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| Art Fair... | | Date Created: Jul 19, 2005, 09:19 AM |
 The only thing more common than stupid copper bugs on a sharp stick during Art Fair in Ann Arbor is Ann Arbor-ites complaining about Art Fair.
[cue Rod Serling voice] Picture if you will, a small midwestern town. Population: 114000 people. Population during the summer: 50 people. Suddenly, and seemingly without warning, ravenous hoards of nearly half a million stroller-pushing, matching-Hawaiian-shirt-wearing, slack-jawed, suburbanites descend upon this town, like a Biblical locust swarm. They are searching for just the right macramé wall hanging to match their paisly Barcalounger. And, they don't care if they trample you, slam their stroller into your ankles, or put your eye out with a giant copper bug on a sharp stick. Nothing is more important to them than one more bird house made from old licence plates. They must have one more piece of pottery from that little booth that makes obje d' arte that look like they were stolen straight from the set of LA Law.
You have just entered.....The Art Fair Zone [cue creepy Twilight Zone music]
There are actually 4 Art Fairs in Ann Arbor during "Art Fair." They take up most of the downtown and campus areas, and while I'm sure they're good for the downtown businesses, the rest of us hate them. For those of us that work in the downtown, or campus areas, they're just a gigantic headache. Too many people, too many dogs, too many strollers, too many damn copper bugs mounted on sharp sticks.
By the numbers:
Number of art fairs: 4
Number of visitors: 0.5 million
Number of "artists": thousands
Number of artists: one or two
Number of damn copper bugs on sharp sticks: 25,000
Number of puncture wounds from damn copper bugs on sharp sticks: 52,000
Number of major thunderstorms: at least 1
Number of tons of garbage collected: does that count the "art"?
As the saying goes: "Art Fair: It ain't art, and it ain't fair."
If anyone can do me a favor and contact Amnesty International to get me air-lifted out of here for the next few days, I'd appreciate it. |
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