Quite a bit has happened in the past week or so, and I promise to write about it soon, either tonight or maybe tomorrow. We've had some ups and downs, but all of them have been really good learning experiences. I have a few thoughts on how things are working, and you'll all hear about it when time permits.
Meanwhile, we're making our first trip back to our agency today. It seems with the videos and writing on this site, Cady has become a little bit of a celebrity. Well we promise not to let it get to our heads, at least until we get really famous.
As the post title suggests, our daughter is dancing. Way back on gotcha day, when we were given an opportunity to ask questions of the SWI director about Cady, we were asking about the things she enjoys. All of the people from her SWI all laughed right when the question was translated to them, and they all started talking at once to our guide. Well the answer was a resounding "She likes to dance." So we danced a lot with her, and she loved it, but rarely did much other than rocking a bit. It was clearly dancing, but never seemed to really be something she was extra enthusiastic about.
Until recently.
She dances all the time now to the opening music from The Backyardigans and loves watching the show. She doesn't really watch television at all, and has almost no interest in any other television shows, but when this show comes on, she becomes fixated to the television. We certainly don't mind, as it's a very positive show, and it's not Teletubbies or Barney. I am told that Barney is hugely educational, and I can appreciate that, but it's far too sugary sweet for me to want to sit through. Barney still may happen, but Daddy may need to work into that one slowly. We're sticking with The Backyardigans for the moment.
The other night, while watching television, one of the Verizon commercials came on the air, and Cady ran out and really started dancing. It was the commercial with the music by Sean Paul (Temperature). Though the lyrics are a bit umm.. questionable, they are harder to hear, and Cady just loves the beat. Today we tried lots of other styles of music, from metal, to classical, to rock, and nothing gets my daughter dancing like hip hop. I have tried some other hip hop tunes as well, and she likes Bust A Move as well.
Writer's note: Daddy really hopes that the music he is describing right now really is hip hop, and that he is not openly displaying his ignorance right now.
So we got a few clips of her dancing, and now you too can see that my baby has some real moves. Note that we didn't teach her how to do this, and we're guessing that she just picked it up from the dancers on the commercial.
Considering that Daddy's music collection is quite a bit different (More than 10 hours of Beatles tunes), we're probably looking at an expansion of that in the near future, as income allows.
Enjoy
Cady enjoys the park, and her favorites are the slide and the sand, but I think her favorite is the swings, which is further enhanced when it becomes an interactive event with Mommy and Daddy. Giggles and laughs below.
We have received so many wonderful comments and emails to the video, and we loved reading them all. Thank you so much for letting us know how well you liked it.
I have a second surprise for you all now today. After Karen, Cady, and I visited the Hefei SWI that Cady spend her first 16 months, I wrote only a little about it, as it was a very emotional period. I know that I mentioned that, at the time, we weren,t sure if we even were going to share this clip, though I know that I indicated that it would be likely. Well, here it is. I was piecing it all together to go along with the adoption video, and had to trim it down to the 10 minute mark to put on YouTube, as putting it up with my normal host would likely result in another bandwidth surge beyond my allowable limit of 125GB each half month, and could take the site down for the remainder of the month.
Now that I have it done, I am anxious to share. Nothing fancy on this one, as it's just the pure video with some sound tweaks and a little background music. It's a good chance to see the Institution a little, but more to see how our encounter went with Jia Rong, Cady's caregiver for the entire time she was there.
We feel very blessed to have had a chance to visit, as I understand that such visits may be on the decline. It was a beautiful place, and, with only a few exceptions (mostly minor safety things) this place would fit well even in the United States for cleanliness and care.
Thanks as always for watching.
It will take a bit to load, weighing in at about 55MB in size, so you may want to start it and then wait a little bit before watching. Links in various parts of the page, including clicking on the image above or even right here.
Enjoy.
