It appears we have a happy medium with bonding at this time. She goes to either of us when she needs something, or wants to hand the adult a toy. She gives daddy kisses and mommy kisses at various times. She rallies for Scott's attention and if she can't get it at that time, she comes to mommy, and vise versa. I'm so pleased that she now sees both of us as her caregivers, her parents. The positive thing about being adopted from an orphanage, is that their regression is strong but fast. We are so wonderfully proud of her intellectual behavior as well..Now for some bragging. Since day one, we have said to her "good girl" when she does something we want her to do. Yesterday, she was getting into her stroller and after we got her in there, she said "goo ger" We were unsure but happy, assuming that she said "Good girl" to herself for doing what we wanted her to do. Then last night, it became obvious that she was, indeed calling herself a good girl. Scott was walking with her and handed her the cheerios bowl. And plain as day, she said, "Daddy, goo ger" pointed to him, and smiled. Today, I gave her a bottle of apple juice which she loves then handed her to Scott. As I'm typing this, with Scott feedling her a bottle on the bed, she pointed to me and said, "Goo ger".

I also would like to post a bit about our visit to the orphanage. I was so pleased to see how clean the orphanage is and truly loving the nannies are. Cady's nanny has been with her since she was 4 days old and brought to the orphanage. Oddly, her nanny's name is JiaRong, and Cady's Chinese name is QingRong.

We have a lot of video of her nanny (above) with Cady.


I think more goes on in that matching process than what anyone really knows, including the person that makes the decision. My biggest thing that I prayed for during our wait time was that Cady would be loved before us. I desired strongly to have a good picture of her and her nanny together, so that I could tell her she was loved without hesitation. What we received from the orphanage was incredible. When we went to the SWI, nannies came running out to greet Qing Rong....When we got to her floor of the SWI, my heart was heavy suddenly...and out stepped her nanny. She ran to Qing Rong, and kneeled down by her stroller. A HUGE tear came out of her nanny's eye and onto Cady's shirt. After she picked up Cady, and hugged her, she put her through the window of the play room, and then I hugged her nanny...She fell apart and wept in my arms, but she was happy that Cady was going to a good home, probably as happy as I was that Cady had been loved for almost 17 months. the things that are done in Cady's world, are done with her permission and her asking. We are sure that her nanny treated her as if she were her own child, allowing her to eat when she was hungry, not just shove food in her mouth for her. Cady has specific wants and dislikes, and she is very much in control of her world. She has also been read to often. When she saw a book that I brought with us, her eyes lit up and she immediately started turning pages and reading (babbling) right to left (as Chinese books are written) . We spent some time with her nanny, and recorded her telling Cady what she wishes for her future. We had asked her to do so. When we left the SWI, we were presented with a journal that her own nanny had updated monthly, sometimes weekly, with a picture to accommodate each update from the time she was found at 4 days old, till 3 days before we got our Cady. She also included hand prints and foot prints in red, every 3 months on some of the pages. The last page of the journal has a picture drawn in colored pencils, with trees, a Chinese bridge in the middle of the picture, and a house to the side of the picture. Below, there is a written paragraph...perhaps a poem, or just wishes for our Cady's life. She signed and dated it.
This is so much more than what I prayed for, so long. My biggest prayers were that she is safe, and feels loved while in the orphanage. She was obviously both. I got to thank the beautiful nanny that loved her for so long. JiaRong was the woman that put the barrette in my daughter's hair when she was 9 months old and took the picture for her passport photo, which we received with the referral pictures. JiaRong was the woman that put the barrettes in my daughters hair for the referral pictures, when she was 12 months old. And JiaRong was the same woman that put the (very) large barrettes in my daughters hair for Gotcha Day, as evidenced below. It was important to her nanny, JiaRong, that Cady's parents know with those subtleties that she is loved. And Cady's parents do know.....and now JiaRong knows that we know.



More later, now we must pack to go to Guangzhou where we will stay for the remainder of our trip, (around 5 more days)

This was our first day off since getting Cady. There were no tours, no appointments, and we just got to play all day. Today was another big one, as we started with a little dress up and some running around. We let Mommy have the time with Cady today, and I had to play the disinterested one. With all of the other attempts to get Cady to be with Mommy more, I was nearby, and watching, and talking. We would do ok until Cady would hear me, or see me watching her, then she would insist on coming to me. Our morning consisted of me sitting at the computer and not interacting with her. It was hard for me because I didn't even get my morning kisses.

