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As many of our readers already know, I have a 25 year old son, by birth. On the day we held Cadence for the first time, I felt the same connection as if I had given birth to her. The following article is written by a woman who recently adopted internationally, and she sums up all the stages of the process of adoption, for me anyway, quite nicely.

By Andrea Kidd
The journey of adoption is one of the most rewarding experiences. The process will take a person through myriad emotions filled with love, joy, tears, fear, and hope, as well as more personal growth than could ever be imagined.
Adoptive parents, who also gave birth biologically, will describe how exceptionally similar the two experiences are. For every stage of adoption, there is a complementary stage of pregnancy and childbirth.
Stages to a family
Conception
We know what is involved with natural conception and the process of a fetus growing in a mother’s womb. In adoption, the “genes” of your child are constructed as parents make the following decisions:
• Domestic or international adoption. • What specific country or race your child will be when international adoption is chosen. • Choosing an agency to work through. • Deciding on the sex, age range, and health status of the expected child.
Growth
The next step in adoption is what is called your “paper baby.” This paper baby is formally called a dossier and is pulled together over many months of paperwork. This dossier represents you and your family’s history, as well as approval from a social worker who has met with your family several times. Essentially, your pre-natal doctor appointments have taken place and it is time for your baby to grow and develop in your heart!
Waiting
Just as in biological pregnancies, this wait is fairly predictable, yet very emotional. Any unexpected things, like pre-term labor or an overdue baby, may pop up at any given time. Families may find themselves rushing to pick up their child far earlier than they had planned, or families may feel like they are giving birth to an elephant as they have waited far more than nine months.
Sonogram
For most international adoptions, there is a stage where you receive a referral. The referral is when the agency matches you with a child. In a domestic adoption, this would be when the birth mother chooses your family. When a referral is given, the family receives the most exciting news of who their child is and what he or she looks like. Typically, a picture, medical reports, and history reports are presented at this time. You have seen your child and are in the final stretch. The labor pains have begun!
Labor
Adoption labor is quite frankly the longest labor in any delivery. Parents must get through court, travel, and sometimes wait weeks before actually "delivering" their babies. This stage, just as in biological labor, is very necessary as well as the most difficult part to get through. Those last moments before meeting and holding your child are at times unbearable, yet prove to be worth every tear and pain.
Delivery
The most amazing day has finally arrived! You will finally see your child for the first time and wrap your arms around this precious being. This experience is equivalent to a doctor placing the baby on your chest after delivery. You see that child and it all makes sense. The joy and gratitude flow, as well as the tears. A child has become a son or daughter, a woman becomes a mommy, a man becomes a daddy, and a family is created—beautifully.
 

Andrea Kidd is an Adoptive Mom                                                        She is also an Associate in the America World Adoption Association

A little late, but not because we weren’t thinking about her. There’s not a day that goes by, in which I do not think about her, wonder about her, feel a connection to her. It’s as if we have an invisible sister living with us already. It’s going to be a room full of love when Cadence and Melody finally meet......someday these sisters will be united, but for now, we wait for Melody.

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Today marks the 26th month since our paperwork has been logged in with China. We expect it to be at least another 24 more months.
Ah well...more time to save money till the big event, and more time for our love for her to grow in our hearts.
And we’ll be posting about it again in two more months.
We are now officially counting the days to remind ourselves about month number 28.

Tonight is one of those difficult nights.
After everyone else had gone to bed. I sat for a while in the quiet of the living room. I started thinking about my children, and felt so blessed that they love me, and that they’re safe. I realized it’s very feasible that Melody is already alive. My heart was heavy with the possibilities that she needs me.
I sat there and realized how fortunate we were with Cady. She was healthy, she was loved, she was taken care of before us. She smiles so brightly. All that we could possibly want for her, with the circumstances as they were, her needs were met, both physically and emotionally.
I sat here tonight with similar worries to the burdon I had for Cady before we became a family. I haven’t felt so connected in a worrisome, motherly way since we were waiting for Cady. At that time, I wavered between feeling good that we had chosen to adopt a child whom we knew was older than the normal toddler, but worried more so, knowing that she could have been harmed in that time without us. The same feelings welled in me tonight, but about Melody. Once again, we’ve asked for an older toddler. And even though it hurt, knowing Cady was without us for all those months, we felt a need to ask again for the same age range (12-26 months old). It was all paperwork and stamps and money and more research for a short while. It didn’t hurt till tonight. Knowing that she might already be born, and alone.
Are we really going to be just as fortunate again? COULD WE? Is she safe? Is someone watching after her, caring about her NOW? Can I love her as much as I do Cady? Will it all just click together, as if it was supposed to be from the beginning?
So, tonight, I prayed. I prayed for my adult son. His happiness. His needs.
I prayed for my daughter whom I already know. That she stays safe. That she stays happy.
I prayed for my daughter whom I have not met yet. That she is able to bond with someone who will care about her, and love her enough to give her happiness.
I feel equally connected to all three, but know that each has a different path for me in their lives.
Tonight was the first night that I really felt the need to comfort my baby. It felt good. It felt good because it made me realize that I can love her as deeply as I do my other children. But it also felt sad, and lonely, because it was the first time that I really thought about being here with Cady, cuddled in, reading her a book, feeling happy....yet knowing that her sister is most likely out there, without us. And this is all I could do.
If nothing else, these thoughts and prayers bring me closer to the power of believing.