I used the Comic Life software to create a little mini story about the trip to China for Cady. We're going to print it out and try to get it laminated so that Cady will have something with pictures that she can play with. She loves when I am at the computer because she loves looking at all the pictures. She always points at the pictures of her, then points at herself. Now it's a little impressive, except that almost all of the pictures are of Cady, so it's pretty easy for her to get it right.
So the timeline was just a tad skewed to make it all run properly, but if you weren't reading daily, then you might not even know.
And so for your reading pleasure..
We saw that Sophie met the Easter Bunny..
And we saw that Tenley met the Easter Bunny...
But we had a special treat for Easter. We had a Frank the Easter Bunny...
It was so wonderful to have Frank sharing this Easter with us. I absolutely do not think it would have been the same without him. I wish I had gotten a picture with him and Cady together.
It was a weekend filled with so many learning experiences for Cady. It was so nice to bring Cady to visit this part of such a huge family that this little girl has, and she got along so well. We had no issues at all for the entire trip, and Cady is still behaving as if she has always been with us. We thought a lot about the rest of her family in Washington, South Dakota, and Texas, and wished that we could be with them as well, but it will all happen in time.
Cady has either a love for mimicry, or a real knack for playing with instruments, and she enjoys making sounds. We're considering an inexpensive keyboard purchase now, though if she ends up in another direction, we'll go there instead.
Words fail me (surprised, right?) in trying to express how nice it was to spend this weekend with Marc, Danielle, Nicole, Matt, Frank, Gramma Roberta, Daniel, and Char. We knew that they not only supported us, but were truly excited to have Cady in this family, and it was great to actually experience the real feelings of family on such a special weekend. I want to offer a special thanks to Nicole and Matt for being so good to your new cousin. I'm unable to count the number of times that I witnessed you both stopping in the middle of what you were doing to not only share it all with Cady, but to embrace her into this family with a full unconditional love.
The learning was not just for Cady either. Mommy and Daddy had a chance to share ideas with the family as well. Marc and Danielle have raised some wholly brilliant kids, and though they may not know it (well, they will when they read this I guess), they will be a model for that which we hope to give to our daughter. I wish that we had gotten some pictures with Cady playing with Danielle, and especially with her brother Dan, but there will be many more visits, and many more photo opportunities.
Thank you all for a beautiful weekend.
Easter pictures can be found from the link here and at the top.
So here we are again, back from China for 2 whole weeks now. We received a packet from our agency shortly after arriving home with a lot of information on what we have to do next (still quite a bit of paperwork) and some information on PADS(Post Adoption Depression Syndrome). It's not uncommon for parents to feel this depression after bringing their child home. Sadness, regret, doubts about yourself and your partner's ability to handle this task ahead. Adoption, particularly interracial adoption for our case, doesn't just end when all of the paperwork is completed. No no no.. It's a lifelong path. I'll talk more about that down the page. Excepting only one bad day, in which Karen, Cady, and I were all sick, needy, cranky, tired, and hurting, we have not experienced any of the symptoms of PADS. It's certainly possible that we may encounter symptoms further down the road, or not at all. We may be ok. We'll watch for it, and if we see it, we know what we can blame it on.
It hasn't all been a picnic. I've tried hard to present an even view of what we have encountered with having Cady in our family. She cries, pouts, throws small tantrums (though no big explosions yet) and all in all behaves like a child who is almost 2 years old. She hasn't yet experienced any night terrors (also not uncommon), we have gotten a clean bill of health from the doctor (so far, with only a couple of test results to come in), and she eats, drinks, poops, and sleeps. She likes to talk, though we're helping her build up her words now. She knows most everything we say, and can even follow instructions well. The other day, Karen told her to get her shoes and bring them to Daddy so we could go bye bye. She did it all right in order, bringing the shoes to me, not to the person that gave her the instruction, then proceeded without further prompting to head back to the garage. It's wonderful how well she understands everything. We have even taught her some sign language, though our doctor did inform us that while it's excellent to teach her this, it does slow down her vocal communications a little. So far Cady will actually tell us when she wants water, milk, or to eat all with sign. She does the hand motions for "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and seems to learn faster than we can teach. She knows who Mommy and Daddy are, and though it's only a perception, we feel that she does return our love.