I *sniff* survived.

Karen got some good and much needed bonding time, and Cady really started seeing Mommy as someone other than the one to go to when hungry and when it was bath time. I've done some of this too, but Mommy is the main one for that. I'm learning it.

Daddy's reward was worth it.



People have asked about the bonding process, and how to help keep it even so that one parent is not excluded from the process. It absolutely varies for each child, but I will generalize a few things that I have learned that might help. These things work with a toddler level child, who has a very clear understanding of what's going on.

When we get our babies, we try to be oh so gentle. They are so precious, and we reach out slowly, touch softly, caress, gently hug, and even try to play very carefully. This was my habit when we got her, and though I would not change this behavior for the first day, when we were just trying to understand each other, but day two is a good time. This is a very different situation than raising a child from the womb, but think about any child from anywhere at this age. We grab, poke, wiggle, spin, dance, and we play hard. Add to this the fact that these children have been raised very abruptly. Never harshly mind you. I can attest to that. I have seen the orphanage, and I unless they painted the walls just for our visit, and told everyone in this very big building to be extra gentle with the children in case we walked in, then I can tell you that the people working here want every child to get through this. My point is that these kids are handled as children, not as priceless vases. Being treated too softly is totally alien to them.

I emphasize this though. Start softly, and build up fast. When we got Cady, she behaved like a 3 month old. That first few hours of bathing, dressing, and talking, she was in a near comatose state. She had no idea what was happening, and she was frightened. All she did was sit on the bed with us and looked around. She didn't move her arms or legs or anything. Soft was good. Within a few hours she was more like a 7 month old. At this point we didn't even know if she could walk. She was becoming curious about things, and would lean over to try to see things out of her line of sight. She noticed the stacking cups. She started exploring her toys. By the next day, she was more alert and moving around. We learned that not only could she walk all by herself, she was very good at it, and really enjoyed it. You've seen the video.

If I could do it all over again, I would have started with a little more play appropriate to her age. Still softer than normal, but beginning to ramp it up a little. We didn't do this. We still treated her softly. In the end, and at this point, we have overcome and surpassed what we may not have gained on day two, but it made the day tougher than it had to be.

Another good tip that we learned just last night and have been working on ever since is that I think the child will always pick one parent and begin that bond. Where they are from they know many people, but they come to rely on only one. Just that one person for feeding, changing, playing, and being put to bed. They may not understand what this pair of people is supposed to be about. I personally feel that no matter what you do or how you do it, the child will pick one.

Now here's where it gets important. When the child has picked their parent, two things need to happen.

(1) First, that other parent needs to never stop trying. Grab that child and steal kisses. You bet she or he will cry, but you take them anyhow. Remember, we're retraining them that there is more than one now. Let the child cry, this is why most agencies recommend you spend time alone in the room together. These children will cry, and it will hurt you to the core. Take those hugs, and take those kisses. You and the child deserve them. Always keep it a game. Make lots of funny sounds, make wiggly airplane fingers and poke them in the belly with splashing or crashing sounds. Make your kisses really really loud. Pucker those lips, lean in squeaking, pop that kiss on the cheek, and move back really fast. I think actions that linger like holding the lips in too long or hugging too long seem to intimidate the child. I know that it kinda scared Cady so it was no longer mentally stimulating. This caused her to back off and resist. They will resist no matter what, but when it becomes fun, and a game, well guess what. I think this defines bonding.

(2) The chosen parent needs to take the things that helped the bonding start needs to begin sharing those things. When Cady first started attaching to me, I would grab her foot and kiss it, then I would grab a hand and kiss it, then I would pop a kiss on her cheek. She never even laughed or giggled at this. She just stared at me. Eventually she would lift her foot up really high so that I could kiss it. She would let me give it a kiss, and she would then pull it away really fast, then put a hand to my face and the same. Once we caught on to how to do this, I started sharing games with Karen. I would grab her hand and kiss it, then pull her hand over to Mommy to kiss it. She didn't like that at all, but we would try it a few times, then move on to something else. Later on we would try that game again, and maybe a new game. Cady already liked grabbing my thumbs and making me clap my hands. Karen would push her hands inside of that, and I would help Cady clap my hands really fast so we could catch Mommy's hands inside. This became a game that we all liked.

