My Favorite Old Songs and Ballads

THE SCOTSMAN'S KILT (bawdy)

A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
He staggered on until he could no longer keep his feet
Then stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

cho: Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
     Ring di diddle i o
     He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Later on two young and lovely girls just happened by,
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
You see yon sleeping Scotsman who is young and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.

     Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
     Ring di diddle i o
     I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.
They crept up to the sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Then lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing but what God had graced him with upon his birth

     Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
     Ring di diddle i o
     There was nothing there but what God gave upon his birth

They marveled for a moment then one said we'd best be gone
But let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
They took a blue silk ribbon and they tied it in a bow
Around the bonnie spar that the Scot's lifted kilt did show

     Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
     Ring di diddle i o
     Around the bonnie spar that the Scot's lifted kilt did show

The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward a tree
Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
Then in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
He said, "Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won
     first prize"

     Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
     Ring di diddle i o
     He said, "Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won
          first prize"

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THE RATTLIN' BOG


 Chorus:
  Hey ho, the rattlin' bog
  The bog down in the valley-o
  The rare bog, the rattlin' bog
  The bog down in the valley-o

Now in this bog there was a tree
A rare tree, a rattlin' tree
Tree in the bog and the bog down in the valley-o
              Chorus:

Now on this tree there was a limb
A rare limb, a rattlin' limb
Limb on the tree, tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
              Chorus:

Now on this limb, there was a branch
A rare branch, a rattlin' branch
Branch on a limb, Limb on the tree, 
tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
             Chorus:

Now on this branch, there was a twig
A rare twig, a rattlin' twig
Twig on a branch, Branch on a limb, 
Limb on the tree, tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
              Chorus:

Now on this twig, there was a nest
A rare nest, a rattlin' nest
Nest on a twig, Twig on a branch, 
Branch on a limb, Limb on the tree, 
Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
             Chorus:

Now in this nest, there was an egg
A rare egg, a rattlin' egg
Egg in a nest, Nest on a twig, 
Twig on a branch,Branch on a limb, 
Limb on the tree, Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
              Chorus:

Now on this egg, there was a bird
A rare bird, a rattlin' bird
Bird on an egg, Egg in a nest, 
Nest on a twig, Twig on a branch,
Branch on a limb, Limb on the tree, 
Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
              Chorus:

Now on this bird, there was a wing
A rare wing, a rattlin' wing
Wing on a bird, Bird on a egg, 
Egg in a nest, Nest on a twig, 
Twig on a branch, Branch on a limb, 
Limb on the tree, Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
                Chorus:

Now on this wing, there was a feather
A rare feather, a rattlin' feather
Feather on a wing, Wing on a bird, 
Bird on a egg, Egg in a nest,
 Nest on a twig, Twig on a branch,
 Branch on a limb, Limb on the tree, 
Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
                  Chorus:

Now on this feather, there was a bug
A rare bug, a rattlin' bug
Bug on a feather, Feather on a wing, 
Wing on a bird, Bird on a egg, 
Egg in a nest, Nest on a twig, 
Twig on a branch, Branch on a limb, 
Limb on the tree, Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the  valley-o...
                    Chorus:

Now on this bug, there was an eye
A rare eye, a rattlin' eye
Eye on a bug, Bug on a feather, 
Feather on a wing, Wing on a bird, 
Bird on a egg, Egg in a nest, 
Nest on a twig, Twig on a branch, 
Branch on a limb, Limb on the tree, 
Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
                     Chorus:

Now on this eye, there was a gleam
A rare gleam, a rattlin' gleam
Gleam on an eye, Eye on a bug,
Bug on a feather,Feather on a wing, 
Wing on a bird, Bird on an egg, 
Egg in a nest, Nest on a twig, 
Twig on a branch, Branch on a limb, 
Limb on the tree, Tree in the bog, 
and the bog down in the valley-o...
                      Chorus:

(branch, twig, nest, egg, bird, wing, feather, bug, eye, gleam)

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Reynard the Fox 

       
Ye gentlemen of high renown come listen unto me
that takes delight in fox hunting, by every degree
A story I will tell to you, concerning an old fox
Near Royston Woods and mountains high, and over stony rocks.

Bold Reynard was the culprits name, he lived outside the town. 
An he feasted on the feathered fowl he took from farms around.
Now Reynard being in his hole and hearing of these hounds
Which made him for to prick up his ears and tread upon the ground.

