The Cady Chase

Playing at the zoo in Sioux Falls, South Dakota



Also a few new pictures of Cady playing outside. Yeah, the lawn really needed to be cut at the time.

As I promised earlier today, the rest of the pictures from our trip to South Dakota. There are lots to see, in order as follows: The Butterfly House, The Great Plains Zoo, and The Falls of the Big Sioux River.

Enjoy

Ok I might be confused a bit too. I decided to split the blog up into separate chapters (with a little overlap) to allow things to load better for people as well as making it easier to archive as well. The split fit best at the point that we arrived back home from our trip to China, so regular visitors will have already read things up to this point. If you're using bloglines or another blog tracker, you will need to update this site now.

We appreciate your understanding and your continued visitation. Chapter One will not go away, so you can visit and search, but will no longer be updated.

I'll get some more of our South Dakota photos up today as a reward for your understanding.

So as yesterday's posting indicated, we spent the past week enjoying a long overdue visit with my family in South Dakota. Excluding the time in the airplanes, it was 8 days of maximum attention all on Cady. I have my mother, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, and 13 nieces and nephews, most of which were able to visit. This meant that virtually every waking moment of the week was spent with someone openly adoring my daughter. Naturally, Cady had no complaints. Of course, being the newest and youngest member of the family, in their eyes, she could do no wrong. Yeah, we might have to start the process now of beginning to un-spoil this little girl a bit, as she is now starting to test us.

This test begins whenever we have to take something away, or tell her "no-no", a term she not only knows well, but repeats often, accompanied with a stern look and a finger shake at the item we are telling her not to touch. Some day we may get some pictures or video of this, though it's tough to maintain the seriousness of a discipline while waving a camera at her. Right now, when taking something away, she will make the play, and out comes the bottom lip, the eyes begin to melt, and she will begin this adorable little pout that, if unprepared, will melt the coldest adult. After quickly seeing that this isn't working, she will even look for a level surface to put her forehead down on while rubbing her eyes. Even the pout is fake, but she does try.

We knew it would come. It was a great recommendation in all of our readings before seeing her for the first time that we should be well prepared to spoil Cady as much as we could. It helps the bonding, and it works very well. We also knew in advance that this spoiling could not last forever, and that, as time passed, we would have to wean her from this a bit down to a normal level. I've seen some very spoiled children, and I have every confidence that Cady will make this adjustment with only small issues. Even now, she is seeing that the pouting performance isn't going to work, and Karen and I are adamantly aware that we need to keep a firm counter together on this re-adjustment.

With a few rare exceptions, gone are the late night wakings, the naps go smoothly, she eats well, exercises well, and her mind is as sharp as any child I have ever seen. Every plane trip we have had ends with one or more people praising how well she travels, and often people are even amazed at how young she is, comparing her with their own children's advancement when they are much older than she is.

This past week with all of her family, we saw huge strides in her advancement. It was mostly small things, as she picked up a lot of new words that she can now say, with varying degrees of success. Monkey sounds like Mama, Dog still sounds like Gaguh, and our current favorite is Turtle. She pronounces it very clearly, and we can't help but smile when she does, because she puts such an accent on it that makes it so adorable. There was even a morning after waking up that she was just laying on the floor looking at the ceiling and saying all of the words that she knows. I have never read or heard about something like this, but it definitely happened, and continued until she noticed that we were all staring wide eyed at her, at which point she got back up with a smile and returned to her play. She simply amazes us every day.

This is the last day of my party, and tomorrow I have to return to work. It will be the first time I have ever been away from my baby for longer than an hour I think, and something tells me that I may not take it very well. I really don't want to do it, but I have a wonderful job and co-workers that I do miss greatly, and if I want to buy Cady that Baby Grand, I really should start making more money.

I still have more to write, and I need to cover the rest of the trip, including the Butterfly House, the Great Plains Zoo, and the Falls of the Big Sioux River, some of which will even include some fun video.

My family had been warned on arrival that, by allowing us to come visit, they were likely to end up appearing on the blog. I've added one of the sets of images up on the page now, focusing on the moments in between those visits to the zoo, the park, and the Butterfly House. I told you all I would make you famous. Pictures at the top under the South Dakota link, or by clicking here.

Thanks as always for reading, and I will write again soon.

So where have we been??

Well, we were away. Far far away in the land I almost forgot. We took our trip to South Dakota, to see the family I had left behind so long ago, when I migrated to California. In this age of Audio/Video Chats (If any of my family members would buy one of these), email, and inexpensive long distance calls, the world is a much smaller place. It's never small enough. I didn't even know how much I would miss my family even until we were leaving to come back home just yesterday.