Even then, it was a very tough day. We had to do all of these things. There were times in which I had to pretend that I was not interested at all. She would come to my leg while sitting in the chair, and she wanted me to pick her up or play. I just pretended not to notice. It was hell, but then again, nobody said this was going to be easy.

This afternoon Karen found her little girl. I want to encourage her to write about it herself, but it was very special to me. I was helping Macy's parents with getting some images uploaded to a separate page so that they could share with their own families, and Karen took advantage of the moment, by playing with Cady in her own way. They played some games that Mommy thought up, and they did the things that girls liked, like playing with ribbons and bows in a fun way. They did very well together. I'm proud of Cady's new Mommy. She had the tougher part, and she worked very hard and overcame it, and I think we are very close to the balance that we wanted.



Another thing that I have learned is that it was 2 steps forward, and 1 step back. Every time this little girl went to sleep, we lost some ground. We had to start some things over, but this time it didn't take an hour of work, it took 15 minutes. Once again right now as I am typing this, I am partially ignoring my daughter so that she can learn that Mommy is right over there shaking her box of animal crackers. This time though, I can look down at her, smile at her, even talk to her. I just can't pick her up yet. You know what? She walked over to Mommy for those crackers. She brought them back over to me, but I am still typing. Don't come to China thinking this is a vacation, you're coming here to work and learn.

This has gotten very lengthy to write, and I do remind you, read this advice with caution. Orphanage or not, these children are every bit as individual as those in the United States. Your milage on this advice will vary.

Oh yeah, you all get a full page with lots of pictures of my little baby in Steelers gear. Look for the link at the top.

Nicole, we thank you for reading this so much. Tell your own daddy that there are other teams in the NFL, and that some of them even win Super Bowls.

We love you all very much and look forward to visiting.

Karen and I just spent an emotionally exhausting morning at the SWI in Hefei visiting the place where Cady lived her first 16 months. We always felt it, but we now know that she was absolutely loved. Never in my life have I wept so much from happiness and relief than this day. I did get video, and, to be honest, it may be something we decide to share only with Cady. I think that we will share it with you all at some point, as we want to help others to understand this all, but I don't want to promise anything until it all sinks in.

During our gotcha day, we were allowed to ask questions to the Hefei Assistant Director about Cady. We asked if we could visit the orphanage and spend time with her nanny, and we were told that we could. It's important that those people who are not familiar with this to know that this is not always allowed by orphanages for various reasons.

We then asked about Yang Xiang, a boy who's Mommy and Daddy (from the Yahoo Hefei message boards) are working very hard to come to him as quickly as the paperwork allows. We asked if we could take pictures of him for his Mommy and Daddy. We were very relieved to hear a "yes". Right when the Orphanage director saw his picture, she knew him.

Karen and I were very honored to be able to do this for Yang Xiang and his Mommy and Daddy. We both feel that if someone had been able to do this for us to see our Cady, it would help the time a little. He was a little startled when he was presented in front of a whole crowd of people waving cameras and all talking to him at once, so he did cry a bit while we were doing this. We told Yang Xiang and his nanny that his Mommy and Daddy wants to be here now for him, and they are trying very hard to get here as fast as they will be allowed. I have used the word "important" many times in my writings here, and this is no exception.

It is very important that this boy's Mommy and Daddy know that he is being given lots of love. He is being very well taken care of.

I had intended on just getting something written quickly so that I could get these pictures uploaded for his parents, but I wrote a little more than originally intended. Karen and I are really worn out, and Cady is just now waking up. The link to his pictures are at the top with his name.

So we have 2 other couples with us, as you have seen. Three children close in age. Each child has her own lovable points, and each has her own little quirks. Usually at this point, the child has a stronger bond with one parent over the other. From what I have read, it is more often the mother that gets this bonus. In the case of Anne Marie and Macy, momma is definitely the one. Now for you fathers out there, you need to understand that first, it's very true when they say that if you find yourself in this situation, you should not worry. With love, and a relentless persuit of that little girl's heart, you will get yours, and there is nothing sweeter.

Anne Marie is the younger of the three at about 11 months. Whenever one of the other 2 cries, she becomes very concerned. watching her, you can tell that she wants so much to help. Her level of empathy is incredible.