ñMethinks me hears some jubal hounds a-pressing upon the life.
Before that day should come to me, IÍll tread upon the ground.î
Now Reynard he leaped from his hole and flew cross sylvan wood.
for fear they would catch hold of him and do him little good.

ïWe hunted full four hours more thru parishes sixteen. 
We hunted full four hours more till we came by Parkworth Green.Í
ñOh if youÍll only spare my life IÍll promise and fulfill
to touch no more your ducks nor geese, nor lambs on yonder hill.î

Now Reynard pleaded for his life, he had no wish to die.
To save himself himself from hounds and men, he was prepared to lie.
Now ReynardÍs spent and out of breath and treading on this ground
thinking he must give up his life, before these jubal hounds.

So hereÍs adieu to ducks and geese, likewise to lambs also.
For they caught poor Reynard by the slabs and would not let him go.
Now Reynard hangs upon the wall, his hide is stretched and dried
for feasting on the ducks and geese from about the countryside.

So take a lesson from this tale of Reynard the old fox
He lost both liberty and life, by feasting on the flocks.

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The Ramblin Rover

Oh, there're sober men and plenty,
And drunkards barely twenty,
There are men of over ninety
That have never yet kissed a girl.
But give me a ramblin' rover,
Frae Orkney down to Dover.
We will roam the country over
And together we'll face the world.
There's many that feign enjoyment
From merciless employment,
Their ambition was this deployment
From the minute they left the school.
And they save and scrape and ponder
While the rest go out and squander,
See the world and rove and wander
And are happier as a rule.
I've roamed through all the nations
In delight of all creations,
And enjoyed a wee sensation
Where the company, it was kind.
And when barkin' was no pleasure,
I've drunk another measure
To the good friends that were treasure
For they always around were mine.
If you're bent wi' arthiritis,
Your bowels have got Colitis,
You're gallopin' with balacitis
And you're thinkin' it's time you died,
If you been a man o' action,
Though you're lying there in traction,
You will get some satisfaction
Thinkin', ``Jesus, at least I tried.''

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Mary Mack

Chorus:

Mary Mack's mother's making Mary Mack marry me,
My mother's making me marry Mary Mack.
I'm gonna marry Mary so my Mary will take care O' me,
We'll all be feeling merry when I marry Mary Mack.

Now there's a nice wee lass and her name is Mary Mack,
Make no mistake she's the girl I gonna take,
And a lot of other fella's would get upon her track,
but I'm thinkin' they'll have to get up early.

Cho.

Now this wee lass she has a lot of cash,
She has a lot of brass...her father thinks I'm gas,
I'd be a silly ass to let the matter pass,
Her father thinks she suits me very fairly.

Cho.

Now Mary and her mother gang an awful lot together,
In fact you hardly ever she the one without the other,
And all the fella's wonder is it Mary or her mother,
Or both of them together that I'm courtin'.

Cho.

Now the weddin' day 's on Wednesday and everthing's arranged,
Her name will soon be changed to mine unless her mind be changed,
I'm making the arrangements I'm just about derranged
For marriage is an awful undertaking

cho.

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FIDDLER'S GREEN

 As I roved by the dockside on evening so rare
To view the still waters and take the salt air
I heard an old fisherman singing this song
O take me away boys my time is not long

     Dress me up in me oilskin and jumper
     No more on the docks I'll be seen
     Just tell me old shipmates
     I'm taking a trip, mates
     And  I'll see them someday in Fiddler's Green

Now Fiddler's Green is a place I've heard tell
Where fishermen go when they don't go to Hell
Where the weather is fair and the dolphins do play
And the cold coast of Greenland is far, far away

The sky's always clear and there's never a gale
And the fish jump on board with a flip of their tail
You can lie at your leisure, there's no work to do
And the skipper's below making tea for the crew

And when you're in dock and the long trip is thru
There's pubs and there's clubs, and there's lassies there too
Now the girls are all pretty and the beer is all free
And there's bottles of rum hanging from every tree

I don't want a harp or a halo, not me
Just give me a breeze and a good rolling sea
And I'll play me old squeeze box as we sail along
When the wind's in the rigging to sing me this song

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Nobody's Moggy Now




Somebody's moggy 
by the side of the road. 
Somebody's pussy 
who forgot his highway code.
      Someone's favorite feline
 who ran clean out of luck
      When he ran on to the road 
and tried to argue with a truck
      Yesterday he purred and played 
in his pussy paradise
      Decapitating tweety birds 
and masticating mice
      Now he's just six pounds of raw mincemeat
 that don't smell very nice
      He's nobody's moggy now.