So that's her development..
So how have Mommy and Daddy developed? We're doing well. I'm often oversensitive to watching my daughter. Are we spending too much time with her? Too little? Should we be trying to teach her this? Are we doing too much for her? Most parents know the routine, but this is my first chance to be a real daddy, and I really would like to do a good job. I try to study with much of my spare time the things we need to be prepared for in Cady's life. Of the things that we could encounter are:
Racism: Not just from white people, but from people of other races, even Chinese. A Chinese girl raised by white parents will see issues with this, and Karen and I will need to be prepared to learn these things rapidly as we encounter them. We need to understand that as people who were born and raised in a predominately white country, and though we consider ourselves very aware of racism, we need to be prepared to recognize it, handle it properly, and then support our daughter and help her with understanding and comforting her when this hurts. I'm not certain that we can ever be properly equipped to be ready for each situation as it happens, and hope that we can have a plan prepared out to ensure that we will always be there to help her with it.
Culture: We need to help and support Cady by ensuring that she knows her culture, not only her Chinese culture, but also the culture that surrounds her as a Chinese child raised by white parents. Originally I had so much planned for ensuring that she could learn Mandarin, that she would know the history of China at a national and local level for her birthplace, and that we would have her involved in each and every opportunity to experience this through local Chinese organizations. We would give her so much information that she could never feel bad, right? Well, after a little more study, it became apparent that doing this could cause her to feel isolated in an opposite direction, teaching her that even though she lives with us, she is still Chinese, and could be thought of as a way of saying that she didn't belong with us.
We need a balance. I see lots of information all over about this, and it always seems to indicate that it can only be one way or another. Either the child is accepted by Chinese people as if she were born and raised by a Chinese family, or that she will be raised as a white child with no hint of her culture. I see the third option, which is what she is. She is a child born in China, and who was adopted by a white family in the United States. I really don't think it will only be about finding a balance between being Chinese and American, but there is a huge community of children adopted from China who will all be experiencing similar issues, and with that, I think we can really find a basis to help Cady understand who she is, and to help Mommy and Daddy grow with her.
Could be, might be, possibly, maybe. We're learning, changing, and growing, and there is no end in sight. It's a thrilling ride, and of all the uncertainties, there are things I am very certain of. We'll never stop trying, we will always have our minds open to learn, and we're ready for this.
New pictures added as well at the top, under the "2 weeks home" link, and now that I have purchased an external hard drive, more video coming soon.
We went to the pediatrician today for Cady's first check up. Our pediatrician does not think Cady has/had rickets. With rickets several things appear to be present: The child is usually underweight, has signs of bowed legs, and the teeth cut through later than normal-sometimes almost all at once after the adoption. She said that with Cady's weight- 50-60% on an international chart, and with her legs not being bowed at all, and with the formation of the rest of her body (without clothing) at 17 months, along with all the teeth she already has, she will be surprised if Cady has/had a vitamin D deficiency. I'm now thinking (wondering) if it really is a Chinese child thing. Results from all the tests will come in a few days.
Our poor baby had 5 shots today- two in each leg and one in the arm, and also got her blood drawn from her left arm for several blood tests. We are to turn in stool samples next week, (3 different sets of stools taken at least 24 hours apart), for more testing on deficiencies and/or parasites. At first the pediatrician didn't even think the blood sample was necessary simply because Cady looks so healthy, but she said that it's best we do, so that we can be sure of everything. We also redid all the imunizations and will follow up every 4 weeks three more times. She said it will not harm the child to redo the immunizations.