Macy is the clown. I see her giggling and laughing so much. She has so much energy and excitement in her little frame that's just bursting. She has so much emotion. The downside to this is that she does have down points, and she cries as hard as she laughs. We all know that she is going to be just fine, but I have heard Cady cry, and when she is very tired and doesn't want to sleep, we have to let her cry until she is asleep. Luckily for Daddy it only takes about a minute or two, but after 30 seconds, Daddy's heart is shattering. Macy's Mommy and Daddy have enough love to overcome, and though I am sure it rips at their hearts, I know they will be just fine.

Cady to me seems the veteran of the three. She always has a very determined look on her face. She does not smile much, she hasn't talked much, but she gives hugs, and even today she insisted that Daddy kiss her. Did you hear that?? She insisted that Daddy kiss her! I know all parents want to believe this, but I think we have a very smart girl on our hands here. She studies everything to every detail. When we gave her the stacking cups, she was able to stack the first three (smallest to second to largest) immediately. She didn't even need us to show her once. She would take 2 cups, hold them up in the air, and study them very hard. She would then put the smaller one into the one just bigger, and then so on. The fourth cup took he about an hour of study to get right, but now she is stacking cups at at least a 3 year old level ;p

Today we signed our official papers, and now by Chinese law, we are a family. Gotcha day is important, but this is the day that we will celebrate with Cady each year.

Just before the meeting for all of this, Cady and I had a long lasting moment. While laying on the bed, she would put a foot out to me to kiss. When I would kiss it, she would put it down, and then give me her hand to kiss. After the hand, we would rotate in a foot, and maybe the other foot. We did this for about an hour. This was the first time we got smiles. Cady's smiles up to and including this point were very faint. We could see them clearly, more of a smirk, but they were definitely there. Near the end of our play, I was seeing a little of her teeth in her smiles.

We had reached a bonding point. She was letting me be her Daddy.

I had to carry her down to the meeting, as she didn't want Mama to do that. I was already worried for Karen, as I want her to be bonded with us both equally. Karen is not worried about this, as she is very happy that Cady and I are getting this chance that neither of us have ever had. A real chance to be Daddy and Daddy's Girl.

Now I remind you that today was the first time we got smiles. Real smiles. At the meeting, something wonderful beyond compare happened. Yeah, we got to sign papers. We got to give away quite a bit of money. We became an official family. But something of the purest beauty happened today, and we got it right on video. We have absolute full mouthed smiles, which would have been enough, but then we got laughter. I've been waiting for the last 12 hours to get this up so everyone could see, but once this little girl decided that I got to be Daddy, well, if I even disappear into the bathroom, she wells up and cries. We're working on a balance.

Anyhow, that's a lot of words, and ironically a thousand more will not be able to convey what happened to us today. We'll let the video do the rest. You WILL want your sound turned on for this.

So much has happened in the past 24 hours. It's as if each hour is worth one full month of her life. Today was Adoption Day, and China gave us legal rights to our daughter (more to come on today's events later, when Scott posts). For our friends that are waiting for their children, no matter the age when you get her, she will be your baby. She is more of a baby than I anticipated, yet she is so unbelievably smart. When we first received Cady, one day ago, she responded almost as a new born, and was completely dependent on our caring for her. We sat her down on the bed, and gave her a few small items, some stacking cups; a singing toy; a small, purple beach ball. And both of us just kneeled on the ground, tending to her. I started brushing her hair with the baby brush and she leaned her head down so I could brush her hair. She knew what the brush was for, and loved every bit of it. We gave her a bath with the purple ball. The ball and her hair brush have become her favorite lovies....I think she bonded with these items at the same time as she bonded with us. Last night she played for hours with the stacking cups. She is very methodical, and deliberate in everything she does. Her referral pictures show this about her more than we actually knew.
Yesterday afternoon, a few hours after Gotcha, we all laid down to take a nap, and the most beautiful thing happened. As she started to fall asleep, she reached one hand over to Scott's face and stroked his cheek, then she reached to my face and did the same. Her leg reached over to the top of my chest, while her other leg fell deliberately onto Scott's. It was almost to the point of doing the splits. It was as if Cady was telling us, "I can't believe you are here". While at the same time, holding us down with her legs to insure that we would not leave if she fell asleep. She did fall asleep within minutes of doing these things, while Scott was whispering to her that we will be with her for now and for always.
The pictures below captured the moment, as I squeezed out from under her to take the shots, soon after she fell asleep.

