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Published On: Aug 16, 2009 07:18 PM
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Published On: Aug 16, 2009 07:18 PM
Committee Fun...
When the 218th General Assembly of the
Presbyterian Church (USA) met back in 2008, it formed a committee to study
marriage. Some time ago one of the subcommittees of the committee (we're
Presbyterian, we loves us some committees) asked for input regarding their
study. Several folks have written great letters to the committee such as this
one and this
one. (There have been many other excellent letters as well, those are
just two examples.)
Here's the letter Brian and I wrote:
___________________
Dear Committee Members,
Thank you for the opportunity to express our thoughts on the place of covenanted same-gender partnerships in the Christian community. For over 30 years the PC(USA) has been wrestling with questions related to sexuality and sexual orientation. Unfortunately for much of this long history, these conversations have been about “the issue”, not people. Equally unfortunate is that many of these conversations have been about LGBT people, and not with LGBT people. So, it is certainly worth celebrating that a committee of the PC(USA) is actively seeking input from people who are actually affected by its deliberations: the LGBT members of our denomination.
We were married September 15th, 2001 at Northside Presbyterian Church in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was a beautiful early fall day and we were blessed to see our sanctuary filled to overflowing with family, friends, and nearly every member of our congregation. We sang hymns, read Scripture, and heard a homily from the Pastor. We shared communion and exchanged vows and rings. It was in every way a perfect day and every moment of that day illustrated how God has showered us with His many blessings. After we exchanged vows, the assembled witnesses made this their vow to us: “We vow to nurture Brian and Alan in their life together. We promise to support and guide them by word and deed with love, strength, honesty, and humor.” Since that day, that promise made in words has been fulfilled by deeds as our family, our friends, and our congregation have continued to support and nurture us as individuals and in our married life together.
At the same time, we support and nurture our church. We serve on committees and Session. We sing in the choir, preach, teach, and most importantly pray for Northside. The love and support we share with each other in our marriage is a model of the mutual love and support that we show our community of faith, and that the community, in turn, shows for us.
None of which is any different from the marriages of anyone else in our congregation.
Unlike those marriages, however, ours was made to be a source of contention. A serial litigator whom none of us have ever met accused our pastor of wrongdoing for officiating at our ceremony, and even for ordaining one of us. Although the accusation was not sustained, the Investigating Committee formed by the Presbytery to handle this matter never took the opportunity to meet with us, despite our offers to do so, instead demanding copies of the order of worship for our wedding, presumably to determine whether the contents of our heads or hearts conformed to proper Presbyterian polity. We politely declined of course, instead offering to talk with them. They never even acknowledged our offer.
Sometimes it seems as if the promises and responsibilities of the “connectional church” go only one way. We serve on national PC(USA) boards, have often served as elder commissioners to the Presbytery of Detroit, have served on the Presbytery PJC,
and have served as overture advocates and elder commissioners to General Assembly, and we pray for the PC(USA) continually. And for this, we are repaid with litigation. Fortunately for the PC(USA) ours is a covenant, so even when the PC(USA) ignores its responsibilities, the two of us maintain our commitment.
You asked for thoughts on “covenanted same-gender partnerships in the Christian community” but the place of marriage in the Christian community is not different based on sexual orientation. In the PC(USA) we do not have gay baptisms and straight baptisms, for “we confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins” as our Book of Confessions reminds us.. Nor do we celebrate gay communion and straight communion. Of course there is no reason why we should segregate our sacraments, for it is the same God who blesses us all. If we do not segregate our sacraments, why should we needlessly segregate our liturgies? Our “place in the Christian community” as two married gay men is no different than anyone else’s place in the Christian community. Our responsibilities are the same. Our sorrows and our joys are the same. Our love is the same. So, the distinction that is being made makes no sense. Any answer one could give regarding the place of marriage in the Christian community applies to us as much as it applies to anyone else.
You have agreed to serve on a committee that will study the marriages of a group of people, most of whom you have probably never met. You have been asked to provide marriage guidance to LGBT people based only on their sexual orientation. At the
same time you have been asked to provide guidance to the PC(USA) about LGBT people, also based on nothing more than one aspect of their lives: their sexual orientation. Think on this brothers and sisters in Christ: real human beings , created in the Imago Dei, reduced to a distinction and a category. You are being asked to make separations where none exist, and being asked to study distinctions that are not real in any meaningful way. Do not make needless divisions, for as Paul told the church in Galatia, “for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26-28)
As far as we know, we do not know any members of your committee. Yet you, a group of complete strangers, are being asked for your opinion on our wedding ceremony that you did not attend, our marriage that you have never witnessed, between the two of us, whom you have never met. Trying to do such a thing in a pastoral way, not only for the two of us, but for the whole denomination will be difficult, if not impossible. We do not envy you this task, but we thank you for your service.
We know first-hand the feeling of being “talked about” instead of “talked with”. This Church simply must recognize that same-sex couples are not asking for permission to be part of the church. We are already here, and have been serving, praying, and witnessing alongside, to, and with the rest of the church. If your deliberations do not include meaningful and deep conversations with same-sex couples from across our denomination, your work will miss the essential notion of equality that is central to our Presbyterian faith.
Yet you also have the opportunity to speak to the denomination, to remind us all of the proper place of all marriages in the Christian community: not as an idol or a fetish, not as a method of gate-keeping, not as an opportunity to unnecessarily
meddle in the lives of total strangers using the “communal church” as an excuse, not even as a sacrament, but as a symbol and a means of mutual support, nurture, encouragement, and love, just as Christ loves His church.
As you continue your deliberations we urge you to remember our Presbyterian theology of marriage, as our Quaker brothers and sisters so elegantly put it recently: “Marriage is the Lord’s work and we are but witnesses.” On September 15, 2001, we were married before a great cloud of witnesses, yet it was the Lord’s work.