-Side note- The cautions we hear so often about immunizations possibly causing or relating to autism, according to our pediatrician is outdated information for imunizations given in the US. It used to be accurate because of mercury in the immunization shots, but they no longer use mercury for any of the shots given by US doctors, so if you are still waiting for your adoptive child, you are safe in re-immunizing your child in the US.
Our poor baby was a trooper. She only cried when she had to lay down while the nurse did things because the nurse wore a smock. The same fearful crying came when the phlebotomist held her arm down. Cady fought with all her might to get away from her. She's a very good phlebotomist though, she's the same one that drew my blood before we sent our documents to China, almost a year ago, and no-one else knows how to get my blood. Cady finally caved in after 3 or more minutes of struggling, and she just looked so defeated.
The only thing we couldn't do was the urine sample because the nurse gave her an external catheter (a catheter bag without the tube that was stickied to her outer vagina). It didn't work so well, when she finally peed, it went outside of the bag.
We gave her a warm bath soon after, and again she held her purple ball close to her cheek for a long while- the same ball that she held during and after her bath on Gotcha Day.
I can't help but think that these children are treated abruptly during doctor visits in the SWIs. I can understand (sort of) why. But damn, it makes for a really heart wrenching time for us parents. The good news, is that this probably will be the ONLY blood sample we need for a battery of tests (too many to list), for parasites, deficiencies, and general health and blood cell count. And I can say with certainty that Cady knows her space boundaries. She absolutely knows when someone is in her space uninvited. If you are unwelcome in her space, she won't put up with it. She allows you to be there. I admire that strength in her and am happy that she is that confident with her self and environment. This might have been a result of feeling that her space was violated by the doctors who probed her at the orphanage, so for that outcome from her possible negative experiences, I'm glad.
And now, some pictures of Mommy and Cady in China. Here I had a good hair day (My ONLY good hair day in China), and these pictures didn't make into the China folders...So here they are.
Mommy stole some shugah...but Cady didn't mind.
This is more fun than a barrel full of monkeys....unless the monkeys do tricks.
Cady loves the song, "If all the Raindrops Were Lemon Drops and Gum Drops..."
(Thanks to Anne Marie's Mommy for sharing the song, as it's now one of her favorites)
One of the requirements that Half the Sky has of the orphanages that they work with is that a journal is kept for each of the children under their sponsorship. I do not know how many children are cared for this way, but we did get this journal on the day that we visited. It's our second most treasured possession from the SWI, and we have scanned it into the computer.
I've been most hesitant about sharing it because not everyone who adopts from China gets one of these. From my understanding, very few people do. We have not had it interpreted yet, but are planning to do so soon. It does appear to be a little out of order, as there is a point when the dates seem to jump back to her first year. Anyhow, here is the journal.
Adjusting...now that's a bigger word than it sounds. Scott and I have been adjusting to the time difference again in the USA. We have been adjusting to having a toddler in the house. It's exhausting but it is so rewarding. Now, instead of taking an afternoon siesta on an occasional Sunday, we put Cady down for her nap daily and do a clean-sweep across the house, putting her toys away, and picking up the dish towels from the kitchen floor which she continually removes from the drawer, of which she has now claimed ownership. I'm adjusting to having a child under foot while making dinner, I haven't tripped over her yet. The dogs are adjusting to her yelling with glee then making all effort to squeeze their mugs when she sees them. The dogs digestive tracts are adjusting to the continual cheerios, apple chunks, broccoli, bananas, raisins and mashed potatoes that either hit the ground or are lovingly given to the dogs as a gesture of good will. And Cady is adjusting to the fact that she cannot eat the dog food that is constantly available, and at her level.
When I met Cady's nanny, and saw the journal in which she had written, with weekly or monthly pictures for the first 16 months of her life, I knew Cadence wouldn't have too many issues with adjustments or attachment. One of our most treasured items that we got for Cady while in China, was a globe, painted on the inside with our favorite picture of her and her nanny. Currently, this globe sits on the top of her closet, but some day she will have it sitting on her dresser or desk top. She will be able to look into it and be comforted in knowing that JiaRong kept her safe and cared about her while Cady waited for Mommy and Daddy to do all the paperwork.