      All you who love your pussy
 be sure to keep him in
      Don't let him argue with a truck,
 the truck is bound to win
      And upon the busy road,
 don't let him play or frolic
      If you do I'm warning you
 it could be CATastrophic
      If he tries to play on the roadway,
 I'm afraid that will be that
      There will be one last despairing MEOW!
 and a sort of squelchy splat
      And your pussy will be slightly dead
 and very, very flat
      He's nobody's moggy,
 just red and squashed and soggy
      He's nobody's moggy now.

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Why Paddys Not At Work Today

       

Dear Boss I write this note to you to tell you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
Me body is all black and blue and me face a deadly gray
And I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today

I was workin' on the 14th floor; some bricks I had to clear
And throwin' 'em down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased, he bein' an awful sod
And he said I'd have to take them down the ladder in me hod

Now shiftin' all those bricks by hand it seemed so awful slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below
But in my haste to do the job I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of buildin' bricks was heaveier than me

Now when I came down I cut the rope and the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I shot up like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That halfways up I met the bloody barrel comin' down

Now the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I struck the pulley with me head
I still clung on though numbed and shocked from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks 14 floors below

Now when the bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and I started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope I headed for the ground
And I fell among the broken bricks that were all scatter'd 'round

As I lay there moaning on the floor sure I thought I'd passed the worst
Then the barrel struck the pulley wheel and didn't the bottom burst
A shower of bricks came down on me sure I haven't got a hope
And as I was losing consciousness... I let go the bloody rope

Now the barrel it being heavier it started down once more
And it landed right across me as I lay there on the floor
I broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today
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MAID OF THE SWEET BROWN KNOWE

            

Come all ye lads and lasses, and hear my mournful tale,
Ye tender hearts that weep for love to sigh you will not fail,
'Tis all about a young man, and my song will tell you how
He lately came a-courtin' of the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe.

Said he, "My pretty young fair maid, could you and I agree,
To join our hands in wedlock bands, and married we will be;
We'll join our hands in wedlock bands, and you'll have my plighted vow,
That I'll do my whole endeavors for the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe.

Now this young and pretty fickle thing, she knew not what to say,
Her eyes did shine like silver bright, and merrily did play;
Says she, "Young man, your love subdue, I am not ready now,
And I'll spend another season at the foot of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

"Oh," says he, "My pretty young fair maid, now why do you say so?
Look down in yonder valley where my verdant crops do grow.
Look down in yonder valley at my horses and my plough,
All at their daily labor for the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

"If they're at their daily labor, kind sir, it is not for me.
I've heard of your behavior, I have, kind sir, " said she;
"There is an inn where you drop in, I've heard the people say,
Where you rap and you call and you pay for all, and go home by the break of day."

"If I rap and I call and I pay for all, my money is all my own.
I've never spent aught of your fortune, for I hear that you've got none.
You thought you had my poor heart broke in talkin' to you now,
But I'll leave you where I found you, at the foot of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

Recorded by Burl Ives and several Clancys
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COORTIN' IN THE KITCHEN

Come single belle and beau, to me now pay attention
And love, I'll plainly show, is the divil's own invention.
For once I fell in love with a damsel most bewitchin'
Miss Henrietta Bell, down in Captain Kelly's kitchen

cho:
    To my toora loora la, my toora loora laddy
    Ri toora loora la, ri toora loora laddy.

At the age of seventeen, I was 'prenticed to a grocer
Not far from Stephen's Green, where Miss Bell for tea would go, sir
Her manners were so free, she set me heart a-twitchin'
She invited me to tea, down in Captain Kelly's kitchen.

Next Sunday bein' the day we were to have the flare-up
I dressed myself quite gay, an' I frizzed and oiled my hair up
The Captain had no wife, he had gone out a-fishin'
So we kicked up high life, below-stairs in the kitchen.

Just as the clock struck six we sat down to the table
She served me tea and cakes --- I ate while I was able,
I ate cakes, drank punch and tea, till my side had got a stitch in
And the hours flew quick away, while coortin' in the kitchen.

