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| Why are people so damn stupid? | | Date Created: Apr 07, 2005, 04:12 PM |
This rant is in honor of the return of this guy to the blogosphere.
Last night someone gets the bright idea to send an email to several University email groups saying they have a sublet to rent for the summer. Can you guess how this goes? (Warning, naughty language follows, read at your own risk.)
1) Email sent to about 50 groups regarding an available sublet.
2) Alan issues audible groan of protest.
3) 20 dork-asses think "Hey that's a good idea!" and send subsequent emails about their available sublets to the same 50 groups.
4) 40 butt-munches who don't know how email actually works, "Reply to All" asking to be unsubscribed from the email list.
5) 80 ass-wipes who also don't know how email actually works, "Reply to All" saying "Me too."
6) 160 dip-shits who claim to know how email works "Reply to All" telling the previous ass-wipes, butt-munches, and dork-asses not to "Reply to All." (Oh Arturo, Prince of Irony...)
7) 320 dick-heads who claim to know how email works "Reply to All" telling everyone not to "Reply to All" and that the original sublet emails are an inappropriate use of University resources, and that people should report the original senders of the sublet emails to the Information Technology staff.
8) Alan starts to weep quietly.
9) 640 ass-holes don't read their email and continue "Replying to All" to the first emails sent by saying "Please unsubscribe me."
10) 1280 shit-camels don't read their email and "Reply to All" to tell the previous ass-holes, dick-heads, dip-shits, ass-wipes, butt-munches, and dork-asses not to "Reply to All."
11) Alan begins to swear at his computer screen, smoke begins to puff from his ears.
12) 2560 dumb-asses "Reply to All" to plead for sanity, asking people to just ignore all the other emails. These people are a particularly putrid and annoying type of dumb-ass because they actually know that they are not practicing what they preach, and they admit to it -- thus condemning them to an eternity in the 18th Circle of Hell (re-read Dante ... that's where dumb-asses land when they die and they're consigned to slam their fingers in car doors for the rest of eternity.)
13) 5120 moderators of various University email groups send email messages to their entire lists saying that they are either 1) unable to unsubscribe people from the lists, and/or 2) taking down the otherwise useful lists until the spamming stops.
14) 10240 crud-infested-hog-humping-rectum-heads (I couldn't think of more insults, so I used an insult generator) send messages saying, quote, "People, this is ridiculous."
15) Alan's head explodes spraying pea soup around the lab.
And all this within 20 hours. So, your homework assignment for the day:
A) Calculate the half-life of this insanity.
B) Given your answer in Part A, how long before Alan spontaneously combusts?
It's true what they say: The gene pool needs a little chlorine.
(CYA Statement: Note: The previous scenario should be considered completely hypothetical, and not a reflection of any actual occurrences at any University in the known or unknown universe. Any resemblance to any University student, faculty or staff member, administrator, alumni, or affiliate, or any other person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No offense to any actual crud-infested-hog-humping-rectum-heads, dumb-asses, ass-holes, shit-camels, dick-heads, dip-shits, ass-wipes, butt-munches, and dork-asses is intended or implied. I may or may not have even been the author of this blog post, I'm not telling.) |
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