We were both overwhelmed when we saw the artist's work. He did it overnight. We really have no idea how easily he was able to capture the moment in the picture with so little time to do it in. We thanked him deeply with the little bit of Mandarin that we know, when we saw his work. And he, in return, proud of the accomplishment, and glad that we were pleased. It was as if he knew the importance of this little treasure for our little girl.
As for adjusting, there is only one thing that really breaks Mommy's heart. Bedtime. Before we came home, she would cry with angst at bedtime. She would suck on a sheet or blanket till it was soaking wet, to soothe her nerves. We placed her crib in our bedroom so that we can tend to her quickly, and for bonding purposes. She is fine while in her crib, not knowing anyone is around. Almost too fine. She sometimes stays quiet, and we don't even know she's awake, for several minutes, possibly a half an hour. Then when she sees us or hears us stir, she immediately changes from a baby that is too quiet to a heart wrenching wail. When we go to her in the mornings to get her out of her crib, she clings to us. She sometimes is very groggy, but she NEEDS to be held, and loved, and cuddled, and kissed for a good 15 minutes. Sometimes if one of us gets her up, and puts her on the bed to cuddle with the other parent, she cries immediately, obviously thinking that she is going to be put to bed again. We did figure out that if we sit her on the bed, she is ok with it, but not if we lay her in the bed or put her down to crawl to the front of the bed.
We've been rocking her to sleep at night with a bottle, and assure her that she is loved. She loves the idea of the bottle, but she still complains when we sit down with her in a quiet living room, knowing that she will soon be going to bed. Some of these reactions are purely normal reactions that a 17 month old would have about going to bed, but I can't help but think that bed time was a time of being alone and scared and lonely at the orphanage. It was a time of solitude, not solace. It was a time of isolation, not relaxation. It was a time of despair, not contentment. I can't help but feel gratitude toward her nanny with everything that she did to make Cady feel wanted and loved and happy. And I realize that bedtime is a time of protest for most 17 month olds anyway, but I think she needs more time to adjust to knowing that bedtime is only a way to make tomorrow come a little bit faster. It still breaks my heart to know that she knows that she was so lonely at such a young age.
A couple of things to mention before the thick of the post. I reworked the site a little bit again, by popular demand, back to the butterflies. I just needed to rearrange things a bit so that the top navigation bar doesn't fill up and overlap. To do this I created a pictures link at the top. All of the pictures are still there, but all linked on their own page now. As I add new picture lists, others might get bumped over to the pictures page.
Karen will write sometime, though we're back to where we were before we left for China, and that's separate desks. Karen has hers and I have mine, and since she has a Windows system sitting on her desk (I've tried, I've tried), she can't post as easily as I can.
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So we often hear that those parents of
international adoptees are asked those questions. Why
adopt? Why China? Everyone has their own answers and
their own comfort levels with discussing these
things, as is their right. Karen and I, unlike many
(not all, perhaps not even most) didn't have to adopt
a child. We're both capable of having children as far
as we know, but adoption just felt right to us. There
are lots of things about Cady that we really have no
perfect answers for, and so people who ask have to
settle for that answer. It just felt right. For
whatever reason people choose adoption, I think we're
all in it together.
So why China? Why not adopt domestically? I've often
answered that question with the facts that we learned
after making the decision. U.S. law dictates that for
a very long time (I can't remember exactly how long),
the child's birth parents can change their mind about
giving up their child and take her/him back. This is
great for those parents, but does not consider the
new parents who have now fallen in love with their
child. It was always an easy answer at that time,
until I read something interesting written by an
adoptee from Korea with her own blog called Twice the Rice. I'm so thankful
to have found this site, as it provides me with
invaluable insight of my situation with my little
girl. I learned so much from reading it, some
things I had never considered, and some things I
did not want to believe. I do believe now, and I
feel better equipped for my journey with Cady. I
will post a very powerful statement that she had
written about this issue now. Note that I am doing
this without her direct consent, so if she does
object, I may have to re-write this.