CCAA has updated their information to announce that they’ve finished reviewing applications received by April 30, 2007.

YIPPEE!

So, what does this mean?
What this means is that they don’t have any questions for our family about requirements to adopt another child from China. It means that we sent everything in correctly.
Initially, CCAA simply stamped the paperwork to indicate the pieces were all there and translated. Upon review, they actually “review” all the papers to ensure they were all sent in, and correctly notarized, and approved for adoption.
It’s actually a huge step in the adoption process.
When we adopted Cadence, passing the Review Room was around one half the wait time. Of course then the total wait was only 10 months, but we had passed Review Room by the 5th month of waiting. If that’s any indication for us now, and IF things speed up as all indications are pointing, it means that we’ve endured 1/2 the wait, or more for Melody.
There were huge declines in applications after April 2007 because of the new requirements set out by China. So, in theory, (hopefully) this also means that CCAA workers can now shift more time toward matching, at least that’s my take on it.
And the last thing it means, is this is the last hurdle for our waiting. Sure, there’s more waiting. We’ve waited 2 years, and might have to wait 2 more. But no more hurdles, except of course for the idiotic ones here in the US, which force us to possibly reapply thru our own governmental paper-pushers after the current applications are so old that they’ve expired.

But.....for now.....I think I’ll just bask in the glory of knowing that China thinks we’re A-OK.

YIPPEE!!!!

Well, as of yesterday, we’ve been waiting to hear back from China’s matching team (CCAA) for 24 months now. That’s 2 years. Or 730 days. Or another way to calculate it is by way of this equation:
(way too long) X (anticipation) + OlderSisterWhoTalksAboutYoungerSisterOnADailyBasis = DesireToSpeedUp

22 months down.....Who knows how many more to go?!?
Slowly but surely, we’re coming, Melody.

Two more months have passed since the last time I tallied.
Will we have Melody home by next Christmas? Probably not.
But it looks hopeful for the Christmas following that.
In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my magical times with my other baby-girl.
I love watching her mind work. And when you mix the glitter of Christmas with conversation, it makes for some talks that are beyond adorable.

Merry Christmas, readers.

Melody......We love you.
A difficult concept to understand, because we don’t know if she’s born yet, and we don’t know anything about her, except that she is spiritually walking the same path as us. As we inch closer, and day by day, month by month, the path becomes shorter and stronger.

Tomorrow marks 18 months since all of our documents were logged in with China. And we thought it was a long wait with Cady! For Cady, it took 10 months from login date till referral date. I suppose time has flown by fairly quickly. Part of that is because we knew time would be much longer to wait for Melody, so we’ve settled in and have kept busy with our older daughter.
At times, though, it’s been very hard on all three of us, knowing that somewhere in China, our daughter will be born and go thru undoubtably traumatic experiences, and want and need.
While we wait.
But she will be strong. She will be protected by Angels. She will be loved. This I know, because God has sent us on this journey to her, and it is thru His strength, His Angels, His Love that she will be protected.

So as most regular readers already know, we've agreed on the name Melody for the next little girl to come in and brighten our family. This name seems to just fit so completely well, balancing our naming scheme to a Cadence and a Melody. It just fits, right? It's a lovely name, and will tie in well with our surname as well as a multitude of middle names we are likely to choose when we have baby girl number 2 in our arms.

It's all perfect, right?

Cady definitely has taken well to the name, and it took very little time to get her used to it, including only a little bit of work in getting the "L" pronounced just right. Not a day goes by without Cady making a picture, writing a letter, or at least mentioning something about going to get Melody, or how she will take care of her sister and share things, and so on.