So many wonderful things are happening right now. We don't even need to look hard for that "this is proof that this is right" moments. I definitely want to share the things that are happening, and I will, I promise. She really likes us close though, so great for us, maybe not so much for those reading right now. Well, you can guess who wins this one.

But second place winners do get some pictures. See the Gotcha link above.

One of the other couples, Leigh and Rusty, with their daughter Macy (we never asked them the right spelling for her name). She is the same age as Cady and from the same SWI.

The gotcha moments are on film, but they will take some editing that may not get done til we are at home. For now, please enjoy this.

We're still a little busy (she's such a good girl!) but we have to share with you all.



Our angel.

Will post more after some more loving time.

There are times in my life when I feel an importance to do something. Often times I may not even know what it is that I am supposed to do, but I just have that urge to accomplish something. Right now is one of those times in which I feel the urgency to write this.

I need to leave this message right now.

Right now, it's 5:45 in the morning here in in the city of Hefei, in the province of Anhui, in the country of China.

Right now, Cady, you are probably awake, and someone is fussing with you to get you fed, changed, and happy. You have no idea what is about to happen to you, but I promise that it is something wonderful. It may not feel like immediately, but today you are beginning your new life. The life you were meant to have. The life you deserve.

Daddy is really nervous right now as he types this. He knows that he and Mommy will be saving all of these messages for you so that you can have them always, and you can see the joy that we have shared with our friends. He knows that this message is very important. As you grow, we will share these things together. You will get to see all of the wonderful wishes that everyone from all over the world have offered you. At this moment, people all over this world are happy for us for having you, and happy for you for having us. In about 3 hours, we will be together, and that will be forever.

I want you to know that this moment right now is the most important moment of my life. If we do our jobs right, by the time you are reading this, you will already know how I can tell you this even now before we have ever touched, held hands, or held on to each other "oh so tight".

I love you.
-Daddy

We are adopting with two other couples, all of us have toddlers. One of the couple's tends to be more like us....they don't adventure out to the street to eat street vendor food, Very sweet couple from N Carolina. His name is Rusty and hers is Leigh. How can someone not like a "Rusty"? The other couple is more venturesome. John and Meg. We walked to the market with John and Meg yesterday, just before dusk. The life here is, although still busy, it's a different kind of busy in Hefei from Shanghai. It's a mix of people, from industrial workers to coal miners families. While our daughter was found outside of a community village gate, Rusty and Leigh's daughter was found a the entrance to a coal mine, and John and Mgt's daughter was found near a factory a bit further out. These are hard working people. Below our hotel window, there are backyards from various houses and apartments. Hefei is much larger than I assumed it would be. When I had heard that Cady was left at the gates of a community village, I immediately thought of dirt roads and "villages" But, there are large apartment complexes, stacked high, with deep alley-ways leading into the narrow street to get to the apartments. Outside of each apartment village, there is an iron gate. My guess is that these are the "community villages". After seeing the condition of these complexes, we do not have much interest in finding her finding-spot. She was only 4 days old, it could be that she was born in that complex, or in one of a hundred others in the vicinity. I don't want her growing up thinking that she could pin point her birth area from that location. And although it might be something of importance to her later, we do know the name of the "Community village" and she will be able to investigate that part more, later in her life if she is interested.

More importantly to us, is to visit the orphanage in a few days, with our daughter. These are the people that have nurtured her, loved her, and watched her grow for the first 16 months and 3 weeks of her life. I want to know the person that cared enough about our daughter to place her in two different dresses to take her referral pictures. And the woman that placed a barrett in her hair at 9 months old, for her first picture, and made sure she had the same barrett in her hair when the two other pictures were taken of her, two months later. I have gifts for these woman (if there were two), bracelets that are linked with sterling hearts. I purchased two of them just in case there are two nannies that have cared for her the most. When we return to the SWI, the ones most happy to see our daughter will be the ones that most likely gave pieces of their own hearts to our Cadence. I also brought Sees Candy truffles for the other nannies to share, and a baseball cap and blue diamond almonds for the director. Words or gifts cannot express the gratitude I have for those that have kept our daughter safe for us from 4 days old, till our day we unite with her forever.