With my arms around her waist, I kissed ---she hinted marriage
To the door in dreadful haste came Captain Kelly's carriage!
Her eyes soon filled with hate, and a poison she was spittin'
That I'd get out to Hell, or somewhere far from the kitchen.

She flew up off my knees, full seven feet or higher
And over heads and heels, threw me slap into the fire
My new Repealers coat, that I'd bought from Mrs. Stichen
With a thirty-shilling note, went to blazes in the kitchen.

I grieved to see my duds, all besmeared with smoke and ashes
When a tub of dirty suds, right in my face she dashes.
As I lay on the floor, still the water she kept pitchin'
Till the footman broke the door, and marched into the kitchen.

When the Captain came downstairs, and seen my situation
In spite of all my prayers I was marched off to the station
For me they'd take no bail, tho' to get home I was itchin'
And I had to tell the tale of how I came into the kitchen.

I said she did invite me, but she gave a flat denial
For assault she did indict me, and I was sent for trial.
She swore I robbed the house, in spite of all her screechin'
And I got six months hard, for my coortin' in the kitchen.

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CRAZY MAN MICHAEL

Within the fire and out upon the sea
Crazy Man Michael was walking
He met with a raven with eyes black as coals
And shortly they were a-talking

"Your future, your future, I would tell to you
Your future, you often have asked me
Your true love will die by your own right hand
And Crazy Man Michael will cursed be"

Michael he ranted and Michael he raved
And beat at the four winds with his fists-oh
He laughed and he cried, he shouted and he swore
For his mad mind had trapped him with a kiss-oh

"You speak with an evil, you speak with a hate
You speak for the devil that haunts me
For is she not the fairest in all the broad land?
Your sorceror's words are to taunt me"

He took out his dagger of fire and of steel
And struck down the raven through the heart-oh
The bird fluttered long and the sky it did spin
And the cold earth did wonder and start-oh

"Oh, where is the raven that I struck down dead
That here did lie on the ground-O
I see but my true love with a wound so red
Where her true lover's heart it did pound-O.

Crazy Man Michael, he wanders and walks
And talks to the night and the day-oh
But his eyes they are sane and his speech it is clear
And he longs to be far away

Michael he whistles the simplest of tunes
And asks the wild woods their pardon
For his true love is flown into every flower grown
And he must be keeper of the garden

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Johnny McEldoo

There was Johnny McEldoo and McGee and me
And a couple or two or three
went on a spree one day.
We had a bob or two, which we knew how to blew,
And the beer and whiskey flew and we all felt gay.
We visited McCann's, McLemann's, Humpty Dan's;
We then went into Swann's our stomachs for to pack.
We ordered out a feed, which indeed we did need
And we finished it with speed, but we still felt slack.
Johnny McEldoo turned red,white, and blue
And a plate of Irish stew he soon put out of sight.
He shouted out "Encore" with a roar for some more
That he never felt before such a keen appetite.
He ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam, what a cram,
But him we couldn't ram though we tried our level best,
For everything we brought, cold or hot, mattered not
It went down him like a shot, and he still stood the test.
He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard. We got scared,
We thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill.
We told him to give o'er but he swore he could lo'er
Twice as much again and more before he had his fill.
He nearly sucked a trough full of broth. Says McGrath,
"He'll devour the table cloth, if you don't hold him in."
When the waiter brought the charge McEldoo felt so large
He began to scowl and barge and his blood went on fire.
He began to curse and swear, tear his hair in despair,
And to finish the affair, called the shopman a liar.
The shopman he drew out and no doubt he did clout,
McEldoo he kicked about like an old football.
He tattered all his clothes, broke his nose, I suppose
He'd have killed him with a few blows in no time at all.
McEldoo began to howl and to growl by my soul,
He threw an empty bowl at the shopkeeper's head
It struck by Mickey Finn, peeled the skin off his chin,
And the ructions did begin and we all fought and bled.
The Peelers did arrive, man alive, four or five.
At us they made a drive, us all to march away.
We paid for all the meat that we ate, stood a treat,
And went home to ruminate on the spree that day.