It's a beautiful sentiment, and I am confident that Melody will be truly loved by her big sister when she arrives. We worry about the time frame a little, and that poor Cady just doesn't grasp the amount of time we will be waiting until that magical day we can all have Melody in our home. She's resilient though, and we always let her know that it will still be some time until we get to go to China for her sister.

No, what troubles me more, is that, no matter how hard we let Cady know that her sister will be Chinese like she is, Cady just might have a different viewpoint on what her sister will be like.

From a recent conversation:

Cady: We have to go to Eiffel Tower to get Melody's ticket so we can go to China to get her!
(Now, I know exactly what she's talking about, having watched Little Einsteins with Cady for many many hours)
Daddy: Cady, you do know that Melody from Little Einsteins was a music pet, and not a sister, right?
Cady: My sister Melody will be purple
Daddy: No, Honey. Your little sister Melody will be a little girl, just like you.
Cady: No! My sister Melody will be purple!

So Cady is very smart, and has on many occasions teased me by making me think that her version of reality differs from my own. These situations usually reveal themselves when she can no longer hold her story straight, and she makes that mischievous grin, revealing that she really did know reality, but just wanted to take me on a trip of the alternate possibilities.

So in this case, I wonder if she is just occasionally having her fun with me, or if she really thinks her new little sister will be..

Click either picture or this link for full animated goodness


......A music pet.

Update: I was curious after this posting how Cady would run this same conversation a second time. She did not disappoint.

Cady and I had a fabulous day today. We decided the night before that we were going to the park. So, off we headed. Cool looking Dora sunglasses in one hand, a bottle of her best chocolate milk in the other. My two hands were filled with everything else. But off we went, ready to take on and conquer the park!
We started in the sand. SHOES .....OFF! SOCKS......OFF! Now, squish the toes in the sand the way God intended it to be! Now, run around and fall on purpose, then toss the sand in the air freely. Because if God did not intend for sand to be sprinkled around, He wouldn't have made so much of it.
Then to run toward the pond as fast as we can. Oh the joys of seeing mossy laden waters and 4 ducks. They liked all 4 courses we had to offer, bread from Cady's sandwich, a few doritos crunched up, pieces of Mommy's sushi California rolls....and of course, gold fish food, intended for the brown fish that hung out below the mosses. We saw you, li'l fellas! You too seemed strangely infatuated with the sushi.
But NOW, it's off to the daring swings. The little girl swings you say? With the straps and diaper shaped rubber encasing? Ohhh......No No No.. These were the BIG GIRL SWINGS! While she hoped no one heard her saying, "Mommy, help me get up here. Please" she kicked her feet forward and backwards at the moment I told her to. I swung next to her, and for a few moments we were two elementary school girls....me a bit older, she a bit younger, both normally feeling a long way away from that time in our lives, but never before feeling much closer to the wind in our hair, or the memories I've had that she is just barely out of grasp from experiencing. We've each never felt that close to that time in our lives, yet so far away from it.
But she was a big girl now. Swinging in the big girl swing. I moved behind her, and continued to push her as she laughed and told me that her tummy and her back tickled as she was being pushed.
My baby is not a baby any more. But tonight, she let me rock her in the rocking chair, and asked me to hold her like a baby while I sang songs to her. It's like she's swinging on that swing, ready to go faster, but wanting to make sure she doesn't lose ground.....and me too. She keeps me feeling innocent. She keeps me remembering what sand thru the toes felt like when I was a child..... Or air thru the hair feels like when your next goal was at least one more time. She keeps me singing Christmas songs in February, from a rocking chair.

I just couldn't put my finger on it. But there was a reason that I was feeling a bit apprehensive lately.
If you look at our schedule of events below, look at the time frame from LID (Log in Date with China) for Cadence, and the Referral date.
Then look at the LID for Melody.....
As of this week, we've waited the same amount of time for Melody as we had waited for Cady, and by now we had her referral pictures and information.