On our way to the hotel, we received several grins from Chinese people on busses or bicycles. Some people looked, then told the person they were with to also look, but it was more that we are a novelty in this place. They realize we are out of place, but it is amusing and interesting to the residents. With all the crowds, I do not feel unwelcome. And I do not feel threatened. One of my first thoughts after the short flight from Shanghai to Hefei, on the bus ride to the hotel , was, when we happen to venture out, is that it's possible her birth parents will pass us? They wouldn't know, as she was only 4 days old when Cady was found. Or perhaps, we will pass another adult that has gone through the process of leaving their child somewhere in the near or distant past. All I can do is look at these people with gratitude and admiration for their courage. I hope that, beyond my obvious pride that I will show when I stroll with Cady on the streets of Hefei, I will also show them the respect and kindness, that, even if I knew how to speak Mandarin, my heart could say to these people with more sincerity.

It's now 5:06 am. We have agreed to go downstairs with the other couples at 7 am for breakfast. We will toast to our daughters, and to us. We will share twinkles in our eyes and nervous laughs. Anxiety will be high, of that I'm sure. Breakfast is served directly across from the main entrance to the hotel. Our daughters will be walked in to the hotel from that entrance, at 9am, and be whisked upstairs to the second level of the hotel. Will we recognize her as she is carried through the front door of the hotel? Will my heart know who she is? What a wonderfully blissful moment I'm feeling.

Arrived at Shanghai airport 4 hours before flight (the checkin lady said "you know your flight is 4 hours from now?" I told you that I stressed about these things.)
Flight went alright
Cady comes to us at 9:00 am (in about 12 hours fro this posting)
We shopped in a grocery store today (everyone looks at us like we're from Mars)
I uploaded some new pictures (See Hefei Day 1)
Very very tired, and anxious for tomorrow to come.
I promise to get you pictures, but not til after Cady gets 1000 magic kisses (that won't take long)

I can't describe what's in my head right now. I have no words.

Stay tuned.

I find it interesting how I worry about so many things here like catching the flights, getting our luggage through, and all that, but I'm not worried about the fact that sometime on Monday my life is going to change forever. I sit here trying to think of some great inspirational words, but I really don't have anything. I'm really unsure about why that part doesn't cause me any worry. I've read lots of blogs, and I know of the obstacles ahead, but I sit here stressing about flight times and luggage.

As Karen posted, we did go out. My warning to you when in China and on foot is to not stop or slow down. I swear, every time I walked out of the hotel, the same guy asked me if I wanted a Rolex (or likely a Rollex if you know what I mean).

Today we have to get in a taxi by ourselves, and trust that the driver will take us to the airport. Apparently the hotel here has a shuttle to the airport that's 45 minutes away, but not one to the airport just down the road. More stress.

My spirits are still high, and we'll get there.

Thanks for reading.

OK I'm not exactly sure where everyone goes between 1am and 5am but that's the only time there isn't honking on the streets here in Shanghai. I'm actually not really sure where everyone is going during the honking hours either. It's like a bunch of busy ants out doing ....something important.
We did venture out yesterday. On our stroll to a store, I looked down and a lady who appeared from nowhere was suddenly kneeled down and squirting white goo onto my shoe (tennis shoe), from a tube. I looked at her in semi-shock and said, "take that off my shoe". She then proceeded to pull out a wooden foot stand from her jacket and forced my foot onto it. As I put the weight onto my other foot, she started shining my tennis shoe. Every time I said "no" she pulled my foot back onto the her wooden foot stand and squeezed more goo onto the shoe, then rubbed it off more. Finally, Scott and I had to say NO several times and walk away. She tugged on my sleeve, got in front of us, tugged on Scott's sleeve and all the while insisting on 2 Yuen.....2 Yuen!!! Apparently, she expected me to pay her for accosting me. Eventually she left but not before she started yelling out something, of which my interpretation was, "Those Americans insisted that I work for FREE!!" I probably would have paid her , 1. if I had anything less than 10 yuan on me at the time, and 2. If I would have actually insisted that she shines one tennis shoe as she had obviously claimed to the crowd.
We did make friends with the doorman though. In his proudest English he told me that Clinton had stayed at the Peace Hotel when he was president. At first I wasn't sure what he was saying. We had told him that we're from California, and he said, "Ahhhh.....Cweee-town ! " Now, that isn't all that much by itself, but in Santa Rosa, California, where I lived for most of my years, there's a shopping mall called Codding-Town. So, as he continued to say Cwee-town, I was more astounded that he knew I lived in a town that has a shopping mall named Codding-Town, than trying to make anything else out of what he was saying to me. Finally, he said ....Washington DC. Then it dawned on me that he is not a psychic, that knew I had ventured out to Codding-Town by the mere mention of California, but that instead he was saying Clinton.
(The pictures we've taken from our hotel and from the streets, are linked above and labeled "Shanghai").