"Who
is safe? Why is choosing international vs. domestic
adoption about feeling
safe?
Is that what they tell their adopted children?
We wanted you. We chose you. Because if we had chosen
an American child, we might not have been able to
keep him. But not you. You were safe. Because nobody
would want you back."
Wow. I try to learn new things every day, and this
was quite the thing to learn. What we say to one
person can be translated so differently to others. I
feel so terrible that I took this easy route when
trying to answer that question. Now the absolute
truth (I have no need to lie to anyone about it) to
Cady's story is actually different than the answer I
was using. Karen and I never even considered domestic
adoption. I don't know why, but the subject never
came up. Even when I first mentioned to Karen the
idea, the picture in my head was a little girl from
China. Perhaps this was influenced from something I
had read or saw on television at sometime in my life,
or perhaps it was influenced by something greater,
but the truth is that I didn't even imagine adopting
from anywhere else, domestically or internationally.
We were driving to visit her brother Marc and the
rest of Karen's family on Thanksgiving 2004 and
during that drive, I brought the subject up to Karen,
we discussed it, and by the end of the day, we agreed
that when we got home, we would start researching it
to make a well informed decision.
So why have a child at all? It was Karen that
actually put the idea into my head. I won't discuss
her thoughts on any of it, as that is her story to
write, but I will tell you what brought this into my
own head. It was how often Karen would tell me that I
would make a great Daddy. She thought I was good with
kids, and at one point, she was a little sad in
feeling that we wouldn't have that opportunity for
our own together. This was years before making the
decision. The moment on that drive is etched in my
memory forever. I do know that when the idea was
presented, Cady was exactly 1 month old. I don't
believe in pure fate. I do believe that God, in all
his/her forms, does present us with opportunities
throughout our entire lives. Opportunities to be good
or bad, opportunities to accept or decline,
opportunities to succeed or to fail at. I think that
this was God's way of saying "Hey Scott, I have this
little girl here who needs a family. Do you think
you're up for it?"
Well yes, God, I sure do.
When I was asked during one of our interviews at our
adoption agency why we wanted a child from China, I
answered truthfully. From this point on, I will not
look for the easy answer for this question. Whenever
anyone asks Karen or I why we adopted, and why we
chose China, they will now have the real answer.
Because that's where our daughter was.
Now for those of you more visually inclined, here's a
picture of my daughter wrestling a bear.
So we've had a few days. We've laughed, we've cried, we've colored. Time is insane.
At some points, time seems to move like expected. A couple of hours seems like a couple of hours. At other times, I'll look at the clock and wonder what happened to the last 3 hours. I never expected so see such a fluctation in the space/time continuum. Some people talk about having no time once the child is brought home. This isn't entirely true. There is quite a bit of time available, though the catch is that it only comes in 5-10 minute increments. There are quite a few of them, but they are small bursts of availability. This allows me time to write periodically. Karen will write too, but while all of this busy activity causes me to ponder (which allows me to write), it causes Karen's mind to be exhausted. this affects our downtime. During my brief rests, I need to write, and Karen needs to rest her weary brain.
Contrary to how it may appear, Karen and I are doing tasks fairly evenly. A lot of it is time management. Karen's experience is so critical at this stage. Daddy can change diapers, dress baby, feed baby, and entertain baby, but Mommy can do in 3 minutes what it takes Daddy 10. What we're doing at this time is focusing on those things that we do most efficiently, and Karen and I work on the things we are slower at as time permits. Often while Karen is making the dinner, doing the laundry, or working on the new paperwork that we now have to get done, I'm keeping Cady entertained. When I write it, it sure seems as though I have the nice job, but this too can be a challenge. I try very hard to keep Cady mentally stimulated during her play. Not too much mind you, as kids need to be kids too, but this is such a learning period that I don't want to miss out on any opportunities.