Our marriage continues to be the Lord’s work. That is the place of marriage in Christian community.
May God bless you richly as you continue your deliberations.
Here's the letter Brian and I wrote:
___________________
Dear Committee Members,
Thank you for the opportunity to express our thoughts on the place of covenanted same-gender partnerships in the Christian community. For over 30 years the PC(USA) has been wrestling with questions related to sexuality and sexual orientation. Unfortunately for much of this long history, these conversations have been about “the issue”, not people. Equally unfortunate is that many of these conversations have been about LGBT people, and not with LGBT people. So, it is certainly worth celebrating that a committee of the PC(USA) is actively seeking input from people who are actually affected by its deliberations: the LGBT members of our denomination.
We were married September 15th, 2001 at Northside Presbyterian Church in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was a beautiful early fall day and we were blessed to see our sanctuary filled to overflowing with family, friends, and nearly every member of our congregation. We sang hymns, read Scripture, and heard a homily from the Pastor. We shared communion and exchanged vows and rings. It was in every way a perfect day and every moment of that day illustrated how God has showered us with His many blessings. After we exchanged vows, the assembled witnesses made this their vow to us: “We vow to nurture Brian and Alan in their life together. We promise to support and guide them by word and deed with love, strength, honesty, and humor.” Since that day, that promise made in words has been fulfilled by deeds as our family, our friends, and our congregation have continued to support and nurture us as individuals and in our married life together.
At the same time, we support and nurture our church. We serve on committees and Session. We sing in the choir, preach, teach, and most importantly pray for Northside. The love and support we share with each other in our marriage is a model of the mutual love and support that we show our community of faith, and that the community, in turn, shows for us.
None of which is any different from the marriages of anyone else in our congregation.
Unlike those marriages, however, ours was made to be a source of contention. A serial litigator whom none of us have ever met accused our pastor of wrongdoing for officiating at our ceremony, and even for ordaining one of us. Although the accusation was not sustained, the Investigating Committee formed by the Presbytery to handle this matter never took the opportunity to meet with us, despite our offers to do so, instead demanding copies of the order of worship for our wedding, presumably to determine whether the contents of our heads or hearts conformed to proper Presbyterian polity. We politely declined of course, instead offering to talk with them. They never even acknowledged our offer.
Sometimes it seems as if the promises and responsibilities of the “connectional church” go only one way. We serve on national PC(USA) boards, have often served as elder commissioners to the Presbytery of Detroit, have served on the Presbytery PJC,
and have served as overture advocates and elder commissioners to General Assembly, and we pray for the PC(USA) continually. And for this, we are repaid with litigation. Fortunately for the PC(USA) ours is a covenant, so even when the PC(USA) ignores its responsibilities, the two of us maintain our commitment.
You asked for thoughts on “covenanted same-gender partnerships in the Christian community” but the place of marriage in the Christian community is not different based on sexual orientation. In the PC(USA) we do not have gay baptisms and straight baptisms, for “we confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins” as our Book of Confessions reminds us.. Nor do we celebrate gay communion and straight communion. Of course there is no reason why we should segregate our sacraments, for it is the same God who blesses us all. If we do not segregate our sacraments, why should we needlessly segregate our liturgies? Our “place in the Christian community” as two married gay men is no different than anyone else’s place in the Christian community. Our responsibilities are the same. Our sorrows and our joys are the same. Our love is the same. So, the distinction that is being made makes no sense. Any answer one could give regarding the place of marriage in the Christian community applies to us as much as it applies to anyone else.
You have agreed to serve on a committee that will study the marriages of a group of people, most of whom you have probably never met. You have been asked to provide marriage guidance to LGBT people based only on their sexual orientation. At the
same time you have been asked to provide guidance to the PC(USA) about LGBT people, also based on nothing more than one aspect of their lives: their sexual orientation. Think on this brothers and sisters in Christ: real human beings , created in the Imago Dei, reduced to a distinction and a category. You are being asked to make separations where none exist, and being asked to study distinctions that are not real in any meaningful way. Do not make needless divisions, for as Paul told the church in Galatia, “for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26-28)
As far as we know, we do not know any members of your committee. Yet you, a group of complete strangers, are being asked for your opinion on our wedding ceremony that you did not attend, our marriage that you have never witnessed, between the two of us, whom you have never met. Trying to do such a thing in a pastoral way, not only for the two of us, but for the whole denomination will be difficult, if not impossible. We do not envy you this task, but we thank you for your service.
We know first-hand the feeling of being “talked about” instead of “talked with”. This Church simply must recognize that same-sex couples are not asking for permission to be part of the church. We are already here, and have been serving, praying, and witnessing alongside, to, and with the rest of the church. If your deliberations do not include meaningful and deep conversations with same-sex couples from across our denomination, your work will miss the essential notion of equality that is central to our Presbyterian faith.
Yet you also have the opportunity to speak to the denomination, to remind us all of the proper place of all marriages in the Christian community: not as an idol or a fetish, not as a method of gate-keeping, not as an opportunity to unnecessarily
meddle in the lives of total strangers using the “communal church” as an excuse, not even as a sacrament, but as a symbol and a means of mutual support, nurture, encouragement, and love, just as Christ loves His church.
As you continue your deliberations we urge you to remember our Presbyterian theology of marriage, as our Quaker brothers and sisters so elegantly put it recently: “Marriage is the Lord’s work and we are but witnesses.” On September 15, 2001, we were married before a great cloud of witnesses, yet it was the Lord’s work.
Our marriage continues to be the Lord’s work. That is the place of marriage in Christian community.
May God bless you richly as you continue your deliberations.
Posted: Sun - August 16, 2009 at 06:52 PM