Quite honestly, I know that we have butchered the pronunciation of our daughter's Province and city. We have been saying that she's in Hefei, in the Anhui Province. Now writing this makes me seem very educated to some, but the entire time, Ive been pronouncing it as if I were saying Hee-Fee, in the An-Huey Province. We spoke to an elderly couple at the airport, and when we pronounced it He-Fe, in the An Huey Province they gave us some blank stares. I wonder if for a moment they thought we were talking about a shopping mall somewhere too. We found out the true pronunciation is like saying (Cafe-but substitute H for C) in the (Anh-Way) Province.
We've been studying small sentences in Mandarin.... I love you, don't cry, I am your mama, I am your daddy......But, now that I've learned that I've not even pronounced her home province correctly until now, I'm concerned that if I try to comfort Cady in her native tongue she will wonder why I'm telling her something crazy. Perhaps the best language is the unspoken language. A smile, a hug, a kiss, a gentle touch on the cheek.....and I think the heart says more than any tongue can convey.
We leave today for Hefei, and on the flight over, we should meet up with the other two couples, perhaps go out to dinner with our guide.....Then tomorrow morning we meet our daughter.

OK, just as the title suggests...we are alive. I think I need a t-shirt that reads, "I survived the flight to Shanghai". From everything that Scott posted, imagine having to hear him talk about it in real time....in an hourly basis. I had no trouble sleeping on the long flight from San Fran to Shanghai, but then I took sleeping pills that the doctor prescribed, and Scott didn't. I did encounter swollen ankles beyond belief though. The seats were very compact, and it didn't help much that we brought two carry-on's each, so one of my carry-ons was under my seat, and the seat in front of me was continually leaning back, almost in my lap. But the end result is worth the small inconveniences. Scott already has a very paternal attitude. This is a man that doesn't really like to venture out too often, beyond known territory. Yet, if he were facing dragons, he would have faught them, just to get that much closer to his daughter.
We arrived to Shanghai 19 hours after we left our house, due to the two flight delays that Scott spoke of, then it was another 45 minute drive to the hotel...yet another adventure. The hotel had a driver pick us up at the airport, and he drove back as if he owned the road. It was probably 80 mph the entire way to the hotel, with honks, swerves and barely stops. It's definitely aggressive driving in China. I think the road rules are made by the men, as a result of no woman drivers that I could see. Now I understand why elderly Chinese women drive so cautiously in the states, they are probably used to being the passengers back home, in China. We passed a restaurant on the way to the hotel. The restaurant had large windows with aquariums built in to them, so you could choose your meal before you go in, I suppose that could be comparable to having a menu taped to the entrance door. Dinner is definitely freshly cooked in China.
I'm going to try to convince Scott to venture out today, but I understand his apprehension. Our guide is going to meet us tomorrow in HeFei, so for today, we are on our own. We don't know the language and we don't really know our way around. We know that the two other couples are to be in this same hotel today, but we have no way to meet up with them until the flight in to HeFei tomorrow. Our adoption agency was great in telling us where we must all stay, but was not so great in telling us much else about how to meet up with the other two couples while in the hotel in Shanghai, and although we ended up with their email addresses, we didn't get that info until a couple of weeks ago, so it was the last thing on our minds to remember to contact them. On a positive note, Scott is having Coca~cola withdrawls, so he has agreed to venture out to the point of finding a store that has coke. Hopefully we will take at least 2 or 3 pictures of Shanghai before the night is done.

Do you remember when I made a list of all of the things that cause me stress about this whole trip?

Things got interesting right from the start. I will say, the airport shuttle was on time. We sure had a good start anyhow. From there it just went down.

It all started with this.