But what a time we had. Many many pictures to follow, and even some video to boot.

Anyhow, We had a lot of fun, and there will be lots to catch up on as time permits.

Stay Tuned...

As we have written in the past, on our Gotcha Day, we encountered some wonderful people who were actually visiting Anhui 8 years after their own Gotcha. We were able to meet Becky, Caitlin, and their parents, which was so wonderful. I know the story was told, how when Cathy (Caitlin's mommy) was in the taxi, waiting to leave, she saw the bus with Cady and Macy. She had the cab hold, and ran in to take some pictures of our little girls. She sent these to us a little bit back, though this is the first time I have posted them. I have trouble finding the words to express just how incredible it is to have these pictures along with our story, and how fortunate we are to have Cathy, Phil, and Caitlin along with us on our journey, past, present, and future.




We're still doing well, and we look forward to each morning when Cady wakes up to greet her new day, almost always with smiles and chatter. She learns things so quickly, and there are times when either Karen or I have to ask the other "Did you teach her that?" to which the answer is usually "I might have said it to her once.." As written in the past, it's never that she just repeats words or actions that she hears and sees, but that she understands almost every expression that she uses. If we could figure out what "Dum-mnn" is, which she says whenever she points to something (we think she is saying "something" or the like) we will be in really good shape.

So we went to the mall yesterday, for something that I have been waiting to get for some time. If you have looked closely enough, you will see that I am almost always wearing my Vans Classic Slip-ons. It's not just about style, but more because wearing laced shoes tend to hurt the top of my foot, so it's mostly about comfort. So we finally were able to get a pair for Cady, shown below along with a pair of Daddy's louder Vans.



For those of you who have a Gotcha moment coming up, once again as I have written in the past, we highly recommend that you request a visit to your child's SWI. Generally at the Gotcha Day, parents are allowed to ask questions about their child, such as what they like to eat, what they like to play with,and so on. This is usually the time when you can ask to visit. It's not always allowed, but it was such an incredible moment, you definitely want to do what you can to make that trip. It does come with some ups and downs though. Some have indicated that there can be a regression period after such a visit, particularly if the child had become attached. We understood that from the beginning when we made that request, and we were just extra attentive to Cady's signals after we completed our visit.

Another one of the big things that we encountered was not anticipated, even though we were also warned in advance about it. It's very likely that if you visit the SWI, you may not leave with an entirely fulfilled heart.

Even before we had our referral, Karen would hint at the possibility that we would want to adopt a second child after Cady was home and settled in. I would always brush it off and explain how tough it will be for us to handle one child, with working and such. Eventually it came down to the fact that we would not think about that until we had Cady home, and began learning how well we could raise her. Of course I could say this all I wanted, and yeah, Karen would nod, smile, and continue thinking about that second child.

For me, the wheels began turning on this after arriving home from China. Of course I think we're extremely fortunate that Cady has come to us so incredibly well adjusted, so that may cloud the thinking a little. In addition to that, the entire experience can be addictive. The entire process is so euphoric, that when home, there is definitely a pull back to doing it again, but not for all the right reasons. Rather than wanting to adopt again to have a second wonderful child in your lives, the real pull is the excitement of showers, referral, gotcha, adoption day, the red couch, Guangzhou, and so on. For those of you considering a second adoption, just be aware of that pull. If you can sit back, remove those thoughts of those exciting periods, and really feel that you want to bring another child into your lives, then bless you, bless you, bless you.

While cutting and mixing all of the video and stills from the trip, Karen and I talked more and more about a second child. We still have only a little idea about the obstacles that Cady will have in her life. We know to be prepared and aware that things will happen, and we plan to be prepared to encounter and handle those things in full force. But we have thought about how much of this she might still be doing alone, being on her own throughout this path. We'll definitely be there for her, but we cannot feel the things she feels. We can only hope to understand her feelings as she shares them with us. In this we too will be vigilant. While working on the video clips, I found myself spinning back to one particular piece over and over.