Cady and I have lots of fun, as seen below, with the camera on the computer. She loves looking at the pictures, and loves the twisted effects that the software allows.
Cady has developed a few favorite toys, one being her new walker/car thing with the farmer theme. I don't have pictures, but I'm sure it will be seen often enough in photos and video in the future. She likes her talking Pooh Bear, and then there is the oddity.
This was something that I received as a bonus for a game expansion (Ultima Online) many years ago, and it just sat on a shelf for a long time. Until the little girl saw it while on a house tour. If it is a reasonable request, my baby gets what she wants, and she wanted this. She has no idea what it is, and has no concept of what a monster is, so to her it's just shiny and bendable, and she likes it. That's good enough for me.
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The thing that troubles me the most through all of
this is that I watch the calendar, and I see the days
move by, and I know that the time is coming when I
have to go back to work. Karen will be able to stay
off of work for about a month later than me, but I
feel so terrible about this. We brought this little
girl out of a Social Welfare Institute (SWI) and soon
enough we'll be putting her into child care. The
differences between the two to me is both great and
small. The SWI that Cady came from was very clean,
very bright, and very colorful, and very fulfilling.
Yes, I will always feel that we have done well by
bringing Cady home with us, and I will never worry
that she is in a far better place now than she would
have been growing up there, but we are taking her
from one institution, and now looking at bringing her
into another one.
It sucks, and it feels unfair to everyone in our
family.
I make good money at what I do, but Karen is the real
bread winner in this family. I only wish there was
some way that I could stay at home with my daughter
forever. The area in which we live is supposed to
have very good public schools (we could never afford
private) but Cady is so smart that I don't think she
could ever reach her potential in a public school. I
have every confidence that I could home school her
and teach her so much more than she can learn in a
public school. Sadly our income only barely exceeds
our expenses, and much of this is expenses that
cannot be cut at all (debts).
It causes me duress to no end. I wanted this child so
that I could shape a mind. So I could share with her
all the love that Karen and I have to give, and all
the knowledge that we have to impart to her. I know
there is much we can still do in our situation, but I
don't know if I can ever convince myself that I will
be doing everything that can be done.
...and thus ends another breakdown. Thanks for
listening.
I mention this shop for one reason. Stella.
At virtually any of the shops in Guangzhou, you can barter the price down. Sometimes they even start the bargaining for you with "Normally it costs this much, but I will let you have it for this much, just for you". As I mentioned, if you look at the differences in special pricing from one thing to the next, and take the most expensive "special price" and compare it to the least expensive, we're talking about 50 cents in U.S. dollars. It's not really that much. I have no idea if the prices in this shop were more or less than I could get at others because once we met Stella (standing in at about 4'3"), we were hooked. Every person in every shop will ask about your children, and they will really be interested. They love the kids, or at least put on a convincing show. Stella was either the very best at this, or was truly interested in the kids, or at least Cady.
There was a time when we were waiting for our bus outside the Bank of China, and she was heading to work. She took the time to stop to say hello to both us and the kids, and even trusted Macy with her cell phone/music player. She trusted Macy far more than anyone else did, as a 16 month old child is as likely to throw something as she is to dance to it, but there was no concern on this woman's face as Macy walked away with the phone to her ear.
Stella asked a lot of questions, and really seemed to want to understand everything we were doing. It never really felt as if she was only trying to generate more sales for the shop. We just started visiting her shop to get what we wanted. Just like we do in the states, I will pay more for good service, and friendly people. At the end of our trip, we spent some time just talking with Stella, and she never even tried to sell us other things. She just listened and talked with us. She insisted on our way out that she could take a picture with us, and so we stood back to let her pose with Cady. "No no" she said, "With all of you together."
We gave her our email addresses, and she later emailed the picture to us as well as offering us good wishes. Stella is a friend.
