the death of your father, Ari, Ric Frede, threw the two of you into unexpected roles and supports for each other, which though nobody would have ever wished it to be this way, the past year has brought you closer as a couple.  And we are comforted with the knowledge of how happy Ric was in knowing that the two of you are together.  Ari and Gail, you are both well aware that tears and laughter exist on the same emotional registry, both responses to the incongruities and absurdities of the world.  It is your ability to harness the mysterious admixture brought on by tears and laughter, which is your strength not just now, but for many years to come, as life’s joys are made sweeter and you are there for each other, to laugh with the challenges life sends your way.

    Gail and Ari, to behold the two of you and be in your presence is truly inspiring.  Your passion, dynamism, and affections for each other, and your ability to laugh with each other and at each other are the stuff of true and enduring love.  We hear in your love the echo of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s words:

    How Do I Love Thee?
        To the depths and breadths and height my soul can reach.
        When feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal and grace.
        I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need by sun and candlelight.
        I love thee freely as men strive for right.
        I love thee purely as they turn from praise
        I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs,
        And with my childhood’s faith.
        I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints –
        I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!
        If God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

Gail and Ari, your love is to depths and breadths and height a soul can reach and is a blessed thing to behold.  I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we cannot wait, but to spend our lives inspired by your presence, grace, smiles, laughter, and most of all your love.

Amen.