Yes, if you can't pick it out right from the video, it's the little girl in the green coat. While actually filming it, nothing registered about her. We were pretty overwhelmed with everything on this visit, and so I was just filming the play area. It wasn't until much later, back at home, that I started watching her more and more. Now I want so much to just hop in the car, and drive over to the SWI to take some more film clips just to see if I can tell what the pull is. Mind you, and this is very very important, my heart still belongs to Cady, and this is not just a "honeymoon's over" type of thing. I still can't figure out though what this pull is about. Could she be any child in any SWI that I wanted to bring home? I'm really not certain about that. Most of me believes it was just that she really seemed to know what was happening while we were walking by, and had thoughts and feelings about that.

When visiting our agency recently, I even mentioned it to our Program Director (Hi Rachel!) and I even showed her the video clip. Sadly our agency doesn't handle situations like that, though she offered us some recommendations on what we could try. I have to tell you though, that if she had told us that she could make it happen, we would be starting the paperwork as soon as someone allowed us to. Realistically, I doubt we could make it happen. If adopting parents are allowed to choose their children in any way, shape, or form, we have no idea how to do that, though we might send some letters to Half the Sky anyhow.

So what does this all mean? Well I'm not certain. If it's somehow possible to complete this concept in my head, then it will be done. If not, then Karen and I are still really seriously discussing the possibilities of another journey, another round of "Scott versus the airlines", and another incredibly magical moment in our lives.

Stay tuned...

Update: Wow. We had written about this experience on a couple of other message boards, and not only did people know who she was (she seems to capture a lot of people's eyes) but also that she has parents now hurrying to get to China to be with her. While I am very thrilled for this little girl, a little piece of me feels sad, but only for myself. I'm working that out in my head right now.

I promised I would write sooner, with something profound and insightful, but, to be honest, it's more difficult right now than it used to be. Are the hours of child talk with my daughter dumbing me down? Perhaps my mind is just getting numb without the verbal challenges of my co-workers and friends? (Hi everyone!) Could it be that I haven't had time to look at a newspaper or a book in months? Orrrr maybe I just spend more time trying to coax an extra hug and kiss from my sweet pumpkin lately, and am exploring the feelings of pure love for this little girl.

As I write at this point, I remember things that had occured to me in recent times that I wanted to mention. A few of the things I have learned about myself, and being a parent..

A standard 18 month old child will generate up to 5 times her own weight in trash each week. We're actually putting out full cans every Friday now.

Though I think this part is fairly unique to Cady, it's worth mentioning. All of the tests we had done for Cady after arriving home have come through ok, except she does have Giardia. In spite of the precautions that Karen and I have taken, we have had some possible symptoms of it as well. My last night in Guangzhou could have also been the point when I contracted it, or with the period it can take to develop, I may have even picked it up on the first day in China. All I know is that we're all taking bitter bitter medicine. Karen and I, being adults and all, manage the medicine with funny icky gooey faces, but Cady is another story. She has to take the medicine in a different form. It's 6 ml from a dropper 3 times a day. This stuff is nasty harsh, and it takes everything we have to get this medicine into her. The bitterness cannot be masked either. We tried mixing it with lots of things, and even heavily diluted, the child can tell it's in there and won't touch it. Now here's the kicker. We get it into her mouth, and she will hold it in her mouth. She doesn't spit it out at all. We now try to figure out ways to get her to swallow it so we can move on through the day, but there are times when she has kept this nasty stuff in her mouth for upwards of 45 minutes. So far the only thing we have gotten to work is to hold her nose in small time increments, just long enough for her to swallow a little. It breaks my heart 3 times a day to have to do this, particularly as some doctors say that if she doesn't have any symptoms (she doesn't), treatment may not even be necessary. We want to be certain though, so we do this to her.

Another new thing that I have learned is probably the most incredible. This is my first time as a daddy, so though it may seem obvious to some, it may not to others. It certainly didn't to me. In my history, I have known love. I have known love for my family, for girlfriends in my past, and very much so for Karen now. I have never known a love as strong as I feel for this little girl that we have brought into our home. Love for your family is a given. You grow up with it, and it's just an ever present thing that you have always known. Love for a companion ranges from a youthful crush to even an eternal bond with a spouse. Even love for God, in my history, much like that of my family, has always just always been. This love I have for Cady is beyond that. It's unequivocably and unconditionally present, and at the risk of being too mushy (yeah right, like I am in time to stop that) it is just gushing from me to my little girl.



It is truly the most powerful emotion that I have ever felt in my life.

Before Cady was in our home, I was fairly certain that I knew what it was like to be a daddy. Now I can say with absolute certainty that I do.

Here's another video I pieced together with lots of my favorite little snippets since Cady was within our reach. A couple of them you may have seen, but others are in the open for the first time now.