If you're still Guangzhou bound, feel free to print out this picture in advance, go to the shop, and ask for Stella. Show her the picture, I am sure she will remember, and I am also sure she will then give you a good price on the things in the store, "just for you".
Within a few days of arriving back home, I even succumbed to pressure to bring her in to work to visit. There is a great concern about introducing the children to lots of strangers, as they can become confused about who their parents are. I saw no confusion with Cady at all. Each time she went near another adult, she would look to me for approval. Each time someone held her (she chose who could and couldn't) she would first look to me to see if it would be ok, and then when she was put back down, she would first come back to Daddy, then wander around a little more, always staying close. With the large number of adults this child was exposed to, the confusion of kids everywhere, lots and lots of noise around, it seemed a good match to the sales floor at Apple.
So there you have it. Pictures here.
On the developmental front, I'm struggling a lot with this one. I keep trying to find some comparison to where Cady should fit. The tough thing is looking at boxes for toys and such, looking at the age group, then seeing how well she works with that item. I don't think this process is going to work right. I think she is very bright, and she seems to have a grasp for some things beyond her age range. Then at other times, she struggles with toys for children much younger. We got her a pull toy dog that makes yipping sounds as it rolls. Cady just picks it up and carries it wherever she wants it to be, then gets bored with it because it doesn't really do anything. Now I have tried to think of what this means.
Could it mean that she is too logical for the toy? Why take so much time dragging this thing behind, when it's much faster to just pick it up and go where we want to go.
Could it mean that she doesn't grasp the concept of this kind of activity? It's possible that in her orphanage setting, they didn't have toys like this. Add to that, Cady may have never seen a child with a pull toy. Mommy and Daddy try to demonstrate these things, but let's face it, she knows we are not children. She knows we are different, and, hopefully, she knows already that we are Mommy and Daddy, and what that all means.
Could it mean that we have effectively overstimulated her by giving her too many toys at the start. I think I read somewhere that this could be an issue, and could encourage a lot attention span on the child, as they have so many other things they want to experience too.
Could it just mean that she is only 17 months old, and seeing a toy for the first time rather than at the minimum age recommended for this toy. She needs more than 15 minutes before her over-reactive Dad starts reading too much into it, and begins searching the internet for learning disabilities.
I mention these things as a lighthearted example specifically as how these children can be very much like those raised here, yet different in many ways. As it stands, what I think I will be trying more is simply ignoring those age recommendations, and if Cady seems to like it, we'll get it for her, though that ridable motorized Barbie Cadillac may not make it home unless Daddy qualifies for a low interest motorized car loan.
As always, it's wonderful to share with you all, and we appreciate having you around to keep reading.
Thank you.
Now, I would have gotten around to this soon enough, but Sophie's painting did remind me about it so off we went to get some supplies for Cady. We bought paints for her, though even I think it might be just a bit early for painting (Cady's A-yi Kris might be trying soon enough though).
No, we decided to start out with crayons.
So Daddy turned on some Bach (Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G/Allegro) and off we went. The first few minutes were spent exploring the crayons themselves, as I am certain that she had never seen those things. Once she got the hang of that, she studied the colors a little, and with a little assistance, she started figuring out what to do. As the real first drawing consisted of a lot of Mommy and Daddy's help, we put that aside and gave her a fresh piece of paper once she was running full speed.
The end result? Well you can see for yourself.
Daddy wasn't expecting trees, flowers, or rainbows yet, but I had hoped to see her studying the colors more on paper. she may be more musically inclined as some of that on the paper was because she was tapping the crayons to the music.
Or maybe I am just trying to elevate her too fast.
Either way, if she hadn't enjoyed it, I wouldn't have pushed her to keep going. She had fun, and even knew when a page was done and needed a new one.
(update: adding video in)
4 minutes, 03 seconds
I'll write again soon.
It was harder to find music I liked for this one, but I think in the end I was able to get it right.
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