Now, we were scheduled for 2 hours over in San Fran, so there was a little cushion. Even as we were checking in with the airline, they began warning us of possible delays in our flight. Now, if a delay causes you to miss a connecting flight within the country, the inconvenience is generally 4-8 hours of waiting for the next flight. United only goes to Shanghai out of San Francisco once per day. That means if we miss our flight, we would be stuck in San Fran overnight.

I am normally a fairly non-confrontational person. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, and that there are other people that need to get places too. Yesterday I was a papa bear being kept away from my baby. We were boarding our plane at about 12:00, and, as everyone was already in a hurry (they had connecting flights they had to now rush to as well) we were all boarded and ready to go by 10 after the hour. This is good right? We can now get this plane off the ground so that we actually have a chance to make our connecting. Well, it seems that all flights were being delayed, so there was this mad rush to fill our own plane with people who were now trying to bump up their own flight into ours. This takes time. This takes time that we could be used.. you know.. getting in the air with at least a hope of making our own flights. I spoke up. I spoke up a lot.

Anyhow, we made it into San Fran with about an hour before the flight, so we rushed to the next terminal (yes it was another terminal) and made it with about 20 minutes to spare before boarding.

Well guess what. Yah, the flight from San Fran to Shanghai was delayed by an hour.

If someone on the plane in Sacramento could have just told me that, I wouldn't have had to worry.

But they didn't tell me.
I asked, but they could only give me the "We don't know."
So I did stress.

I won't bore you with the details, but just a few observations from a 13 hour flight.

I learned that I can't sleep on a plane. I sure did want to, and I did try, but I can't sleep sitting upright, or whatever angle they allow.

I can manage to jam other body parts under my butt to help relieve the numbing feeling. I learned this while on the plane. It takes a special kind of limb management, as tucking my foot under my thigh generally causes that limb to then fall asleep. At that point I can then go on to another limb in place. Rinse and repeat. Impressed? I sure was.

I learned that a flight that takes 13 hours but, due to time changes, encompasses a 28 hour difference feels like a 28 hour flight. I think at some points I literally felt that I was losing some of my sanity.

Anyhow, though you will see the posting times in local California time (I'm keeping the PowerBook on Cali time so I know when I can bother friends.) It's a vastly different time here. Right now it is 8am on Saturday. We may not venture far from the hotel today, because we have no contacts in Shanghai. If something goes wrong, we're completely on our own. We will be venturesome in Hefei and Guangzhou, but not here. I'll get some pictures from around the hotel area though, as I am told there is a place on the roof that looks over a nice piece of the city.

Be well everyone. less than 48 hours until the Cady Chase becomes a Cady Capture.

Well, I made it through the workday, and the pets are snug and happy with the petsitters. I'm worn out and anxious at the same time. I suspect that I will have no trouble falling asleep tonight, but I think that the moment I wake up, I will definitely be up.

The electronics are nestled, all snug in their cases
with visions of snapshots and clips of cute faces..

Yeah, I'm a hack. I already know that.

By request, I have tried enabling the RSS for the site. Sadly, the software tells you how to do everything but that, so I have no idea if it will work. If not, sorry, but time has run out. I can try to tinker when time permits, but well.. you know.. I have this whole adoption thing to take care of ;p

I'm gonna be a impossible to deal with until we actually land in Shanghai. I stress over getting to the airport on time, I stress over the luggage, I stress over what we will and will not be allowed to actually take with us (will they say "You can't bring that on the plane."?) I'll stress about being stuck on a plane for 10+ hours. I'll stress about whether we will land in time for our next flight, and, if I am very very lucky, I will stress about whether I snored too loudly or drooled too much while sleeping through the ENTIRE flight. I have no issues at all about flying, just everything before and after.

Pity Karen. Please keep her in your thoughts. She will need all of the support you can offer.

Have no doubts, we will be updating often, and Karen will be posting a lot more once we get there. She may even offer a message before we head for the airport in the morning.

As always, we thank you for reading.

Ok so I moved the site again. I'm really sorry for those of you who bookmarked the last one only to now be asked to bookmark a new one. I needed to get this over to solve some issues that iWeb wasn't able to do for me.

So we got a wonderful present from Kris and Paul, our bestest friends around here. They have offered us so much support for our whole journey, and we love them dearly. They bought this Pooh bear for Cady, and I was playing with him all day at work yesterday.

So we leave in 2 days. I have no idea how I'm going to get through another workday..