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Finnegan's Wake

                      
Tim Finnegan lived in Walkin' Street
A gentleman, Irish, mighty odd;
He had a brogue both rich and sweet
And to rise in the world he carried a hod.
     Now Tim had a sort of the tipplin' way
     With a love of the whiskey he was born
     And to help him on with his work each day
     He'd a "drop of the cray-thur" every  morn.

cho  Whack fol the darn O, dance to your partner
     Whirl the floor, your trotters shake;
     Wasn't it the truth I told you
     Lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!

One mornin' Tim was feelin' full
His head was heavy which made him shake;
He fell from the ladder and broke his skull
And they carried him home his corpse to wake.
     They rolled him up in a nice clean sheet
     And laid him out upon the bed,
     A gallon of whiskey at his feet
     And a barrel of porter at his head.

cho:

His friends assembled at the wake
And Mrs. Finnegan called for lunch,
First they brought in tay and cake
Then pipes, tobacco and whiskey punch.
     Biddy O'Brien began to bawl
     "Such a nice clean corpse, did you ever see?
     "O Tim, mavourneen, why did you die?"
     Arragh, hold your gob said Paddy McGhee!

cho:

Then Maggie O'Connor took up the job
"O Biddy," says she, "You're wrong, I'm sure"
Biddy she gave her a belt in the gob
And left her sprawlin' on the floor.
     And then the war did soon engage
     'Twas woman to woman and man to man,
     Shillelagh law was all the rage
     And a row and a ruction soon began.

cho:

Then Mickey Maloney ducked his head
When a noggin of whiskey flew at him,
It missed, and falling on the bed
The liquor scattered over Tim!
     The corpse revives! See how he raises!
     Timothy rising from the bed,
     Says,"Whirl your whiskey around like blazes
     Thanum an Dhul! Do you thunk I'm dead?"

cho:

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Wild Mountain Thyme

   Oh, the summer time is coming,
   And the trees are sweetly blooming,
   And the wild mountain thyme
   grows around the blooming heather.

Chorus:
   Will you go, lassie, go?
   And we'll all go together
   To pull wild mountain thyme
   All around the blooming heather,
   Will you go lassie, go?

   I will build my love a bower
   By yon clear and crystal fountain,
   And on it I will pile
   All the flowers of the mountain.

                     Chorus:

   If my true love, she won't have me,
   I will surely find another
   To pull wild mountain thyme
   All around the blooming heather.

                     Chorus:

   Oh, the summer time is coming
   And the trees are sweetly blooming
   And the wild mountain thyme
   Grows around the blooming heather.

                      Chorus:

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Boar's Head Carol

The boar's head in hand bear I
Bedecked with bays and rosemary
I pray you, my masters, be merry
Quot estis in convivio (so many as are in the feast)

CHO:  Caput apri defero, Reddens laudes domino
 (the boar's head I bring, giving praises to God)

The boar's head, as I understand,
Is the rarest dish in all this land,
Which thus bedecked with a gay garland
Let us servire cantico. (let us serve with a song)

CHO:

Our steward hath provided this
In honor of the King of bliss
Which, on this day to be served is
In Reginensi atrio: (in the Queen's hall)

Queens College Version, Oxford, England first published 1521

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BARBARA ALLEN

In Scarlet town where I was born,
There was a fair maid dwellin'
Made every youth cry Well-a-day,
Her name was Barb'ra Allen.

All in the merry month of May,
When green buds they were swellin'
Young Willie Grove on his death-bed lay,
For love of Barb'ra Allen.

He sent his man unto her then
To the town where he was dwellin'
You must come to my master, dear,
If your name be be Barb'ra Allen.

So slowly, slowly she came up,
And slowly she came nigh him,
And all she said when there she came:
"Young man, I think you're dying!"

He turned his face unto the wall
And death was drawing nigh him.
Adieu, adieu, my dear friends all,
And be kind to Bar'bra Allen

As she was walking o'er the fields,
She heard the death bell knellin',
And ev'ry stroke did seem to say,
Unworthy Barb'ra Allen.

When he was dead and laid in grave,
Her heart was struck with sorrow.
"Oh mother, mother, make my bed
For I shall die tomorrow."

And on her deathbed she lay,
She begged to be buried by him,
And sore repented of the day
That she did e'er deny him.

"Farewell," she said, "ye virgins all,
And shun the fault I fell in,
Henceforth take warning by the fall
Of cruel Barb'ra Allen."

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