Cadence
11/26/04 Decision to adopt (Thanksgiving Day '04)
12/03/04 Application filed with agency
01/12/05 Homestudy visits completed
02/26/05 CIS fingerprints
03/15/05 I171-H approval
04/14/05 DTC- Already translated
05/06/05 LID
01/26/06 Referral
03/20/06 Gotcha Day
03/21/06 Adoption Day

Melody
12/12/06 Decision to adopt again
12/18/06 Application filed with agency
12/28/06 Homestudy visit completed (we only needed one this time)
03/03/07 CIS fingerprints
03/05/07 I171-H approval - WOW! only 2 days
03/26/07 DTC- Already translated
04/15/07 LID

It's really strange how the mind works. It seemed so long a wait for Cady, mainly because we expected her so much sooner than we got her referral. We're very much prepared with Melody. But for some reason, lately, it's felt strange. I hadn't even realized this until I started analyzing the dates, but I was starting to feel as if something should have happened by now. Of course, we know time will come as it does, and life will happen as it does, and when we are ready for life to stand still for just a moment again, it will. We also know that somehow it's just not that time yet. Cady has been saying some strange things since September about Melody being born already. I find that a bit odd since we don't expect to receive a child older than two. But then, it's possible that she understands that Melody has been conceived already, which would make perfect sense since children her age do not really know the difference between life inside or outside the womb. If she was conceived in September, that would make her a June 08 baby, and then, with the longer times its now taking to get a referral (expected to be closer to 3 years than the 9 months we waited to get Cady's referral, Melody's referral would be around March-June 2010, making her about 18-24 months old upon referral, and making Cady's prediction on target that she's alive (if even in the womb), now, and waiting for us in China.
It's very odd but I do think that Cady has a very strong link up to her baby sister, even though she probably is not born yet.

I really thought I could handle the long wait for Melody. I had a really difficult time waiting for Cadence after the first 6 months, because we were, for all practical purposes, supposed to get her after a 6 month wait for her, after we were DTC (Documents to China). I attributed that to the fact that, indeed, the wait was longer than expected by another 4 months, and it dragged on after the 6th month because of that. This was unexpected.
Waiting for Melody was not unexpected. We actually expected at the beginning, to wait around 24 months after DTC for her. We were told by our agency to expect it. Currently, we've been waiting for 5 months now, for Melody. It seems like forever already. I was prepared for the long wait, but today, for the first time, I felt like I missed her. The same way I felt about Cady after 6 months.
I'd like to think that there's a mystical answer for that. I'd like to think that I miss her because she's already born and there's an unexplainable pull toward her because of that. I don't think she's born yet though. I think it's just me missing a baby sister for Cadence.
We talk about Melody to Cady a lot. That might, or might not be healthy for her. It's obviously very good for her to be a part of the experience toward her baby sister, but did we start too soon? What does she think about having a baby sister that really does not exist yet, and will not exist for so long a time? How can she process that? When someone asks her, she says that Melody is in China, and isn't born yet, and we are going to China to get her. Then she talks about how she's going to surprise melody and hug her and bring her a blankie when we go to China. She thinks that the same nanny that cared for her is also caring for her baby sister. She says already loves her. Is that possible?
I miss the whole baby sister thing that we haven't even experienced yet. I wonder if Cady does too? But then I wonder how she can miss something that she hasn't experienced yet? By the time we get Melody, Cady will be (in her own mind) her bigger sister for at least two years already.

Scott picked up Cadence from pre-school today, and was confronted by one of the teachers who quickly asked, "Who's Melody??" A few other teachers gathered around to hear his answer.
Apparently, while the teacher read a book today, it involved airplanes. And Cadence announced that we're going on an airplane to get Melody.
I wonder when she's going to be able to understand how long two years really is.
Her saving grace is that she lives in the moment, and would just as soon take a bubble bath as go to China these days. But she really likes the idea of a baby sister.

For friends and family unfamiliar with the terms for adopting from China, DTC stands for Documents to China - the date that all the documents are sent to China from the agency. LID stands for Log In Date - that's the date that CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) has logged in all the documents to their office and the official wait begins. Currently, the wait time is expected to be 20-24 months from LID till the date that we receive a referral. It's a long wait, but life is so much easier waiting for Melody while we have Cadence keeping us busy.

We were DTC for Melody on March 28th. I was beginning to think that we wouldn't find out our LID till June or July because I'd called our agency just the other day and the China co-ordinator at our adoption agency said that they haven't even found out the LIDs for their January clients yet. That's not to say that they wouldn't have one already, just that the agency co-ordinator didn't have access to knowing the LIDs yet.

Well, that was just last Friday. Ask and ye shall receive!

We got a call today that we have a LID of April 14th for Melody. I didn't think that would really make much difference to me, except for the fact that I would actually KNOW that we have one....But, OMG we have a LID!!! I wanted to cry when I found out that we have a LID for Melody. A date. A date that makes this piece of our lives different than any other date. A time frame to track. It became more personal...more real, knowing the LID for Melody.